from psychology today

NOTE: The article is written by a man about men, but can apply to any group of 'privileged' regardless to gender and/or race.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-our-way/201702/the-privilege-not-understanding-privilege

I think an important factor in men’s openness to considering their privilege is spending time with black people and with women who don’t resent them (although openness to privilege may in turn lead to not being resented). A black colleague long ago got an emergency call while he was jogging in Boston, so he just jogged right to the hospital—where they wouldn’t let him in to see the patient because he was wearing a jogging outfit. When he told me this story the next day, he genuinely wanted me only to laugh about it with him (to laugh bitterly, but still to laugh). My closest female friends want me to appreciate my male privilege, not to relinquish it. Similarly, I don’t want rich people to apologize for being born with money; I just want them to act like they know they didn’t earn it. If they do act like they earned it, I resent their money and start thinking about increasing the estate tax. White guys who ignore their privilege find themselves resented, and then they avoid the resentful. Not being so defensive can bring out the best in others, but it requires an acknowledgement that, in a memorable phrase, you were born on third base and only think you hit a triple. I was raised by parents who grew up in poverty; they made sure we knew we were lucky to be middle-class and white.

The privileged in any setting want to believe that their lack of stigma is earned and not a matter of chance. They take credit for their status as full-fledged members of their group. To do any less would be to acknowledge that they could easily have found themselves among the marginalized and stigmatized, and the one thing the authorized in any group must insist upon is that they are not like the stigmatized. The fiercest defense of a privileged status is to doubt it.

Interesting thoughts. I grew up with no credit cards, no air conditioning, very old cars and rental apartments. I thought I was rich and wanted to give to the poor but my father kept saying "We're poor." I assumed he was kidding. In the first grade I picked up mangos and sold them to buy any toy I wanted. Anything I wanted I could earn with my lawnmower. Put myself through college and grad school and now I'm retired and own a great home which I've redesigned and remodeled, and beautifully landscaped by the sweat of my brow.

Yet, I feel guilty about my privilege. I don't deserve all this. Yes, I've worked and done a lot myself, kept myself healthy and, yadayadayada. But I was born with the ability to do that and I never earned what I was born with. Even my work ethic was passed on to me by others. I get sick of people saying "I earned it" or "I deserve it." I had honest and mostly functional parents, great teachers in the early grades, and that's whey I've had so many breaks. I didn't deserve that. It made me who I am, able to do some things. All I can do is try to pay something forward.

Now I do a lot for others, volunteer, give to charities, and have reached out to other cultures. Trouble is, every single thing I've done for someone else just made me feel even more blessed. Why should I have been someone who could help others and feel loved in return? My sense of insane privilege just grows. O dear God how I wish people could understand that even breathing is a privilege to be shared and whatever we share makes us richer. Often the poor get blamed for feeling entitled to welfare, but it is the wealthy who have the real "entitlement" attitude. And the idea that "I earned this" makes the richest despair in the misconception that they are somehow treated unfairly. For me, I know I was treated unfairly -- far better anyone could deserve.

Don't know who you are but once I started writing all that just wondered out.

thank you for contributing,... you don't know how refreshing it is to read from someone with understanding and humility ...

It sounds like the guy is jealous of his rich friend and wants to make light of his accomplishments. My ex came from well off parents. When he lived at home as an adult, he didn't have to pay any bills or buy groceries. But from the moment he moved out, any help from parents stopped. He earned everything he has. You would expect parents with their amount of wealth to buy a nice house warming gift or help with a down payment on a home but they didn't. He got a zero $ down home loan and bought used furniture.
So how would the guy know who is paying for everything his friend has? Or is it something like he was given a free education so none of his accomplishments should count as merit.

Everyone living in America is privileged and even the poor which will always be amongst us. Living on the government when you can work for your living Is looking for a handout. If you're not Disabled no one owes you anything.

Those that are poor are privileged , that they can get Assistance here.

American has helped other Countries in proverty at to times.

Live in a proverty stricken Country and you'll see how Privileged we are in USA.

i totally agree. But the point is not about looking at how much worse other countries have it, that can be done about ANY TOPIC people complain about.

