Over the last couple of days I have had 3 men ask me almost immediately whether I have kids.

When a person contacts me I check their profile and check if they have kids and eventually will ask how old they are. When the profile says they have kids but they don't live at home, is that because they are:

Grown and on their own?
Young and living with their mother and he only gets visitation?

I have no problems with grown and gone. Mine are grown and gone.

I do have a problem if they are young. I'm retired and I don't want to raise more kids.

So I totally understand a man that doesn't want to raise more kids either and therefore asks the question.

Research supports the belief that some men who are more interested in children than they should be (sexual abuse) specifically target single mothers. So I do find it peculiar that 3 men have contacted me and all three asked about children immediately.

Now don't jump all over this. I don't suspect every man. If I did I would not be here. But this should be a question all single mothers think about before they bring someone home to meet the kids.

If you do have questions there are websites that will help you know what to look out for.

I wouldn't even go as far as potential child abuse. Some don't even bother to read profiles

I have never been asked if I have kids....
But then, I always put I don't have any on my profile..

But, considering I have guys regularly ask me where I *live*.....I'm surprised any *read* that I don't have kids....LOL

If they aren't familiar with where someone lives...don't these m̶o̶r̶o̶n̶s̶ guys know how to look things up on Google???

I am kinda new here, but will throw out a few comments. It has been my experience that over 95% of the ladies that have contacted me have little or no profiles.

I do ask about kids for verification. I am looking in the age range where kids might or might not be still living at home, some ladies do not seem to fill out forms well. Myself I have raised my kids, and they are out on their own. I retired early and have several two seat hobbies kids would not fit well with, including home life.

Many ladies that also have short profiles, do not fill out their profile well and definitely do not spend time reading my profile. It seems some live other places than what is posted with their username also.

I am in Oklahoma and am looking for someone relatively local, Sorry Omaha Nebraska is not "local" to me. Your 3 kids are with their Dad every other weekend, just not today. Yes, you have kids at home. You do not do drugs because you just got out of drug rehab last month. Hummm

Not exactly what I am looking for, Ya Know?

My filters are set for older men Only. So I don't get those questions.

However, I did except a couple of friends requests lately from young age men and a couple asked that.

Later I just deleted them off of friends list. Those guys just want a date they're not interested in anything Worth while.

Most men on Dating sites, FREE ones. don't read any profiles.

This last one was out of my age range and younger than my kids so that was strike one. He didn’t live near me. Strike two. Lived in another country. Strike three and I told him so. He sends a message back, “Do you have kids?”

Dumber than a doorknob. And yes, I blocked him.

Well, I can tell you why I ask that question. Simply put, Too many mothers don't know how to let their kids go live there lives. Even after the kids are grown, they work and have their own families. But they are still right up moms backside. She won't make them tend to there business and leave her out of it. While other mothers want to know every time the grown kids pass gas.

Mom knows too much about there lives. And they know too much about moms. Many moms, you can't just date her, you have to date her kids and grandkids too. You go to see her, and just about every time you go, either the kids are there or the grandkids or both are there.

I've seen a lot trying to date women with kids. I even dated a woman that said she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. But, for whatever reason unknown to me, her 18-year-old son that was getting ready to head to college didn't want her seeing me. Her son got his way. Now she's alone and he's married and gone. But he still dictates to her who she sees and who she doesn't.



I know, it shortens the dating pool when you refuse to date a woman that has kids. But, women that don't have kids are easier to date and maybe make a connection with. They don't have all the other baggage tied to them.

Not much creeps me out as much,
as total strangers on the internet,
asking about my child(ren).

Then, you have the flip side of that..

The guys who yammer on about how their grandkids "are the most important thing to me...they are my life.."

Well then, *why* are youi looking for a partner/ GF?
She's be a poor second....if *that*...and no one wants to be second or third down the list..

Even worse are the 50+ year old guys with kids under 10...who *also* say their kids are the most imnportant thing to them/ their life..

No thanks.

Neither of my two long terms (including my late husband) had kids..and I'd really prefer a man who didn't have any.

Maybe it's innocent. From my own perspective, if you have a relationship with some who has children, then it's inevitable that you have some sort of relationship with the children. That has implications. What if you split up, but had a good rapport with the kids. Or they hate you, I hate both my step parents, I could never do that to a kid. I have no kids, but love them, but just want a date, hopefully with a relationship further down the line, not to be a step dad. I see that as being upfront and morally decent

@bluegrass

You said that right !


My children are grown and I want the same if any, in a mate.

I get quite a few guys that ask me early on "how many kids do you have?" My profile says I have no kids and don't want kids. So many people assume that everyone, after a certain age, has kids.

yup That is exactly how I felt.

Yes I can understand that. Mine live in another city so they are not underfoot. I think I would hate that. I love them and all but they have their own lives and I now have mine.

You have a good point. I think a revolving door of mom's boyfriends is very damaging to the kids. And once an attachment has been made it is damaging to the adults too.

I did not date while my kids were at home.

I recently had a man with 2 kids under the age of 8 and he said his wife died. (How can there be so many widowers on these sites?). He was looking for a new mother for his kids and thought I would be wonderful for the job.

Excuse me? In 4 years your oldest kid will be 12 and I will be 70!!!

He didn't see that as a problem.

BLOCKED him

When I was at there mums they called me uncle Paul Or what ever name I called myself at the time.

In my age bracket I'd worry if they were asking about my great grand children.

It's possible that they ask right away about kids because ANY kids are the deal-breaker and if the answer is "yes", they'll move on.

But nowadays more than ever before, there is the possibility that ADULT children (and possibly THEIR children) may have to come back into the parents' household, due to losing a job, breaking up with their partner with no place to go, other serious financial hardship, etc. But them coming back into the household may STILL be the deal-breaker to some.

There's a;so *this*..which really doesn't apply to the original topic, but relevant to what Mike6615 said.

Many older people are having their kids move in with them to help tsake care of them, or one or the other parent so they don't need to go into a nursing home..
Just having someone there at night is comforting to someone who is not in good health.

So, for me..a guy over 50 who was living with a parent who needed them there..that would not be a deal breaker..
(most people won't date someone who lives with their parents.)
It's a hard job..one I admire anyone for doing.