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| Topic: Artists...... | |
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I've spent a lifetime on music and writing, and, in my experience, the only person who has any chance of clicking with me is another artistic type. I know there are some creative types who are more comfortable with someone "stable" and "down-to-earth," as a sort of counterbalance, but I've tried that, and those types bore me to tears. They do sometimes make good character models for future stories, though.... So what you are saying Lex is it needs to be an equation of... Artist + Creative/Artistic Civilian = Good Relationship ????? |
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Well, yeah, that's basically how it works for me. I have a really short attention span, anyway, and when it comes to relationships, I don't seem to be able to maintain an interest in a "normal" person for more than a few months. I find "mainstream" to be the equivalent of "suffocating."
The best relationship I ever had was with a gf who was not only more intelligent than me (although she never accepted that assessment), but who was an accomplished musician, artist, athlete, photographer, etc. I MAY have had an edge in writing, but that's probably only because she was too busy to do much of it. I have always said that communication is the most important thing in a relationship. For me, creativity is a close second. |
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Well, yeah, that's basically how it works for me. I have a really short attention span, anyway, and when it comes to relationships, I don't seem to be able to maintain an interest in a "normal" person for more than a few months. I find "mainstream" to be the equivalent of "suffocating." The best relationship I ever had was with a gf who was not only more intelligent than me (although she never accepted that assessment), but who was an accomplished musician, artist, athlete, photographer, etc. I MAY have had an edge in writing, but that's probably only because she was too busy to do much of it. I have always said that communication is the most important thing in a relationship. For me, creativity is a close second. Yeah I think communication is #1. Okay what about this.... you have an artist that is so into a project, totally focused on that and the SO(significant other)feels slighted or feels ignored.... any advice for that SO? One who may be of the mainstream variety?? I think Quake touched on the 'suffocating' with the babysitter mentality... So is this why artists seem to be alone, either not living with someone or not dating because they are hard to get along with, set in their ways or just a breed alone?? Okay here's another thought Lex and Thanks for letting me bend your ear on this... So when dealing with an artist, it would be best if the 'mainstreamer' or 'creative' or 'intelligent one' had their "own thing" going... therefore kinda balancing out the scales? |
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I would not be one to group all "artists" together... for sure...
Therefore I speak of myself, as an artist... Creative people must think outside the box... inherently so, they are "leaders" of themselves... The creative process itself, for me at least, must not be hampered... this does include "alone time"... However, that "alone time" has served more than one purpose... It not only allows the atmosphere for the tunnel vision to happen, thereby facilitating the connection to creativity... It also promotes the realization of the importance of the together time... which, to me, is equal in a relationship... not necessarily the amount of time, but the importance of the time... If one is feeling "slighted" by an artist's time in process, then that one should communicate this... and evaluate the products of the discussion... I can guarantee one thing... If the artist feels as though his creative process is in competition with his SO, problems will arise... There can be a healthy balance... at least for me... and the "right" SO.... |
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I would not be one to group all "artists" together... for sure... Therefore I speak of myself, as an artist... Creative people must think outside the box... inherently so, they are "leaders" of themselves... The creative process itself, for me at least, must not be hampered... this does include "alone time"... However, that "alone time" has served more than one purpose... It not only allows the atmosphere for the tunnel vision to happen, thereby facilitating the connection to creativity... It also promotes the realization of the importance of the together time... which, to me, is equal in a relationship... not necessarily the amount of time, but the importance of the time... If one is feeling "slighted" by an artist's time in process, then that one should communicate this... and evaluate the products of the discussion... I can guarantee one thing... If the artist feels as though his creative process is in competition with his SO, problems will arise... There can be a healthy balance... at least for me... and the "right" SO.... Very nicely said....  Thank You
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Edited by
LexFonteyne
on
Sat 11/24/07 07:05 PM
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Well, yeah, that's basically how it works for me. I have a really short attention span, anyway, and when it comes to relationships, I don't seem to be able to maintain an interest in a "normal" person for more than a few months. I find "mainstream" to be the equivalent of "suffocating." The best relationship I ever had was with a gf who was not only more intelligent than me (although she never accepted that assessment), but who was an accomplished musician, artist, athlete, photographer, etc. I MAY have had an edge in writing, but that's probably only because she was too busy to do much of it. I have always said that communication is the most important thing in a relationship. For me, creativity is a close second. Yeah I think communication is #1. Okay what about this.... you have an artist that is so into a project, totally focused on that and the SO(significant other)feels slighted or feels ignored.... any advice for that SO? One who may be of the mainstream variety?? I think Quake touched on the 'suffocating' with the babysitter mentality... So is this why artists seem to be alone, either not living with someone or not dating because they are hard to get along with, set in their ways or just a breed alone?? Okay here's another thought Lex and Thanks for letting me bend your ear on this... So when dealing with an artist, it would be best if the 'mainstreamer' or 'creative' or 'intelligent one' had their "own thing" going... therefore kinda balancing out the scales? OK, it probably works completely differently for different people with different SO's -- but for me, when I'm totally absorbed in a project, I really need to be left alone to deal with that. Someone who understands this is a tremendous asset, but the problem is that a lot of people see the project as "competition" rather than as a part of ME -- and treat it accordingly. Which is not really the case at all -- but reflects an insecurity