It may surprise you, but even as an aspiring attorney I love hearing lawyer jokes. What are your favorites?! Here are two of mine, one short and one long:

What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road?
- There are skid marks before the skunk!


An engineer dies and is sent up to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter scans his list, and tells the engineer that surprisingly he doesn't see his name, he'll have to go to hell. The engineer goes down to hell, where the devil welcomes him with open arms, excited because there has never been an engineer in hell before.
Within a week, Hell is air conditioned, has new indoor plumbing, and has become a pretty enjoyable place, thanks to the work of the engineer. Then the devil gets a phone call from God, who says "there's been a mistake, the engineer was supposed to be admitted to heaven!"
The devil tells God that the engineer is the best thing that ever happened in Hell, and he won't give him up. God demands that the devil release the engineer immediately. Again the devil refuses.
Finally, God says "Devil, if you don't give me back that engineer, I will take you to court and sue you for everything you've got!"
"Oh suuure", says the devil, "and just where do you plan on finding a lawyer?!"

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Here's one I heard not too long ago:

A doctor, lawyer, and a chef are trapped in a rowboat together. A small island can be seen in the distance but to get to it, someone would have to swim through shark-infested waters.

So, without saying a word, the lawyer jumps in the water in swims for shore. Surprised, the chef asks, "why did the sharks move out of the lawyers way?"

The doctor replied, "professional courtesy".

So glad that your very first post could be a lawyer joke. Haha. Good one, though.

Do you know why Attorney's wear ties? To keep the foreskin from covering their faces..

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?




Shoot the lawyer. Twice.