im sorry im kinda repeating what i said earlier.... rough day :(

thank you for the sound and civil advice. we did match online, traded pics and vids for a week and the interest there was so strong we were practically exclusive. she and i actually deleted our profile as proof.

i know, it's nuts. i've never done something like that ever....

Alright ... asking her to go home with you on the first date? Even if you didn't have any bad intentions, it can be misunderstood big time.

LOL, I guess it was ok since he dropped a tear before asking?

I think, teachers are used to see tears anyhow

I would move on.

Sounds like She just wanted. DATE. Not really wanting a Relationship with you.

Oftentimes women just want a date with men on the internet.

No. Sex.

She said she has things to work on. If she said or did nothing else -- believe that one statement. She has A LOT to work on. Unless you love drama and the whole push-pull thing she has going on you will be in for a lot more days like this one.

I don't know what is hard to understand here..
She has CLEARLY stated what she wants and where things stand..

People do and say stupid things under the influence of even a little alcohol...as *you* mentioned about your crying..
Would YOU want people to see that, and think "man...this dude cries all the time..he must have issues.."

No, you'd want them to know you'd had a bit much to drink for you, and that made you to act in a way you normally *don't*...

So, give her the same respect.
She acted in a way that she probably wouldn't do normally, without alcohol involved.
The next day she was sober, and realized how she acted was wrong, and has clearly tried to tell you she's not ready for a relationship with anyone.
If someone says they "need to work through" something..give them that space..
Needing to "work through" something doesn't mean they need a guy to help them...
It's somethimng they need to do themselves..
If she needed or wanted help...she's have said so..

I agree with other people here...you are making this ALL about you.

I'm curious if you guys had ended up at her or your place, started mesing around, and she changed her mind...would you have forced the issue?

No always means no.

Hi bluegrass. This text actually happened only hours after we said farewell. She was actually sober too. I drank most of the bottle. So all that flirting at the bar and then hours later this... Maybe my kiss was lousy because i reeked of alcohol?

For the umpteenth time DUDE - you want her but she does not want you. EVERYONE here can see that and EVERYONE here has told you that but you seem unable to let go. You are teetering on being stalker material.
LET IT GO AND MOVE ON.

See?
It's all about you..

Who cares if your "kiss was lousy"..

She has said she's not ready for a relationsip.
She has said she has stuff to work on.

If she is lying, oh well..but that doesn't give you the right to harrass and continue to push her.

Surely there are other women out there....

I went out on one date with a guy that sounds like you...this was some 30 years ago..
I didn't act like she did, and gave no mixed signals...yet..I actually had to call the cops to get him to stop calling and harrassing me.

If it is truly "love"...you will be respectful, patient, understanding.
Give her space.

As it is..it doesn't sound like "love" on your end...sounds like you are mad bacuse she acted one way,...then changed her mind...you felt "led on"....

You need to step away and let it be...

I am not trying to get a validation or some permission to pursue this- thats something only i can work on from my head.

Im just venting out of frustration

And hoping through this maybe get an analysis of where it is unusual- my texting? Her behavior? Everything?

Im not trying to turn a no into yes

Aren't you guys ignoring a major part of my story? Of how intense the flirt was??

She was blowing kisses at me, the stares, then CRYING. and check off all the signs of a good first date- kiss, hands, cuddliness

It was really almost ideal

And then she does 180 on text

Im just wanting an explaination for this. But in the end only she will know. Or even she wont even know.

1. She was either slighty drunk..enough so her "filters" were off...and that explains her behaviour.
People do act different when alcohol is involved.
For some, it doesn't take *much* alcohol.

2. She's a player...plays mind games...

Either way...LET IT GO...
If it's the first, you are bordering on harrassing her...
If it's the second...trust me, you don't want any part of that..

Likie danigapeach2 said...what part of what we are all saying is not getting through??

So my friend thinks its the crying. She says it couldve been a big turn off to her

let her get to know YOU... be a friend, and let her make the moves. it's a timing issue as well now, so pushing it is a bad idea. If nothing happens, you might have a great friend... do a lot of listening. really listen, and enjoy her company. things might change, but definitely cool back a bit for now. Call her every fourth day. It allows for space, but ability to keep in touch.

yes, crying is a big turn off for many women. while you may think it shows empathy, sympathy, and other goodies, it could be seen as a sign of passiveness or weakness. Neither are good traits of showing strength to many... many want the "strong silent mysterious type".

Maybe it was great until the Kiss turned her off...

oh for Pete's sake

Just ask her out. Fresh start.

Don't mention anything you've texted. No questions about the "not yet relationship" future. Way too early to start that.

Enjoy yourself until you don't.


Women say that because they want to get to know you. The best relationships starts AS BEING FRIENDS, allowing love to grow organically, NOT TRYING to put the relationship in a box with definitions.

^^^ this and don't blow it by crying again

May I ask if you and your lady friend met here on Mingle2?