How to write an email that will really impress the ladies.

1. Don't ever read the person's profile. I mean,WTF do they actually expect someone to read something they took the time to write...that would be plain nutty. If they really wanted you to read it they would've included some ascii art breasts throughout the damn thing.

2. Begin with the assumption that they want cyber sex cause every lady would like nothing more than to have strange men sitting in their mother's basement with stale beer and cheeto breath to begin emailing them discussing the size of their schlong and what they'd like to do with said equipment.

3. Completely ignore any attempts for a female to screen or ignore you. Romantic movies have made it perfectly clear that women love men who stalk them and interrupt their costly weddings at the last second in order to tell them that they love em.

4. Make sure you write emails with the subject line "hello sexy" "wuddup honey" "beautiful pic there sweetcheeks" or the ever-witty "nice rack beyatch"....since when did construction workers figure out how to use the f***in internet? Is there any way to simulate an eye roll and slap as a response?

5. Completely ignore any rules of grammar or proper spelling. Remember you are a fun guy who's a bad ass rebel. Neither English grammar rules nor Webster can hold you down, speaking in adroit well formed sentences makes you Strunk & White's B****, and you, my friend, are nobody's b****. Nothing says I party past the point of brain damage more than non cogent streams of babble relayed via the interweb.

6. If someone does not reply to an email that is like them granting you permission to continually email them with vitriolic diatribe. If they didn't want to email you when you were being pleasant, they'll certainly change their tune when you call them lesbos and hookers. Show them your mature side, and by mature I obviously mean use a lot of graphic adult language.

nice

HAHA YES see now thats what im saying!

Ya gotta wonder though. There are so many men that do this (As evidenced by many of the women here getting emails that follow these rules verbatum...) It must be working on somebody?

7. Avoid Sarcasm! Chicks only like sincere email. Make little ascii teddy bears if you can manage it - even if it takes hours...and ascii flowers too.

that whole thing was sarcasm

my vote for post of the year!!

got my vote!