1 You will never see a six-inch-tall man standing on top of a public telephone.

2 Your teeth will never look as perfect as the models' in Colgate ads.

3 A group of singing male dancers will never appear suddenly out of nowhere and start shampooing your hair.

4 No matter how dry your skin gets, you will never turn into an alligator or any other type of reptile.

5 Your love life will never significantly improve because of a breath mint.

6 You'll never be completely satisfied by eating a Snickers—or any other candy bar.

7 If you drive an SUV up a mountain, across a desert and into a crocodile-infested swamp, it will get dirty, it will get scratched and it will most likely get totaled.

8 What looks great on a fashion model usually looks pretty goofy on anybody else.

9 No matter how many Mountain Dews you guzzle, you won't be able to chase down a cheetah or leap the Grand Canyon in a single bound.

10 Your average house pet cannot open refrigerators, talk on the telephone or surf the Net.

11 Unlike the celebs you see in the "Got Milk" ads, you will never look hip with white stuff spread across your upper lip.

12 Cold cuts and sandwiches do not enjoy being eaten, nor are they waiting for you to open the refrigerator door so they can talk to you.

13 When you put on Calvin Klein jeans, your hair won't suddenly look like it's being blown to one side of your head.

14 Skittles and M&Ms are never as large and colorful as they look in ads.

15 Mermaids do not drink Evian—or any other brand of bottled water.

16 Fast-food hamburgers are never as big and juicy as they look in a McDonald's or Burger King commercial.

LOL

What?!? Two hot chicks won't have a catfight over beer?!? Those bastards lied to me!