I was recently asked if I was good at accepting compliments from a complete stranger. I responded with, "It depends on the compliment".

I'm referring to compliments from the opposite sex, as the complete stranger. A compliment is a compliment, but when it's someone you just met, some can make you uncomfortable, while others are more welcome.

If someone were to say, "You have such a touching and tender smile", would that be more welcomed than if they were to say, "You have such a touching and tender smile I have ever come across"? Or would neither be welcomed from someone you don't know? For me the first would be okay, but the "I have ever come across" is uncomfortable.

So, how good are you at accepting compliments from a stranger of the opposite sex? And how do you handle it when someone gives you a compliment?

And what kind of compliments do you feel are acceptable from a complete stranger?

Thanks Whisper for you comment.

I generally am gracious and accept it and thank them, even if the compliment makes me uncomfortable.

I'm not quite sure why it makes me uncomfortable. I have no problem accepting compliments from people or guys I know. But when it comes to a man I don't know, I guess I get a little suspicious (depending on the compliment) or self conscious for some reason.

True...I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out. It's good to be cautious, but sometimes you can be overly cautious and end up chasing someone away by not accepting their compliment.

If you mean messages online.
I don't acknowledge it.
I just thank for the message, respond with something pertinentvto the message or profile and wish them luck.
If it's in real lufe. I thank the person and change the subject, start a conversation relevant to the setting.
Thank you. Didn't you think the speaker makes a good point about...
Thank you. This sure an exciting game. The kids sure are improving in..
Thank you. How are you enjoying this sunshine we're having?

I agree with wisper, compliments can be productive and a way of striking up a conversation as long as they are not rude.
Where as a wolf whistle can be taken as a compliment by some where others are offended by it.

Both online and in person. I am definitely more uncomfortable with those online from a stranger, than face to face. I guess with the online, I get suspicious, and in person, it's more self-conscious.

Thanks ana, I like how you handle them

Thanks mikey and good point. I'm trying to understand also from the man's point of view why they would begin a conversation with someone they don't know with a compliment. I don't want to be suspicious of all of them, some are genuine.

Thanks again mikey

Ex, you look lovely, do you fancy a drink?
Ex, you look rough, can you get out of the way!

Okay, so that would be in person. Do you compliment someone online in meeting them for the first time?

No I don't think you should,
But, the few messages I get usually start with, hello handsome man or similar, obviously foreign,

Thanks mikey

I'm not good at taking compliments from strangers. Don't know why... They usually leave me indifferent, in worse cases make me feel awkward.

But I like get compliments from people who matter to me if they are sincere.

Awkward, yes that is a better word for it, rather than self conscious. I too feel awkward and don't know why. That's part of posting this thread is so I can get some insight into it. And to see how others feel and accept compliments. I am not at all good at it, when it comes to strangers, but would like to change that, so getting feedback helps.

Thanks Sip for your comments

I know why some "compliments" make me uncomfortable or unhappy, even though they aren't rude or suggestive or otherwise threatening in and of themselves:

some people who hand out compliments to strangers, are clearly doing it for a personal, slightly "off" personal reason.

I can tell that the reason they are doing it, is to be able to pat themselves on the back, or give themselves some other psychological reward. The discomfort I feel, is very similar to the icky feeling I get when people are doing clearly very private personal things, in a public setting. I feel a bit as though they were using me to perform a sort of virtual, psychological masturbation on themselves.

It's even worse, when they expect me to be GRATEFUL that they interrupted my life to "receive" their "gift." It's VERY creepy.

And some of them, when I don't respond as they wish me to, try to guilt-trip me into complying with them, by accusing me of "not being able to accept compliments," and thereby proclaim ME to be the defective person for the little social mess they put me in.

Thank you Igor for sharing. There are times when I can identify with that "icky" feeling. And I've had those who have tried to guilt-trip me as well. I'm pretty sensitive, so have the tendency to buy into the guilt-trip and think there's something wrong with me. Your comments and those of the other posters are helping me see differently.

I know I'm one of the odd ducks. I have trouble accepting compliments period. Most likely because I don't feel what that person is complimenting. Of course this most likely is psychological for me, as I don't really feel anything about myself is worth complimenting.

Not so odd Scoob. There was a time when I couldn't accept compliments from even those close to me. It took a lot of practice, even when I didn't believe what they were saying was true. While I practiced graciously accepting it, without undermining it, I tried to see the thing they saw in me and eventually I did, not always though.

Thanks for sharing Scoob

Amazing, Just amazing!
You once again post a topic that is interesting and worthy of introspective.
Delving deep into what makes us, us.

Now I gotta look at a different aspect of myself, one I seldom considered as a focus.

For a long time I felt I wasn't worthy of praise.
I believe (and been told) children of alcoholics often over-do everything searching for recognition. I have always been an over-achiever (as evident by my often long posts) but I couldn't take compliments well. I always felt I could have done it better or done more. My over-achievements felt incomplete to me. I suffered from extreme low self-esteem.

I used to give compliments to people as a ploy. Had a really big-headed boss once. He was hostile, loud and wrong a lot. I learned that if I went to his office as soon as I got to the shop and pumped him with shallow compliments he was more tolerable. I would pump his head so full of compliments his ears scuffed the door frame when he walked thru it. Oh Great One! to his face, Big-Head Ed when he wasn't around.

For years I manipulated the people around me this way. I was constantly told how likeable and easy-going I was. Compliments towards me felt as if I was being set up for something. I often wondered what they wanted from me. Even official awards and ceremonious merits made me feel like I was being played. Why should I get special recognition for doing the right thing or doing my job?

When I started examining myself honestly and started removing my delusions I realized that I have no need for manipulation of others. I still give compliments but only when I truly feel they deserve it. I still have some issue with accepting mundane compliments but I am starting to realize that my normal is not common. I graciously accept the compliment and move about normally. I still see times when someone is trying to manipulate me with compliments and just shrug it off. I control my actions.

If I see a woman that is exceptionally beautiful to me I will tell her she is pretty. When I meet someone that is intellectually articulate I often tell them I value their conversation. When my grandson brings me a painting I compliment him on the parts that I like but hold off on the criticism. The correct compliment can enhance behavior but a incorrect one can cause undesirable behavior.

I'm not one to pump you full of lies so you feel good about yourself. Not anymore. If I compliment you, I really mean it.

I take it for what it was, a compliment. and I smile and say thank you

Thank you greeneyes for your comment.