k so heres the short version - i was with a guy that was absolutely horrible to me, just really horrible. One day I got the balls to up and leave, so i did. that was 3 years ago, but im still not over what happened. im over him, dont want him, but what happened has really left me messed up, and i dont know how to let go of it. now i have been dating my current guy for 2 years - hes everything i want and need, and means more to me than anyone ever has - hes the best. i love him and we do plan on being together forever. hes someone that ive known for 8 years, we always had a crush on eachother but never had the guts to get together, then finally we did and now i couldnt be happier. here in lies the rub - my past, and the problems that i cant get over are now affecting my relationship - hes not going to leave me but hes having a really hard time watching me have a hard time, to the point that he doesnt know how else to help me get over this and is considering we "take a break" and let me clear my head. my current b.f.'s words - "i didnt like him when yall were dating and i despise him now, so how hard do you think it is for me to basically have to live with him?! hes in your photo albums, and u still have his sweatshirt! i dont want you to just get rid of his stuff i want you to get over what happened, im not dealing with HIM im dealing with what he did TO you. This life we're buildig is only for two, and what he did to you - your letting it be bigger than both of us, and i dont think thats fair to me. I love you and i'll help through all of it, but i dont know what else to do"

So here it is - im puttin all this out in the open in public, embarassing as it is - i need help and i figured the people in this forum could help me with that. im not into having pitty parties, and "poor pitiful" me - but if someone has some advice on how to get over whats been done to me id be greatly appreciative.

It sounds like psychoanalytic therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy can help you bring forth problems from your subconscious into your conscious so that you can cognitively overcome them.

burn your ex's stuff and have your boyfriend help to show that your over your ex and that will strengthen yalls relationship!!!!!!!!!

Without knowing the problem, I'd say if this guy makes you that happy why even give a crap about the other guy. Does your current boyfriend know you're bi, just wondering.

um...chocolate does wonders? But I do have to agree with your current bf...if it were me, I'd think you still had a thing for your ex. Therapy might help, but I hate psychiatrists so I can't suggest that. It sounds as though you still live in the past, and you're ignoring the present. If you still have your ex's things around the house, it's no wonder you're still dealing with his crap. I say get rid of the stuff and concentrate on the here and now, especially the part about your current bf.

I agree..that would be a good start. The rest probably just needs more time. Hide it inside of you until you lose it in the back of your mind somewhere.

i hate psychiatrists - all they do is shove pills down your throat and stamp "fixed" on your forhead - ive had 4 of em so i would know. the deal with me - im over my ex. its just that, ive had a really difficult life, and the one time i was happy was the first 9 months with me and my x, then he figured out i was happy and started being horrible becuase he knew i wasnt goin anywhere. so im scared when i get close to being that happy again, i push him away cause last time it happened i got screwed with know lube. does that make sense? and yes llh5 hes knows im bi, never acted on it because he just wants me, but hes aware of my sexuallity.

Your situation is almost exactly like my ex g/f's. She was in a verbal and physically abusive marriage before meeting me. During the first two years, I sympathized with her and lent my ear. During the third through seventh years, I started to get pissed about hearing it all the time. In the eighth and ninth year, I considered what she was doing to be incredibly disrespectful.

Whatever it is you are dealing with, YOU have to come to terms with it. I totally agree with your current b/f in that you both need to take time off. Even the most patient man will reach his limit with this kind of bull****. And yes, it is bull****. I don't care how abusive the relationship was, it is up to you to seek help for it. Professional help may work or look into other options. It's your choice to be a victim or not.

There is always a fear of getting hurt in your next relationship. You need to get over that fear. No one can promise forever as people change over time.

Hope this helps and good luck.

thanx to everyone that gave me advice. i appreciate it and im gonna go get help, i needed a wake up call, and between you and my boyfriend i HAVE to do it. its not just him its any guy i would ever be with (in case things dont work out with my current) I need to do this with me, and I deserve this, I owe it to myself, so thanx

thanx to everyone that gave me advice. i appreciate it and im gonna go get help, i needed a wake up call, and between you and my boyfriend i HAVE to do it. its not just him its any guy i would ever be with (in case things dont work out with my current) I need to do this with me, and I deserve this, I owe it to myself, so thanx

psychiatry = medicine

psychology = counseling

psychoanalysis and cognitive behavior = theraputic counseling in fields of psychology and not necessarily psychiatry