I am not referring to the termination of a serious relationship, Im talking about that early period in the first couple of conversations or dates with someone whether it be online or offline, when it is obvious to you that you are not attracted to the person but they are blatantly attracted to you.

Its so easy to be insensitive when we are the ones rejecting someone's romantic advances.

But when the tables are turned, and you are the one who is being rejected, how do you wish to be told or treated?

eg would you prefer they make it clear that they dont like you? Is it better if they say nothing, but just dont respond to your calls or the cliche speech about preferring to just be friends? etc

Welcome Back!


I really would like it if people say what they mean.
I'm figuring you are implying to some kind of relationship starting and not referring to just going up to someone on the street and saying "I Don't Like You".

I have had this very thing happen to me where I had to let a woman know the I didn't want to be in an intimate relationship with her.
I sat her down and told her.
I let her know that its okay to be her and she should be proud of who she is but that I am not interested in forming that kind of bond with her.
She asked why?
I told her that we have personality differences and that I am not wanting the conflict they would impose on our relationship. I then assured her that there is nothing terrible, she just wasn't my right one and that she will find someone better suited to her.
I wasn't rude.
I didn't demean her.
I simply told her the truth.
How she handled it is her decision.

I wish women would be more like that to me.
But... I have learned not to become infatuated with anyone until I understand them better. I have learned patience.

Thanks Tom. Good to see you!

I think I could handle the speech you gave that woman. Its honest and humane.

I think why some people don't come out and lay it on the table is because the person who is rejected sometimes asks a series of very awkward questions or sometimes even turn things around to make the rejector look like a bad person.

Its not right but it happens

I have had that happen to me.
I say to them, without emotion, that I am not going to answer that. Then I don't. If they persist, I just let them know that I an not required to justify my feelings or reasons to them or anyone else.


Sadly, Yes it does.

If I am removing someone from interest I am respectful and courteous to them even if they do not return the consideration. If it gets ugly, I just get up and walk away.
If they follow, I completely ignore them.

I refuse to allow anyone's emotional instability to have power over my own emotional stability. This is my life and I am in control, not them.

Thankfully, that has worked so far.

Edit: Good Topic!

Don't really care, one way is as good as another, as long as it's not "leading me on."

I had a date once where at the end of the night I went to kiss her and she avoided it and said she had a boyfriend, for several years, they just don't date, and "it'd be cool if I wanted to just take her out and date her and stuff, but nothing physical, because she's not like that." She kept calling me after that asking if I wanted to take her out.

I don't really care how they end it, as long as they're doing something that actually ends it.

Good to see you back Peggy!

For me action speaks louder than words. There are times that words are not necessary anymore, if one understands what silence implies then no need for an explanation. If one wants to explain and tell you honestly the reason why he or she's doing such thing, well and good to hear the truth. Sometimes it feels bad to reject someone blatantly without consideration of another's feelings. Some obvious things don't need to be told already, one can do it in a subtle way so as not to insult or hurt someone's feelings directly. It's shameful or insulting to hear someone reject you especially in an inconsiderate manner, but some delivers the rejection in a very nice way that one could accept it without feeling hurt or insulted.

Oh gosh, I'm so bad about this. There's this girl I know that I can tell is into me. She's always touching me whenever she can and I just don't have an interest in her. She's super sweet and an overall great person it's just I have issues with her body image. I'm bad about it because I don't like to be negative so I end up flirting back and I feel like I'm leading her on a lot. But at the same time I'm not to worried about it because there's really nobody else she hangs out with..

I'd want them to just not be weird about it or embarrassed, there's this other girl that I had an interest in but for whatever reason she just didn't like me. When we first started to get to know eachother we flirted a lot but over time I noticed how bad of a person she was, but that didn't stop me from having an interest in me. She was always asking to go to dinner and not once payed for it, not even pay for her own coffee, started to get on my nerves over the couple years I've known her. Anymore she just uses me so I just quit spending time with her. Anytime I'd say something to her she'd be so distastful of what I said she wouldn't even regaurd what I said.

What an interesting topic you raised Peggy,this is very sensitive considering that you have tell the truth in a polite manner without hurting a person's feelings,being honest is good though it might hurt another person because sometimes we raise our hopes whereas the other person isn't feeling the same.Telling the truth is fine but it's wise to consider other person's feelings just let them know how you feel and what you expect from them other than intimate relations.It's not easy to say I don't love you but I like you!I think it's better when a woman is rejecting a guy because we're always expecting that in one way or another but it's a different story when a guy rejects a lady because she feels unwanted or maybe thinks there's something wrong with her.When rejected I feel the pain for few days and it's all gone if I'm rejected in respectable manner and I don't hate for that since I am the one who made the first move.What I don't like is when my pride,dignity is tainted.

Rejection doesn't have to be degrading.

If you understand yourself and why you feel and do what you do it is easier to understand others. We all want to be liked. We all want to be loved. We all want to matter to someone.

When you reject someone it is for your own reasons. You want them to accept those reasons and let it go.

When someone rejects you, they do so for their own reasons. They want you to accept that rejection and let it go.

We want to be acknowledged for who we are. Each of us are different and have different ideas of who we want near to us. When we find, or are not, the one we want near us we can try to hurt the other or we can allow them to be themselves just like we wish to be permitted to be ourselves.

"You are not the one"
"Why?"
It doesn't matter why.

Be honest with how you feel so there is no misunderstanding.. be kind don't be cruel.. state why.. don't ignore them.. once this has been done everything is clear..
Empathy is what I believe in.. I treat people as I would wish to be treated..

I agree with what Tom said.

When I tell someone they aren't for me, I do so in the way that I would want them to tell me. I think sometimes ego gets in the way, especially when it's you that is being rejected. I have to remind myself that the other person has ideas about the kind of person they want to be with, the same as I do. It's not about me, it's about what they want and I'm not it...or vise versa.

I admire your laser focus Tom . On this issue, I am often clouded by emotions.

And thanks for your compliment and wonderful contribution as always!

Oh my God ciretom! How exploitive that woman is! That's terrible and Im inclined to agree with you in that specific context, I prefer to be rejected in a harsh manner if the alternative is being led on or exploited

Thank you Dolphin! Its nice to see you :)

So your preference would be to be rejected by silence or with a sensitive speech. I can relate to that although I admit the silence could leave me with a lot of unanswered questions which can be a bit torturous , but at least it does send a clear message that its over, Thanks for your contribution Dolphin :)

Hmmmm ... It sounds like you would have preferred it if she came out and told you that she wanted nothing but friendship Maxwastaken. It scks that you were left feeing somewhat exploited, Sorry you went through that man, and thanks for your contribution :)

I totally understand what you mean cool51A. We should all strive to be sensitive to the people we reject knowing that we would want to be treated with the same humanity if we are the ones being rejected .

But I think people have different ideas as to what is the more sensitive approach, from a silent refusal to respond, to non participation in activities with the person, to the cliche speech about the person being a wonderful person but not the right one for you. Thanks for your contribution :)

Well said Tom. The whys are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things

I live my life using the golden rule as well jayda1970, but it becomes a game changer if one person for instance prefers a rejection via silence when the other person prefers a lengthy explanation, which sme people do. But I agree that empathy is so important in how we treat people. Thanks jayda1970 :)

Hi Peggy. It's good to see you..

Then it's just best to stay single.

That ego issue you addressed is often what makes this scenario much uglier than it needs to be .and yes as you and many others said here, empathy and sensitivity are so important in these matters. Well said Piscesmoon02 ! :)