Which is it?

And how do you define each of them?

Intelligence? Is it experiential, spiritual, emotional, academic, which intelligence?

Attractiveness, is it physical, appearance, or internal?

How do you define intelligent, and attractiveness?

You got me?

As for intelligent, I look for common sense, experience, and whether or not they have an open mind, enough to know what they do and do not know and are willing to learn about anything and everything. I've known plenty of people with multiple degrees who I often wondered how they made it through their day without killing themselves or someone else. Being academically smart doesn't necessarily mean a thing.

As for attractiveness, for me, it's more a totality of who they are, their physical appearance doesn't necessarily play into it. The more I like who they are as people, the more attracted I am to them.

Intelligence is completely academic, but neccessarily book learning. Its your ability to visualize conceptions other than your own. Intelligence is very important o me

Some of us embody both.

How so?

Could you expand on that, please?

I am really curious to learn more of others definitions, of intelligence, and of course, attractiveness...?

We read about attraction, in others?

But what is it that is attractive?

Often I hear it's intelligence...which then has me wondering as to what intelligence? As there are many forms of it.

oh I love topics that make you think


Hmmmmmmm lets see if a man can only say duh, whats up, and things on that aspect he will bore me. I need to be able to talk to him about numerous things and not get a one or two word response.

Attraction hmmmmmmmm the way he treats others, his sense of humor

hmmmmmmm guess it is a merger of both

ATTRACTIVENESS: I have to have some amount of a physical attraction to her. Mostly, it is how she carries herself. I do tend to like women who have "meat on there bones" (sorry, no other way to describe it here) but once I get past her physical, it is all about what she is inside.


INTELLIGENCE: You have to be able to hold your own with me. I am a smart ass, and if you can give right back to me, then you had me at "hello". I want someone who is just not a "dumb blonde" type, is not a know it all but is smart, and is able to not talk all the f*cking time.

Goofball...ya stole my thunder. I think the same way. I am confident enough to know I am a little of both en that is that.
Simple. En I prefer a little of both. That is that also. LOL. But I am not at all drawn to looks only.

A combination of attractiveness and intelligence. But, for me, intelligence is more important.

Need advice, how do I Post a Topic?

Go to the section that you wish to post in, then open that section by clicking on it, and on the top right hand side of the board you will see Post A Topic, click on that and away you go!!

YOU GOT IT ALL MAN!!!EXACTELY WHAT I WAS GONNA POST.

Thanks Jess!

Intelligence... for me is the sum total of someone... their capacity to reason, to explore new concepts, ideas, theories, without judgement... to have done the work emotionally on themselves, to have experiential knowledge of their world, to have an understanding, of the Who of them...self awareness, intellect ...common sense, practical application...an ironic sense of humour, a compassionate spirit...

Intelligence is so many levels for me, and is not one 'lumped in' label.

The Physical of someone has no impact on me, other than reflecting how they view themselves... someone who is comfortable in their own skin, exudes confidence... that is attractive to me... as to physical dimensions, I dont see them.

I am drawn, attracted to, the Who of someone, that is what is attractiveness to me...

A cardboard cut out of a societal generically attractive person leaves me cold.

Looks get you in the door, spinning the right BS makes the sale.

Good salespeople and dictators have known this for centuries.

Physical attractiveness is a necessary component, but if you want to go anywhere, you need to connect on a different level. For most of us that equates to traditional intelligence, but remember, stupid people breed, too.

Here is where nature has a curious trait. We can grow to love somebody based solely on connection/intelligence. Our lust is swayed by reason to accept the "beauty" that IS there. When we are young it often works the other way around. :)

The crowd around here is overwhelmingly looking for a healthy relationship. By and large we have been burned one or more times and now finally have the skills to participate in a healthy relationship, or REALationship as somebody once termed it. For the people I'm talking about, the connection is more important than the lust.

I think that intelligence plays into attractiveness for me. Intelligence has many different meanings for me, it can be something as simple as book smarts, or something along the lines of how quickly someone can pick up new ideas. Its a very malleable term, but mostly its just smarts in general.

As for attractiveness, it can be physical (and in the very beginning of meeting someone thats one of the first things I do look at), but as soon as I start to get to know someone than attraction swings almost completely into the realm of personality and intellect (physical attraction is still there a little bit, but honestly people that are pretty on the inside invariably become much prettier on the outside to me as well). I guess that just about covers it lol.

Of course, defining each is entirely subjective, and thus practically impossible. I would suggest that measuring intelligence is related to our own. We want to be with somebody who can stimulate our minds, hold their own against us, and be able to engage us in conversation. In long term relationships in particular, this would outweight attractiveness, simply because a hot bod does not a relationship make. Of course, because it is subjective, intelligence could be measured as anything from 'able to understand and discuss my love of beer' to ambling conversations about quarks.

And of course, most people don't want to be with someone who is substantially more intelligent than themselves. We need someone to reinforce what we consider our strong points, not overwhelm them.

Attraction I would probably label as more of an ethereal quality. It's not easy to put into words. Is it chemical? Is it biological? A lot of people say they have a type, when they intellectualise the process, but on the same strength you may find their partner goes against that type. They just have 'something'.

You can be attracted to somebody on a physical level, and an emotional one, and both can, and will evolve. You can be attracted to somebody inexplicably, and find them intellectually lacking. You can be attuned to someone intellectually, but the spark isn't there.

In an ideal world, we're looking for them both, but I have my doubts as to how realistic, or even ideal, the concept is.

Great topic!

To me, they are so wrapped up together I could not separate the two. There are many people I do not find physically attractive but am drawn to them for their intelligence.

Intelligence is not merely the academic side. It is the ability, the capacity, and the passion to learn and be open-minded about it. To use judgment and to apply what you've learned in a myriad of ways. To learn from your own mistakes and take the time to know and understand yourself. To share it with others and to know when to apply what you know and when not to. Knowledge is power only if you know how and when to wield it.

People who can do all this are attractive. There are different levels of attractiveness, and each person has a different recipe for romantic attraction. Personally, if a person is my embodiment of physical atraction and there is no intelligence to back it up, I'm out. Fast. I will agree that I find a certain type attractive, but if that person isn't smart about what they do and how they do it, then they become only pretty to look at.

Edited for typos.

Intelligence, as most people tend to define it ~ Educated or 'book learned'~ is highly over rated..in my opinion.

I find common sense to be a much more attractive attribute.

What good is an education? If you are likely to get run over tomorrow because you didn't look both ways.

Or in sodomysexy's case up there. Voluntarily revealing your apparent narcissism for all to see on a dating site.

Attractive -- how they treat others, sensitivity, how they handle a bad day can say a lot, thinking of others before themselves, common sense, wanting to learn and grow - no matter what it's about, how they treat animals or kids, passion for something, balance, open-minded to others opinions, willing to at least listen respectfully, open to new experiences, honesty - about themselves and in their words and actions to all, ethics, morals, moderation in all...