Good evening my lovely night owls, your man had a long day but nit too long to host my "Hot Tea Topics" . Okay lets do this. Question, when it comes to dating, what's the most effective way to make a connection? Is meeting in a local bar still a good idea or going cyber is the new trend? Is going to cyber sites safer than a club, a bar, or any public setting? Can you find true chemistry on a dating site? Well i give you my opinion, but im more interested hearing from you all. So let's talk about it.

All replies will be answered back.
Thank You Wonderfully
EyeAmYourHost39

EyeAmYourHost39,

Okay, well my take is i kind of like the cyber world of getting to know someone, well its safer, the introduction page will put all cards on the table so you have an ideal what you looking for and what they want. Also in the cyber world you can also pick to note an interest. Its not a bad way to meet today.

Well it's just opinion, but going cyber streamlines the whole dating system. It does make it easier to weed out those you don't want. Plus it opens up contact to those who you would never meet otherwise.

While meeting in person is still the best. After all a lot of people in the cyber world may not be who they are. But a bar is useally not a good idea right off the bat. We all know how alcohol can make for bad decisions.

Sorry for the book y'all.

I tend to go with the cyber meeting ground. But, I will qualify that by saying there are people out there who are not who they say they are. Stolen pictures, fake profile. I am sure most of us have run into that or something like that before. But, in a bar, is everyone honest? And with cyber, there are people who have a different personality when they are behind the keyboard. But also true with the bottle. But, bottom line, if you are careful, you can meet a lot of great people on line, many more than you would ever meet in a bar. From that, I think I want to improve my averages.

If I had an answer to any of those questions I probable would never have found this site.

NotPay4Play,

Welcome to my cyber mansion. So you agree that its much easier to connect with someone via internet. Some may feel the same way. I just think its easier if you the shy type or if you want to know the person before meeting.

TVCameraman,

Welcome back, i almost forgot i posted this topic. You brought up a good point. Sometimes its hard to connect with someone on the cyber sites. Well TVCameraman brought truth to light. When a person new to a dating site, just like we all we expect some fruit to become out of it. We expect that rather you posting interest in someone's page of interest or they send you a message.. You expect the other person to be truthful. With online scams, fake pics, fake profiles & so on & so on makes the cyber dating tuff. Then on the other hand the bars the clubs & the park could be disastrous as well.

DNHBlue,

Maybe its good you did find sites like this, you'll meet some awesome people and unlike other dating sates we have our community forum rooms so you don't have.to limit yourself just profile surfing but sometimes you can make a connection while you responding to someone's else topic.

Find each other attractive, then use your social skills.


I don't think "meeting in a local bar" was ever a "good" idea.
Most people always met their mate through friends, family, school, and work.
Unless you mostly watch movies. Then there's usually some amazing meet cute where one person saves the other persons life or fixes a situation and then there's some stumbling and bumbling and mumbling.

Going cyber isn't really a "new trend."
I know it's been around since at least 1995 when I got an AOL disk in the junk mail and dialed up the internet, went into a chat room, and saw "a/s/l?" every 3 seconds from someone.


Well, clubs and bars are full of drunk people that may decide to try and drive you home or to their place, so, yes, cyber sites probably are a little "safer."


Not until you get off the dating site, IMO.
IMO that's what dating sites are supposed to facilitate; leaving dating sites, not reasons to stay on them.


Not really. It's easier to bluff online.


That made me laugh.
No. No you don't. Not online.
You have an echo chamber in your head to figure out "what you want."
You only have black text on a white background full of whatever they feel like putting down at the moment, which could have been years ago, for "what they want."


You mean like long walks on the beach? Travel? Their kids are their world? They're happy? They like to laugh? They like spending time with friends and family? They can dress up or down?


IMO you don't really meet until you get off the internet.
The internet offers you a way to expand your exposure to people that you might potentially meet.

It offers convenience.
Might as well say "Wal-Mart isn't a bad model for shopping."
It's not a good model for quality.
It facilitates quantity and convenience while giving a false sense of security (economic, food, whatever).



IMO not really.
The "shy" type, that are actually shy, just get into a race to the bottom of not being able to function.
They're still "shy" online, only now they're "scared" of email just like they're "scared" of talking to real live people.
So instead of forcing themselves to overcome shyness and talk to a real live person, because they have to as life functions that way, they learn passive aggressive techniques (pokes, nods, friends, likes, matches).
And then when they actually leave the house? Well, they might not be able to leave the house anymore because they can't just poke, nod, friend, like, or match people, and that's all they know how to do now.

There's the "fake" type of "shy," which you may be talking about.
Those are more of the "I don't want to commit to a personality until I figure out what you want. Then I can be what you want to determine what you can do for me, what I can get from you in terms of validation or pleasure. And once I have that, then I can choose to keep going with the facade, or start reverting back to my normal nondescript self. I will be vague in my profile, non committal, until you give me enough feedback where I magically 'open up.'"

Or another type of "fake" shy type which is the "I am shy until you get to know me. I have a shell that you have to drag me out of." They aren't really shy, they're just getting you to chase them and validate them, the perceived benefits (to them) of a relationship. You give them the relationship they want (chase them, desire them, validate them) before they think about giving you what you want).

The internet is awesome for the fake shy type.


You don't really know someone until you experience how they react and adapt to an environment they can't control.
You learn far more about someone from their automatic associations than you do their thoughtful responses.
All you get to know online is their online facade.

It is always safer for facades to interact.

CireTom,

welcome back.....well you usually bring a lot of data and knowledge. so you saying people should ween themselves off dating sites? why do that I mean only if somebody willing to do that. again dating sites today are not just to find a mate but you can be social. that's why they have community forum rooms. it gives you a chance to meet and give opinions via internet.

EyeAmYourHost39,

I think internet social sites are the best way to mingle around, think about it. see online you can get to know a person without distractions. Plus you get to be yourself. and you can read profiles to see where people coming from the gate. The only think I don't like is its more profiler scams easier for them to catch a sucker but other than that its easier for those who are shy.

Online dating sites give you another 'opportunity' to meet someone.
It is vital that it is followed up with meeting in a real place, sober.

I have met women from dating sites and I have yet to meet one that is as she pretends to be, in real life.

I have met women in bars, clubs and lounges.
You get what you get. Consider the source.

I have met women in church.
Again, you get what you get, consider the source.

The most interesting women have been the ones that I met from an introduction by a friend and we have spent 'normal' time living our lives without the pressure of date impression.

Met at work, at a beach or a local festival. We go do things together and if we like each other's company, we do it again. Over time a connection is established.

Its been decades since I have 'cruised the bars' looking for some tail. The race to get laid doesn't have its appeal anymore. I am now looking for someone to share love with, not a conquest or an affirmation of my manhood.

~~Edit~~
Good Topic