its not about, or shouldn't be anyways, changing as in "you need to change" but should be about evolving as a couple and as life hands you its ups and downs. for instance car accident 1 becomes paralyzed theres a whole lot of changes. god forbid and that is an example to the extreme but you should get my point

Agreed. Maybe my/our role models in this area were different then most? From indications in this thread, something is different then the majority.

My parents were married in their teens. The marriage lasted till the day my Father passed a few years ago. He was in his mid 70's. During that time, they bore children, aged, went through a variety of trials in their marriage, life in general. They both had shortcomings. They did not always see eye to eye. They both made mistakes. Some were pretty serious.

Compromise and changes in thinking were required to accommodate the relationship... which held great priority to both my Mother and Father. What was required to maintain this love, mutual respect and trust in their lives was an element of selflessness, self awareness, and giving from both, not to mention a great deal of courage.

Even if I should live another 50 years and got married tomorrow morning, there is little chance of my experiencing anything comparable.

I'm pretty secure in my identity at this stage of my life. I know who I am, and not intimidated by a new personality in my life. Making accommodations for others is not a threat if the effort is shared. If the goal is to better each other and strengthen the relationship. In that spirit, I have very rarely asked anybody in my life... no matter the relationship, to do something I was not willing to do. Sacrifice something I could not sacrifice. On the occasion I have gone there... I have been quick to recognize it, rethink my stance.

What is so wrong with an honest desire to improve one another, the relationship?

Double standards, on the other hand... are a cause for pause.

To hear a potential mate say something to the effect of "I don't change for anybody" could be double speak for... "Accommodating me is your responsibility. My responsibility is to just be me... Good, bad and otherwise.".

I did not come here to find 'The one'..or much of anything for that matter. I'm quite comfortable in my current lifestyle. Should that happen though, whether as a result of this site or a chance meeting where I live ~ just my very presence in another's life is demanding of some change. How they spend their day, who they are accountable to. How do you suppose that relationship would work out if I kept living my life like they never came along?