1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

25. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

26. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

27. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

28. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

He's one of the ALL TIME GREATS! Seen him live here at Fantasy Springs earlier this year...He's STILL GOING!

Hi George! Nice to see you and Joe Pesci off of the religion thread.

cute

These are so funny. I have loved George Carlin for years.

He is the ultimate..... remember when..... the 7 words you couldn't say on tv?? LOL

Well Robin Williams is my "ultimate" on the "comedy" ladder. But yes George is a LEGEND. And YES I remember those "words"!

Robin rocks too!!

George is my fav

I have been VERY LUCKY to see them BOTH. George was just here earlier this year..even have that one video taped. Robin I had seen a few years back (like 3 years now) at the MGM in Vegas doing LIVE STAND-UP! (Tickets cost me an arm, leg and left testicle..but I'm still a better man for it!) I have a couple of digital cam shots (not very good qulaity) but hey..got to see my FAVORITE!

The Greatest Philoshper of our time....GC...With my fav GC saying you can say at Scout Camp..."Tonight's forecast...dark...Continued mostly dark tonight turning to partially scattered light in the morning."-Al Sleet the "Hippie-Dippie" Weather-man...

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” ~RW

yeah can see how the testicle would be worth it LOL

When I had seen George this time he did have NEW material. And he seems to have gotten even "heavier" on telling poeple to "THINK" about whats going on...actually even more "forceful" than "playful". Just a kind of feeling I got..I thought it was cool...because I can't stand "idiots" either.

Yeh..at least I can truly say.. "I kept the right nut!"

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Yeah I heard him on Adam Carolla a while back and he's always writing new stuff,doing new material.And he changes with the times.It's a harsher world then it was in the 70's and at anytime he always makes you think.

does make ya think.....fer sure....

He is the funniest comedian of all time! Richard Pryor is second I think.

I can't rank em, just sit them in my hand and just giggle at them all...alot of talent....