Topic: moving back in together advice
heatherrae's photo
Wed 11/28/07 09:09 AM
ok most of u know that my hubby and i seperated about 6 weeks ago. ok so we are tryin to work things out and he has done a lot of self reflection and worked out a lot of his medical stuff and what not that was causing problems anyway, in about another month he is moving to fl, to be with me. anybody who has been in a similar situation maybe have some advice to make the transition from seperated to moving back in and living together a smooth process and maybe more fun than stressful?

no photo
Wed 11/28/07 10:20 AM
I have been separated since Aug. 1st. My ex wanted the divorce. It wasn't a great marriage but I was still willing to stay. The papers have been filed and will be final Jan 08. If she asked me back, I would have to say no. I have have been crushed too deeply for that. I have done the off/on back and forth before. It just hurts too much.

seahawks's photo
Wed 11/28/07 10:29 AM
just love each other and put away the nasties that made ya come apart in the first place.!!! cheers hope all works out .

Deana64's photo
Wed 11/28/07 10:33 AM
my ex who wanted out and found himself someone to keep him company before he left the relationship.
Is miserable and a broken mess, when presented with us splitting up and him leaving I was in shock Couldn't believe it.
but I was able to put all things into perspective and take things to a point that made it good for me and my son.
He asks that I don't give him up completely now, I have to remind him that he left this I didn't but I did find a way to stop hurting and to move on.
I start dating and seeing people, old friends new ones and he gets all panicked and now wants to work things out. its been since July our complete split up.
yet he is still in his other relationship and doesn't know if he wants to end that yet. and my reply was why are we having this conversation? there is nothing for us to work out.
I was willing to work on our marriage and he wasn't now that its not working out between him and her he wants me to play house when he is around.
Yea Ok like thats going to work nope I cant do it something is not there now and there is a respect for him that I have lost, I want to go on with my life.

heatherrae's photo
Wed 11/28/07 10:49 AM
well, my husband didnt cheat on me or anything, we just had some issues that we needed space to take care of. we are def. moving back in together, just want it to be a smooth and happy transition.

no photo
Wed 11/28/07 10:52 AM
If you are both willing to change the things that broke you up in the first place, then go for it.

What type of medical problems??? Mental?huh

Tameka's photo
Wed 11/28/07 11:02 AM
Heather~several years ago i left my husband. We were separated for nearly a year. I dont know the reasons that you two got separated or how long you have been together. But during my sepaartion we went to marriage counseling. I have to say that it did not help our marriage but i did learn alot about me... And what helped me most in getting back together was weighing the reasons that i wanted him in my life versus the things about him that i didnt like. So my advice is to love his great qualities and try to accept his less desirable characteristics. If it comes to a point when you can no longer see the best in him or cant look past the worst than it may be time to make a change. Until then dont take him for granted and remind him regularly of all the reasons you love him! Good luck heather!

heatherrae's photo
Wed 11/28/07 01:05 PM
LOL no not mental issues. physical medical things, which i wont go into for the sake of our privacy.

tameka, marriage counseling might not be a bad idea although i wouldnt know where to look and if i could afford it.

TxsGal3333's photo
Wed 11/28/07 01:58 PM
Heather the best thing to do is put the past issues in the past and leave them there don't bring them back up once they have been brought out and discussed.

Remember what made you two fall in love in the first place and relight that flame full force understanding, Trust ,Respect and conversation is the main thing when something goes wrong dont let it go till it builds up bring it up talk about it get past it.:heart: bigsmile :heart:

Learn to love like there is no tomorrow every day. Never forget to say I love you for they need it as much as you do.:heart:

When you learn to be a giver they will in return give it back as well.

Just learn to love them like you did let it all go as they say go for the gusto dont hold back.bigsmile

Danmercy's photo
Wed 11/28/07 04:23 PM
once you separated why you move back for me if I separated I will never again with that person in the first place you separeted for some reason that does not work out so you do not need to think of going back. Good luck with it

heatherrae's photo
Thu 11/29/07 07:38 AM
well danmercy, i really didnt appreciate that comment. first of all i wasnt askin for advice on if i should take him back or not cus that is the kind of decision someone could only make for themselves. i asked for advice from my friends about making the transition of moving back in together a more smooth one, obviously if we are getting back together it means that the major issues are resolved. i am saddened by your attitude of never giving something a second chance by saying if i ever separted from someone once i would never move in with them again. if you are truly in love with someone you dont just write them off like that. sometimes when people seperate it just means they had personal issues that they needed space to work on without being all on top of each other. i have an incredible amount of joy about the fact that my husband has gotten himself the resolutions he needs in order for me to let him move back in with me. i am very very happy that in just 3 weeks i will have my best friend and soul mate back in my life for good.

no photo
Thu 11/29/07 04:24 PM
Maybe I'm just too stubborn, but I tried very hard to save my last marriage, but when my ex refused to go to counseling, that was the last straw for me.....the divorce was filed. I wish you two well and hope that you can work though it all. Marriage is hard work.