The point is only to combat the animosity WITHIN our own country that so many are holding that success and/or need are all and only about character and 'merit' and 'earning' it. when there are so many other factors of privilege that weigh in.

I lived in a remote part of China for 2 years, trust me people who haven't seen it firsthand, have no idea what poverty is... none.

I agree. Globally, there are many countries who have it worse. That can be said of any topic americans complain about. However, that does not stop Americans complaining or trying to make it better where Americans live.

The problem is people want to be treated in a manner that they don't deserve. We are all mainly judged in our own communities by the people who know us. If nobody in your community will hire you, the problem is you. If you live in a drug infested area, it's you that chooses to live there. If you spend more time making excuses not to work than working, it's you that's the problem.

One of my male cousins taught in China for 7 yrs . He didn't live in poverty but told of some things happening

He's been back in US for years now. He also brought back a Philippino wife.

Good for you. you have done very well for yourself. And by reading this it bothers you. So, maybe you can chip in the money that goes from my pocket(thru taxes) to pay for the upkeep of illegal aliens.

I would really appreciate the break... and clearly you will feel better. A win - win.

I m sure this is another thread of many about people needed ASSISTANCE!!!

Point is US has many people that think government owes them something.

Nada....No. It doesn't other than make wise decisions for economy and protection of USA

People need to work for a living and earn their own living. Stop looking for government to kick In and support their desires as well as their needs.

These entitled people are products of welfare mom's. They grew up with the only source of survival being the govt. All mom did while they were kids is ***** about what the govt wasn't doing for them. Now we have 50 years of people thinking the govt owes them a living. How do you teach an adult they are supposed to work and support themselves after living off the govt their whole lives?

And the ones on government funds want to house, cloth and feed illegals .

With what!! Their Earned money from the government.

They are so ignorant that they think there is an endless supply of money. They think we can all sit home and live for free. Minus Trump of course.

They are all Privileged just to live in US. Many Countries have no money and food assistance.

Why be upset with others who have more money.

They're getting something for nothing and that is a huge gift.

The economy is getting better and there are more jobs than people to fill them. My son got me a job working ot. My brother posted a list of job openings this morning. They have no excuse to sit home anymore and hate Trump for cutting welfare.

Privilege is to live in a Country where needs and wants can be achieved, if a person is not mentally or physically disabledd, they can Work hard .

Job opportunities are open here in my State it was announced on tv yesterday Local news.

We have Republican governor. Now. However many want him out in November. Librals want him out!

yes. The day was one where I was fed up of other thread where there were constant interjections and examples of people in need talking about them like scum.

Point is the government IS Of they people, BY the people and FOR the people.

so yes, in so far as it represents people, it owes people to be represented.


People do need to pay for their life. many dont do it by 'earning' a living many do it through inheritance, others do it through good fortune, others do it through marital common property laws. Life is both need and desire, and there really is no way to seperate it into one OR the other. There is only the skill of balancing them both in a reasonable manner.

People by and large try to support their needs and desires, but when they hit hard times, they look to the government that has been looking to them, and the government in turn provides the nest egg for them that they provide to others in their lifetime. its a circle of community and general welfare for all those represented in the community.

Jobs dont grow on trees, it is a highly competitive job market, things like having specific skills education and proximity and transportation all factor in to how long or how difficult finding a job can be. and people in the interim try to stay above board until they can find that job.

yes, people feel 'entitled' to things regardless of financial class. But when the merits of the 'entitlement' are framed in assumptions about inferior character or value for the poor and a necessary and reasonable expectation of the elite or well off, it becomes dangerously disenfranchising and harmful.

One of the most surprising, and perhaps confounding, facts of charity in America is that the people who can least afford to give are the ones who donate the greatest percentage of their income. In 2011, the wealthiest Americans—those with earnings in the top 20 percent—contributed on average 1.3 percent of their income to charity. By comparison, Americans at the base of the income pyramid—those in the bottom 20 percent—donated 3.2 percent of their income. The relative generosity of lower-income Americans is accentuated by the fact that, unlike middle-class and wealthy donors, most of them cannot take advantage of the charitable tax deduction, because they do not itemize deductions on their income-tax returns.