Good Evening my lovely family of M2, its your boy again spilling the Hennessey with another topic. My last topic was a smash hit I really appreciated all the positive feedback and advice you've giving me we decided to continue dating and we both want to naturally grow to a new relationship and when we cross that bridge meeting her parents we cross it then. Okay, lets get right into it, America now I been knowing my new girlfriend now for about 3 years. Like I mentioned last topic we have really good chemistry and when we not dating we talk for hours and give each other numerous text talking about how we miss each other cant wait to hook up again, & so on. We both are in a good place in life and with each other. I met her for lunch today and me being EyeAm, the jokester that I am, my comedy keep her laughing. So out of nowhere, she decides to tell me how she love my personality but it was how she told me and that had me to think " What do you mean might I ask?" She tells me she love who I am. Now I know its early in our relationship to mention key words like love. My question to America, when is it the right time to tell your mate he or she you love them? Is it appropriate to say it when you really feel that way or not? I like who she is and what all the accomplishments she conquered, she defiantly my type and she's really a good woman but I'm not in love with her at least not yet. When I feel King Kong dancing in my gut and its love I have no problem expressing love. So when is it right to mention the L-word? Do you believe in love at first sight or that concept is Passé or a relic of our past? So I'm interested to hear America right now . Lets talk about it and spill Hennessey together!

All Replies Will Be Answered Back!
Thank You All
EyeAmyourHost39

EyeAmYourHost39,

My take is this, I believe when you can separate infatuation from real love and its real then I think you should express it then show it. But the feeling has to be mutual or you be setting yourself up for a very awkward embarrassing situation for yourself. I think it should be a time factor to use the L-word. Too Early your mate may not feel the same . Too Late and you may have a serious argument on your hands. It has to really be timed right. I In my past been on both end of the candle. I say it early and it was awkward. Then there were times the woman told me too early and I as gentlemen turn the situation down. But I never been in a situation where I said it too late and lost the woman. Love does operate on a timing factor.

I believe you should say it when you mean it. And don't say it because you want to hear it back from her.

If you cannot say I love you after THREE years ... you should let her go .. sounds cruel and you are just using her till someone else comes along

Cranky_Geezer,

Good evening, welcome to my cyber mansion. I believe in saying it when you feel it too. I'm old school, I am very vocal and I like to express how I feel. I know we live in a era now where everybody using social media to express how they feel about a person but I'm one on one kind of guy. Even when I'm on my date night with my girlfriend I show her a lot of affection, I tell her how I much it means to me when we can spend quality time together and I then give her a kiss and a nice hug, take her jacket and escort her to the dinner table. Now my girlfriend is very playful and a bit of a flirt when it comes to me. Like I can bring up current events or something I read in the paper and we can be out in a nice restaurant setting like Olive Garden, Chili's Or even a steakhouse, and she play footsies under the table just to get a reaction from me and usually it works. Then after dinner we may go to Broadway play or a comedy club for laughs. She's get chilly so I wrap my arms around her and offer her my jacket to keep her warm. After that we go to my place or hers or sometimes I do the gentlemen thing and drop her off give her a kiss a hug and a good night....see these are the things that one day may lead to love. Because we are getting to know each other and nobody's rushing anything.

Blondey111,

Hello , welcome to my cyber mansion. You brought up a valid point. So I take it though if a man told you he loved you first, and he meant it.....and showing you love, would you feel the same way even if you didn't say it first?

If you love someone. You should have no problem saying so.

Don't sometimes take But a few Months or love at first sight.

Otherwise it probably isn't Love.

I agree with Blondey. Three years is a long time.

if I was unable to tell him I love him ... he deserves to be told how I do feel . The relationship has come to a crossroads and honest communication is important especially when it comes to doubts or unrequited love .

Actually, I think the problem people run into with saying "I love you," or variations on that, is because a lot of the time, "I love you" is not really what they are trying to say.

This is tricky to describe, so please be patient with me...

the big thing about LOVE, is the possible obligations that go along with accepting it or declaring it.

That's why, if you say "I love you" too early, the other person tends to be put off. They don't know if you actually mean "I enjoy your company," or that you mean "I want you to commit right now to exclusivity with me going forward." Or maybe "I'm already fantasizing our children's names."

Other people are touching in what I'm trying to get at, such as where Cranky Geezer said



That's part of the thing.

I find that I never really feel comfortable just saying "I love you" to anyone. Due to "interesting" past experiences, I suspect.

So I stick with specifics. Such as telling someone how much I enjoy something they do commonly, or perhaps how grateful I am for their accompaniment.

I keep hearing and seeing people talk about, wonder about, and make declarations about when people "should" declare love. I wonder sometimes, if making a RULE about it for yourself or others, might actually block it from happening.

