I prefer the independent, confident, self-sufficient type who can express herself freely and clearly. I've been involved with too many cute little needy bubble-brained sycophants to want to do that sort of thing anymore. It gets boring real quick.

The thing I've noticed, though, is that some women only become independent and confident and self-sufficient AFTER a series of bad relationships. And then, along with the independence, comes a sort of simultaneous "men are scum and I don't really think I like them anymore" mindset. There's a reflexive defensiveness that I think really hinders their efforts to meet a decent guy, a sort of self-sabotage. Guys do it, too, although I think that's less noticed or discussed.

So THAT kind I would try to avoid.

But, to me, strong, confident women are generally more attractive than their overly needy counterparts. And I'm not against giving compliments -- I compliment Gem all the time, and she just throws them back at me! -- but I never really feel that she NEEDS them. It's more of a random expression of appreciation on my part.

From an occasionaly selfish perspective, I love the idea of being with someone I know can be strong when I need her to be. And since it works both ways, everybody wins. At least, that's the theory.

I prefer the independent, confident, self-sufficient type who can express herself freely and clearly. I've been involved with too many cute little needy bubble-brained sycophants to want to do that sort of thing anymore. It gets boring real quick.

The thing I've noticed, though, is that some women only become independent and confident and self-sufficient AFTER a series of bad relationships. And then, along with the independence, comes a sort of simultaneous "men are scum and I don't really think I like them anymore" mindset. There's a reflexive defensiveness that I think really hinders their efforts to meet a decent guy, a sort of self-sabotage. Guys do it, too, although I think that's less noticed or discussed.

So THAT kind I would try to avoid.

But, to me, strong, confident women are generally more attractive than their overly needy counterparts. And I'm not against giving compliments -- I compliment Gem all the time, and she just throws them back at me! -- but I never really feel that she NEEDS them. It's more of a random expression of appreciation on my part.

From an occasionaly selfish perspective, I love the idea of being with someone I know can be strong when I need her to be. And since it works both ways, everybody wins. At least, that's the theory.

Well .. let's clarify confident/independent/self-assured women here.

I definitely stand up for what I believe, feel fantastic about my self, and don't take sh*t from anyone.

BUT .. I am not, nor will I ever be .. domineering. BIG BIG difference. I never ever wanna be defined this way.

Nor controlling. I don't want to control a man, and if he let me I'd be long gone. Strong MEN are sexy as h*ll too!



Confident/self-assured/independent? Sexy

Domineering/controlling/loudmouthed? Total turn off



Remember .. sexy IS as sexy does ..........

Now, as Mel says in Brave heart ....


(((((((((((((((((( FREEDOM )))))))))))))))))))))

I gotta take notes now and talk to my Shrink...

I prefer the independent, confident, self-sufficient type who can express herself freely and clearly. I've been involved with too many cute little needy bubble-brained sycophants to want to do that sort of thing anymore. It gets boring real quick.

The thing I've noticed, though, is that some women only become independent and confident and self-sufficient AFTER a series of bad relationships. And then, along with the independence, comes a sort of simultaneous "men are scum and I don't really think I like them anymore" mindset. There's a reflexive defensiveness that I think really hinders their efforts to meet a decent guy, a sort of self-sabotage. Guys do it, too, although I think that's less noticed or discussed.

So THAT kind I would try to avoid.

But, to me, strong, confident women are generally more attractive than their overly needy counterparts. And I'm not against giving compliments -- I compliment Gem all the time, and she just throws them back at me! -- but I never really feel that she NEEDS them. It's more of a random expression of appreciation on my part.

From an occasionaly selfish perspective, I love the idea of being with someone I know can be strong when I need her to be. And since it works both ways, everybody wins. At least, that's the theory.

Hi Lex:

As usual I would never be bored reading what you have to say. But once again I will have to disagree on one point. I am a strong, confident, tell it like it is kind of gal. I have never had a bad relationship and in fact am friends with all the ex's. I am strong and confident because I have always chose to be so. I think imo because I was brought up to be that way....that I just am......no thought involved ever....I just am that way. I wonder too the women that are so needy, what their mothers were like?

Well .. let's clarify confident/independent/self-assured women here.

I definitely stand up for what I believe, feel fantastic about my self, and don't take sh*t from anyone.

BUT .. I am not, nor will I ever be .. domineering. BIG BIG difference. I never ever wanna be defined this way.

Nor controlling. I don't want to control a man, and if he let me I'd be long gone. Strong MEN are sexy as h*ll too!



Confident/self-assured/independent? Sexy

Domineering/controlling/loudmouthed? Total turn off



Remember .. sexy IS as sexy does ..........

Now, as Mel says in Brave heart ....


(((((((((((((((((( FREEDOM )))))))))))))))))))))

fade. if you don't want to get married we can just shack up the rest of our lives and have no limits or rules. lol

But I wonder if there isn't a distinction to be made between women who were born with an inherent independence, as opposed to those who develop it later in life, as a sort of "shell," to protect them from being hurt again? I mean, I have seen some who were independent without being overly defensive -- where it just somehow seemed more "natural" -- and others who had clearly enrolled in the Man Hater's Club, because of a series of bad entanglements, but who continued to seek out relationships anyway.

Obviously we're generalizing here, and every instance has its own circumstances -- but I see "independent," as a concept, per se, as a positive. It's just that I have seen some whose expression of it was a bit off-putting. So I would differentiate between an inherently independent woman, and one who uses her independence as a sword and a shield against imagined future harm.

In answer to your question about what the mothers of the needy ones are like -- well, I have met dozens of them, and, in almost every case, the answer is pretty much the same -- they tend to be subservient and spineless, sad to say. Looks like a learned behavior, from that standpoint.