if you have true love then I dont see why you cant
it may seem strange at first you may be nervous for a time
you will eventually know each others siganls body language as time goes on
and that comes from experience with each other

if you feel that you need to keep this pledge and whoever does not aprreciate it or feels funny about it then she may not be for you

Personally, I would never get involved with a man who wanted to wait until marriage. Perhaps it's my age...

Ah, but at least according to your profile, you classify yourself as "non-religious." I know at least one atheist who chose to wait until marriage before having sex, but it's a decision that is much more frequently made for religious reasons.

Yes, religion plays a role. However, being older and having been married, I refuse to have a relationship without sex. The older I get, the more I appreciate sex.

Well put. As others have said you have to follow your heart, and make the decision that you feel you can live with. I have no doubt there are women out there that feel as you do on that topic.

Each to their own.

I will never marry, but my beliefs are different, and I find no qualms with a person electing abstinence for whatever PERSONAL reasons.

I question any man who commits himself to chastity.
It is oftentimes the case for men who are not ABLE to "get laid" to use religion as a justification for their lack of confident, charisma, natural game, etc.
I think you should question yourself: "Am I refusing to fulfill a woman's sexual needs (when I am not married to her) because I am sincerely devoted to my religion, or because I don't feel like I am ABLE to do so?"
If you REALLY want to find out, test yourself. Put yourself in a situation where a woman is literally BEGGING for you to please her. If you tell her "no" out of religious commitment, get back to me. If you tell her yes, then you were looking at the issue from the wrong perspective. If you say "yes but only after we get married," then that's just foolish. You do NOT want to base a marriage on the fact that the two of you are sexually attracted to each other; a marriage is more than that.
In my opinion, you won't really get to understand the REAL value of a pair-bond or marriage until you are able to see past the sex...which can only be achieved by getting used to sex first.
Rock,
-Chief

I've been in this position before and, out of commitment to my faith, I did not give in to temptation.

I agree, mind you, that I do not want my marriage to be [completely] based on sexual attraction. That is, however, ONE criterion on which I intend to base my decision. Emotional attraction and spiritual compatibility are two others. It is also important to me that she and I have a good blend of both shared and diverse interests.

I don't think it's right to try to "see past the sex," though. To me, that demeans the value of of sex in a healthy marriage. I want my wife to be the whole deal. I don't want to sow my wild oats now so that sex won't be all that important to me later. I want sex to continue to be important to me well into my marriage and I want my wife to feel the same way. To me, "seeing past the sex" seems just as bad for the health of a marriage as "seeing past the emotions."

aight, u passed my test at least lol

respect, man

I agree with the advice you had been given on another site:


...As for finding a girl who respects your ideals yet is interested in exploring sex with you when the time is right, I'm gonna have to say that you have little to worry about, my friend. Believe it, she is out there. She's probably your age or a few years younger, but she is out there, and rest assured she will rock your world once you tie that knot.

Meanwhile, don't give in to worry and doubt. You've gotten this far without compromising yourself, so don't you dare cop out now. If you haven't caved in yet for a woman who's interested in you but doesn't want to wait for sex, you need to uphold that same standard when it comes to settling for a woman who will wait for you and is not interested in sex. The key is communication. If you're not going to have sex before marriage, you better get comfortable talking about it in explicit detail beforehand so you both have some clue about what you expect from your forthcoming sex life......

========

Stick to your guns Dude. Ask anyone here about the heartaches from relationships gone sour where sex was involved. I found out my alleged 2yr son wasn't mine, course I wasn't married to his mother when this all happened. 4 years of off and on relationship, I even wanted to marry her after I found out. She took off with another guy for a week in the mountains, that was the closest I came to considering suicide in my life. You stated spiritual reasons, then you already know how that will give you what you need to honor the commitment you have made. I sense it's a commitment between you and God, and I suspect God wants you to honor it and will provide for it. All decisions have unseen and often unknowable consequences, oh no that means faith in the ultimate outcome.

i use to think it was just for marriage.... but then i thought hey if i want a kid by 25 i am going to have to have a few night stands but i was a good girl most of my life

I agree with michigan man.

Mon 11/26/07 04:59 PM
i use to think it was just for marriage.... but then i thought hey if i want a kid by 25 i am going to have to have a few night stands but i was a good girl most of my life
lol i meant ONE! night stands not the things next to your bed i don't think that they would help me too much

i will drink to a man who satisfies needs

your choice is your choice period and noone can answer your ? your just gonna have to wait till that time comes. Personally I wouldn't want to wait for marriage because if we are not compatible sexually i want to know before i commit myself to a series of endless nights lying there pretending i love you touching me and screwing me pretending to orgasm before i say the hell with it and just fake a headache...LOL..........sorry just my opinion

Iceprincess, it is my belief that if there is attraction, then sexual compatibility is just a matter of being willing to invest the effort to please one's partner. Although I've never had sex, I'm not completely inexperienced. I'd like to think that I'm receptive to what my partner wants. If worse comes to worst, it may not be romantic, but asking, "What works for you? What doesn't?" is effective.

honey you keep on believing that ok............I'd suggest marrying another virgin then you won't have t oworry because neither of you will have anything to compare it too.........just a sugestion

physical attraction doesn't always lead to sexual compatibility and asking what works doesn't always work sometimes it is just not there......I will freely admitt i like sex I'm good at what i do........LOL i've never had so called"bad" sex but there are two guys i was attracted to and the sexual compatibility was just never there.

Iceprincess, I appreciate the counterpoint, by the way. I did, after all, initiate this topic with doubts. I like to hear arguments (especially ones backed by experience, as yours is) that support both possible outcomes. I've received some very well-thought arguments encouraging me to stick to my guns. Frankly, that's what I want to do, so I'm glad to have that backing too. I am glad that it isn't a one-sided discussion, though.

Sexual compatibility is not always so simple. I have been in a few relationships (including a 15-year marriage) wherein my partner and I were not sexually compatible. In fact, I was recently involved with a man to whom I am very attracted yet found the sex less-than-satisfactory (and it was not a case of mis-communication as I am very upfront and non-embarrassed regarding all aspects of sexuality).

In my opinion, it is far better, as well as cheaper, to discover if you and your partner are sexually compatible BEFORE getting married.