Online dating is soon to be a billion dollar a year market, with a presence of over 1,000 catalogued dating and/or lifestyle sites.

After 5 long years of exploring the ( 15 or so) most popular dating sites in the world, I must admit that I am totally perplexed and mystified as to why many of us are still alone.

So many (87.7%) are caring, happy, easy to get along with, good listeners, laid back, down to earth, real, fun, love to laugh, love to smile, simple, affectionate, uncomplicated, as comfortable in an evening gown/tux as jeans, outgoing, & honest, that it boggles the mind that the inevitable matches have not put the online dating industry out of business.

Speaking for myself, I know why I'm still alone. My profile speaks for itself, and I respectfully acknowledge those few others that are in similar situations.

So is the majority full of it, or is there something intrinsically wrong here?

Anyone?

Dating online is a waste of time but some wont

I cant answer that yet I just joined 2 weeks ago. So far everyone has been really nice. I can meet people anywhere too. I just like to talk.

I think its because a lot of people arent willing to do the whole long distant relationship thing. I for one am willing. Why not take a chance with someone, even if they live so far away?

for me right now i dont like the long distance thing my support system is here..

A few of the problems I've noticed:

1.) There's often a distance issue. I've noticed that practically all of the people I correspond with here are very far away. The locals won't talk to me at all. And I've had bad experiences with long-distance realtionships in the past, so I was not looking for another predictable LDR train wreck.

2.) Some people have unrealistic expectations, myself included. When I first signed up here (and on the other 9822 dating sites I've tried), I was hoping to meet someone who didn't drink and didn't have kids. As far as I can tell, no such person exists here. I was lucky in that I ended up getting back together with my ex, who did fit all of my required criteria!

3.) Horror stories and bad past relationships have made some people so paranoid that they'll sign up on dating sites but never really let anyone get to know them. They like the idea of the attention, but only so long as it's "safe."

4.) There is a perception that people on dating sites are "desperate" (this is gradually dissipating, but you'll still see the odd question like: "Would you admit to your friends and family that you met your significant other on a dating site?" -- the stigma is lessening, but it still exists) and this draws predatory types who like to prey on the "desperate" (or those they perceive as such)....which feeds into #3 above.

5.) A huge percentage of people on dating sites are rude, immature, and confrontational, thereby making the whole experience less palatable than it could be for many, and driving away a significant number of the more decent people.

6.) A huge percentage of people on dating sites simply don't have the communication and/or writing skills to create an effective profile or meaningful (or even comprehensible) e-mail/IM correspondence.

7.) For many people, on line dating is simply less effective than more traditional methods.

8.) I've seen a lot of people who seem to only use on line dating as a sort of "interim strategy" when they're between real-world entanglements. It fills in the gap, so to speak. Once they find another real-life person, the sites go on the back burner. JSH is a little different because of its "community" aspect, which keeps people coming back; but, on most sites I've been on, it's not uncommon for someone to disappear for several months, then show up again and say, "I'm back, it didn't work out," and pick up right where they left off. So there is still this idea that dating sites are a "lesser form."

I'm sure there are other issues, as well, and everyone's situation is different. These are just some of my thoughts and observations accumulated over several years.

Another very good answer from Lex.

For me I'm seeing Bonny so I can get to Teddy. Bonny sees me cause I look like Buddha.

Oh, holy one

I met a great guy and had a great relationship for a year. But distance was a major issue, and we were only an hours drive apart. Online dating can work. Just have to give it time and hopefully find someone closer.

Why do most people find distance to be a barrier? Surely there must be many occasions when and if you know what you are looking for, there is someone who fits the daters' criteria?

Long distance relationships are more a problem of the present than the past. It was not uncommon at all for couples to not see each other for years a while ago.

Maybe we have lost some of the values of what people had long ago.

So true, and you would think this would have been far better in these days of modern communications, cheaper airline tickets, and now you can even be in touch to someone's computer whilst you are on a mobile phone. Or maybe we are being too picky?

your experience is showing, cyber-boy

i have also marvelled at the astounding number of
genuinely wonderful people who come out of the
woodwork around here. personally i believe that sites
such as jsh may be part of a new period of easier
human interaction - hopefully intelligent and rewarding
communication - for the most part.

sometimes it can be like a coffeehouse except it is
easier to approach someone new through the computer
and there are less distractions and almost no inhibitions
if it is done right.

it will be interesting to see how this form of interaction
evolves. but Asimov may have foretold it all on Aurora.

Lex's experience notwithstanding, i have found my last two
significant relationships with the help of online communication and so i'd say - no, there is nothing wrong here...it's working for us for the most part. if you find half as many fantastic people on here as i have then 1) i'll be surprised that you haven't found more and 2) you will have a great amount of fun here...

excellent post btw, and, welcome to jsh

It seems to me it would be difficult to maintain a LDR. How can you really get close to someone when you can't touch them? Or look in their eyes? Or feel them close to you? Or smell them? Or hear their voice except on a telephone?

As far as traveling to see someone, many people can afford little, if any travel. Many cannot take the required time off from work. Or take time away from their families.

We live in a demanding world that affords little time for relationships.

because there are more players then there are good people, just some of them don't know they are and it happensa anyways

Thanks, Lex...All very good points! This, despite the fact that this medium should never be relied upon as a substitute for a RL relationship. It should, however, be leveraged as a way to broaden your exposure to many more people than you would ever hope to meet through person to person contact. Find them here, but take the steps to meet & progress once you do. In regard to LDR's, personally, I would be happy to find someone compatible on this planet, ecstatic if within 500 miles, euphoric if closer.

I agree wholeheartedly!

Good point. Although, perhaps not so much "picky" as "selective"? I believe that many of us may be adversely reacting to having "settled" in the past. Compromise on minor issues is one thing, but conflict with core values always comes home to roost, does it not?

Thank you for the warm reception and your observations. I have high hopes in regard.