A man walks into a pet store and sees a parrot that costs a thousand dollars.He walks up to the clerk and asks"whats so special about that parrot.The clerk replies"well this isnt any ordinary parrot this parrot can sing."the guy replies "what a load of bull.the clerk replies "watch ill prove it to you.So he says to the parrot "ok petey sing for the man.So the parrot starts singing tune from metallica.the guy amazed beyond belief tells the clerk"i gotta have that bird.So he buys it and takes it home,and later on that night while partying with his buddies the man tells them that his bird can sing.His one buddy says"bull**** .So the man looks at the bird and says ok petey sing for the guys.The bird doesnt do anything and the man gets irritated and says"petey i told you to sing damnit.The bird still doesnt do anything,so the mangets pissed and kicks the bird in his fire place.And all at once the bird starts singing"CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE MY BALLS ARE BURNING NEAR MY NOSE.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

that was good!