When I started my journey of self pity and heart ache strain, little did I realise there were so many others who have dealt with the same pining and heart felt pain.
I have found support is so many friends, when I was so close to thinking that this was how my life's journey ends.
I was able to smile and say, u know what...it is gonna be ok.

Stuff happens for a reason...be it I was crushed during what was supposed to be a Blessed Holiday season.
At first I hounded my thoughts with what did I do, what should I have done, am I that bad of a person, why me...then I realised, maybe the big Man up there wanted to set me free.

It may have come in the form of a soul stomping heartache of pain which at one stage I thought would never go away..the hurt cut so deep, that on this Earth I no longer wanted to stay.

I wanted to end it all....cause in this life time, I didnt even feel minutely small...I felt worse than an invisible being who didnt deserve to be heard nor seen.

How could some one love & treat one like a queen..like she was an Angel who flew from above and rested her heart only for his love...then in a flick of a switch..she was treated worse than a piece of dirt...and words were said that cut through her heart & soul with such deep hurt.
How could this be. Did the Lord turn away from me...since I was not the Child he wanted me to be ?
But was this a test to see if that even through my lowest point and would such a heavy burdon of pain...I would still have Faith and now that His Child I shall always remain.

The wounds are still so deep, I spend nights literally with no sleep....the tears like a waterfall flow with no control...the thoughts come and go like it's preset in a movie role.....will I ever be able to just let go...when,and how will I be able to do so.
Thank you my new friends on here for all your words so kind... u all make me feel like I am not gonna leave all this I have behind...I heard once that Happiness is a birth right...well bring it on....I aint ready to lose this fight.
To all who suffer the same heartache and pain that haunts our very being so...keep the Faith cos our good man upstairs will enable us to live a glorious life once more.
Thank you all my online buddies !

and welcome to a peaceful corner of jsh

Believe,,

Welcome home

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