I know that due to my life experiences, when someone sets up a framework that my "love" for them has to fit inside, I immediately back away, because I get the strong feeling that they don't want ME, they just want SOMEONE to take the job of the caretaker of their personal fantasy version of the world.

To each, their own style of expression, I guess.

@EyeAmYourHost39

Nah... dont let that Hennessy spill, let Humpty stick his gold nose in... y'all just chill. (couldn't resist a lil' Digital Underground tip)

After three years of enjoying each others company, if one or both of you aren't sure enough about your feelings to say "I Love You!" seems unlikely to be the real deal.

ToodyGirl5,

Welcome back again , yeah I'm like you if the feelings there than take the feeling and voice it......love & infatuation or a crush should be separated and defined.

Blondey111,

You brings me to your understanding of the period to reveal you love someone. Like my girl, she told me " Corey I love you....I love who you are and how much fun I am. Should I brush it off or rebuttal?

Catnidaho,

Well we were best friends and still are but we made that upgrade to now dating? relationship. known her for 3 years dating for about 4 months now.

IgorFrankensteen,

Welcome back I like how you broke down the logical side of when to say love word. I find it sometimes easier to express deep emotions when the feeling is mutual. when I was younger lets say in my early 20's I would have the woman come out first to sat she loves me before I responded back....it was always that insecurity of rejection. now I'm 42 22 years later and I tell my girl how much I really care for her. She responded by saying I love how you listen to me and treat me. You not tripping that I'm white. you don't judge me and you make me feel like a real woman. So with all that great compliments I'm tickled. But bottomed line I feel her the same way...

TechnoVative,

Hey buddy, well we defiantly spill more Hennessey with our hot topics. Well I believe the time is coming soon where we will tell each other we love each other. I can see me marrying Candice my sweet. she a wonderful girl......

Dude, just tell her you love her if you do. Get back to us when, and if, you quit "contemplating" and actually take action.

I don't say it unless I mean it, and I expect the same. Due to my personality, I've never been the first to say it. There has been times where they have said it too early and that caused a slight issue or in rare situations ended the relationship. Although, I don't blame ILY for ending the relationship, just happened to be the initiator. Really, the issues that have arose were more misunderstandings than actual issues, so with good communication we got through it.

Each person and situation is different. I don't think it's something to just say, you only say it when you mean it. Those words are more than words. To me, it's confirmation of a spiritual bond two have.

When it's an honest and clear expression.


Depends if you "consciously" understand that you don't really feel that way.


When it's "right" depends on the two people and their relationship.


Practically speaking, no.
If someone just saw me and told me they loved me, I'd question it, wouldn't accept it, nor take any responsibility for their feelings.
If I thought I felt it, I would question myself/it.


That's great.
What if they can't? Or what if your expression and showing (communication) of your "love" actually communicates to them (their interpretation, based on their experience and knowledge) infatuation?

Do you not consider them, how they communicate, how they understand, how they feel, in how you express yourself to them? Or is it just all about yourself and how you feel and you living in your own head trying to communicate only in ways that you think are according to who you think you are?


IMO not if it's honest, clear, and there aren't expectations of reciprocal expressions.
IMO the embarrassing situations arise mostly due to one person ultimately communicating they are expecting some kind of validating attention to what they're saying and feeling (and that doesn't really address people expressing love for the sake of the response while having convinced themselves that's how they feel when they really don't).


IMO not really. It just needs to be communicated correctly. And that is facilitated by how well you've both learned to communicate up to that point in the relationship.


Biologically speaking, pair bonding, yes it does.
Socially speaking, not really, as it's based primarily upon rationalizing.


Maybe.
But they could just as easily be symptoms of walls that are put up to keep from "falling" in love.
Depends on what's motivating the behavior.
Huge difference between offering her your jacket because you care that she's cold, vs. offering her your jacket because it validates your self image as a man and that is the behavior that proves it, she just happens to be the object you are offering it to (iow self centered).
You may know the difference and know your true motives, maybe you don't, maybe you think you do but you're wrong.

Either way, how does she know?
She's going to see your behavior and in her head it's going to be associated with what she's noticed about other behavior of yours to conceptualize who she thinks you are and what she thinks you mean by what you say and do.
And that concept of who you are could be based on an inherent bias towards protecting herself from "falling" in love, all while pretending that's what she really wants.

Those aren't "the" things that one day may lead to love, they are just things that when taken all together paint a consistent picture that is used to justify pursuing what you really want.

What "leads" to "love" is either sex and procreation, or coming to see the other person as a means to facilitating fulfilling what is personally valued and forming social bonds/roles/hierarchy.

So agreed !!!