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Topic: Wow I need to vent~
ShagnaC's photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:47 PM
I dont bitch or complain much but here I go.
I have been married for 11 years and left him almost 2 years ago and
made sure him and I did not have any contact as he got into drugs and my
kids and I needed to heal.
Anyway I started talking to him about 3 months ago to let him know it
was wrong of me to stop all contact with him and the kids, they are 14
and 17, My daughters therapist also said I should allow phone contact
and supervised contact. Anyway he showed up to see my daughter today as
it is her birthday, and it is really bizare to me.
Him and I were best friends but the drugs took that away, so I left him.
I know it will never be with him and I but I am kind of sad as I miss my
best friend and my kids miss their dad.
It is really sad how drugs can destroy a family. Sorry just full of
tears and needed to vent.
I am just thankful I was strong enough to leave him and move on but I
miss what will never be again.

Karensmiles's photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:50 PM
You did the right thing Shag Hugsssssssssssssssssss

no photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:50 PM
I'm sorry you have to go through this Shagna

ShagnaC's photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:52 PM
It has been almost 2 years and I have moved on but I just dont think I
am healed yet from it.
We had the best marriage until the drugs took it away and it is just
hard to accept that. Sometimes we dont like situations but we learn to
accept them.
Just wish it wasnt so hard at times.

Ontario's photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:53 PM
Sorry for the pain that he caused you.... but as my grandpa always
said...never say never...!

ShagnaC's photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:55 PM
O I have to say never as the relationship was so damaged it would never
be the same even if he quit doing drugs, The trust would never be there
and that would not be fair to the relationship so I learned to let go.

Truthoflife's photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:56 PM
Shag...have you, really ''moved on''? It does not sound like it...does
he, still, use drugs? If not, then maybe there is hope for you and him
to heal your relationship...but there has to be lots of help, for all
concerned.

no photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:56 PM
move on.

ellgee1976's photo
Fri 11/17/06 07:59 PM
shagna..im sorry for your hurt...

drugs have changed him and you, you can mourn the loss of a friendship,
you can miss the friendship, but i have to agree, the trust is broken,
and sometimes it can't be repaired...

i hope you can somehow learn to deal with how things are now between you
and him, and you and the children (no matter their ages, this will
always effect them too )

good luck girl, you need it *big hugs*

Gryphyn's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:00 PM
From past experience he will never be the same. Even though an addict
stops using he will never be who you knew long ago. I know in time you
will heal, find someone you trust and ask for some help. Its all a
person can do to heal.

G

ShagnaC's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:07 PM
Maybe you are right, I have learned to move on but not let go of what I
use to have, if that makes sence, This is also why I have not got
serious with anyone yet. Yes I date and I have my fun times with men but
I will not get emotionally close.
I am just glad I was able to get out of such a sick marriage when I did.
I just have not let go all the way. I know it just takes time.

Morena350's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:11 PM
shagna be proud of yourself.

ShagnaC's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:13 PM
Thank you M, I am proud of myself for leaving but I get angry with
myself for still having feelings. I will NOT act on those feelings now
but I wish I could just move the fuck on completly.
M you and I know this better then most.

NYCgirl's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:19 PM
Its not easy. I understand what u going though. But you think of what is
best for YOU and your children. You did the right thing and you are very
brave. You should be proud of yourself!!

flavor25's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:20 PM
yes, and that is the reason you should be proud of yourself
because is hard to let go, but you don't have to stop caring about some
one from far away, pray for him, because you know how it is.

remembet your not doing this for yourself only, is also for your kids,
and the family a a whole.

God bless you shagna.

Morena350's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:24 PM
you know is an addictive behavior that we need to keep under control,
you cant help him, the only thing that can happen is that he will hurt
you and the family.

you are a strong woman girl.

don't look back and don't feel sorry, because you will end up giving in,

you go girl.

CrazyJ's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:28 PM
I am truly sorry you had to go through that, I am sure however that it
has made you a stronger person. I think you did the right thing for you
and your kids, when drugs take over all is lost. Keep your head up and
stay strong!

ShagnaC's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:32 PM
Thank you for all your kind words~ I will be ok after a few hours of
balling lol Sometimes we just need to grieve our losses.

Gryphyn's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:43 PM
Someone give her a hug, and make it quick.

[[[[[[hug]]]]]]]

G

karmafury's photo
Fri 11/17/06 08:46 PM
Speaking from experience you did the right thing for you and your kids.
But you're right it still hurts to lose a friend because of drugs.

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