on THEIR part -- I mean, the need for the expression of creativity is, for some of us, not really all that different from the need to breathe or eat or come in out of the snow. It's not "competition" for the SO, it's an aspect of our personalities, as artists -- and (quite probably) one of the reasons the SO was interested in us in the first place. But the perspective changes once the SO becomes "comfortable" within the parameters of a defined relationship -- because, now, the artistic aspect demands your TIME, which the insecure SO also wants to demand, creating a wholly unnecessary conflict. I think your idea of the SO having their "own thing" is probably the best scenario -- when I was married, I used to try to find/create something for my wife to do while I was working with the band -- this usually involved me calling some of my female friends and having them take her shopping or something for a few hours -- I couldn't do ANYTHING creative if she was around, there were constant interruptions and things -- As for the question of why artists live alone -- I suspect it's just this sort of thing, this inability to be left alone in an environment that is conducive to the kind of monodirectional focus required for the creative process to function effectively -- the "good one" was constantly talking to me about her creations, my creations, discussing and dissecting, but she knew WHEN to do it, and how -- and when NOT to -- it was almost instinctive, I think, and never intrusive or distracting.... Because artists, I think, love to talk about their art -- but moreso in the pre- stages (when the project is still being formulated, still being "created"), and in the post- stages (after the fact; let us examine this piece in a sort of "hindsight"), as opposed to while the thing is being created. I guess, in a way, I almost see it as a matter of respect -- do you respect what I do, enough to let me do it the right way, while the focus is there? Or must you interrupt and interfere because you see it as competition? Because if you see it as competition, then you really couldn't have ever understood me in the first place....if that makes any sense.... A "mainstream" SO definitely needs to find some other interest, a hobby, a distraction, a bingo tournament, or whatever -- go out for lunch with some friends -- while, at the same time, I think it does help if the SO makes an effort to take SOME interest in the partner's art -- (although this can be incredibly difficult for some, and I have been in situations where the true indicator of an absolute mismatch is just this sort of thing) -- |
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Well said Lex...
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Someone who understands this is a tremendous asset, but the problem is that a lot of people see the project as "competition" rather than as a part of ME -- and treat it accordingly. I think "one" who truly understands the "artist" would see that project as an extension of the "artist" themselves... but an understanding SO would have to balance the art vs reality.... okay 8 hours(am I or they still breathing?) and this 'artist' needs to eat, take a break...but that would go back to good communication or have a "word" that means "something" But the perspective changes once the SO becomes "comfortable" within the parameters of a defined relationship -- because, now, the artistic aspect demands your TIME, which the insecure SO also wants to demand, creating a wholly unnecessary conflict. I think that would work both ways, an "artist" becoming comfortable within the parameters too that they could maybe open up more so... and having that special some one in their life they can relate with makes them flourish even more as Quake mentioned and maybe find their 'muse' flow more so? -- the "good one" was constantly talking to me about her creations, my creations, discussing and dissecting, but she knew WHEN to do it, and how -- and when NOT to -- it was almost instinctive, I think, and never intrusive or distracting.... Instinctive.... interesting.... Because artists, I think, love to talk about their art -- but moreso in the pre- stages (when the project is still being formulated, still being "created"), and in the post- stages (after the fact; let us examine this piece in a sort of "hindsight"), as opposed to while the thing is being created. It is nice to have someone to bounce ideas and share things with... Because if you see it as competition, then you really couldn't have ever understood me in the first place....if that makes any sense.... Well put and makes alot of sense.... A "mainstream" SO definitely needs to find some other interest, a hobby, a distraction, a bingo tournament, or whatever -- go out for lunch with some friends -- while, at the same time, I think it does help if the SO makes an effort to take SOME interest in the partner's art -- (although this can be incredibly difficult for some, and I have been in situations where the true indicator of an absolute mismatch is just this sort of thing) -- Sorry I chuckled at Bingo  I can never keep a poker face when I hear Bingo... So what would you as an artist as... SOME interest for a mainstream SO? And where would you raise an eyebrow that it borderline too much? |
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Edited by
LexFonteyne
on
Sat 11/24/07 08:17 PM
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Yokoke -- After dozens of relationships, my ultimate solution is that I simply wouldn't have a mainstream SO anymore. Tried it, over and over, and it simply doesn't work. These are the people who have no vision of the intrinsic workings and operations of the "artist," and are therefore completely unable to adjust to the whole concept.
In my experience, they tend to focus solely on trying to turn me into someone else, i.e., someone more "standardized" to their own personal agendas. I had a gf who used to like to say, "I'll show you, you can be domesticated after all," and I felt like I was about to be turned into a goat or something. Because, in reality, I just CAN'T be domesticated, not in the way she meant it. That would kill me. Seriously, I'd rather be dead than live her "domesticated" lifestyle. She's married now, with two kids and two jobs and a house they can't even come close to being able to afford, and her husband is probably the best guy I have ever met, but her life is basically a cardboard cutout taken directly from the charts on the finance page of USA Today. And I can't live her kind of life. And the saddest part, for me, is that, 10 years ago, she used to be brilliant and creative and she wrote some amazing poetry; none of which applies anymore because she's too busy being "domestic." It killed her creativity. That's typical of "mainstream." That's why I will have no part of it. But I think every situation is different. I have heard of artists who were in relationships with people who were totally "mainstream," and it worked for them. I suspect one or both parties, in those arrangements, were unusally flexible, in some aspects of the relationship. I don't know for sure. I just wouldn't do it again. Creativity is too important to me. And I'm more aware of that than ever, having spent a year on a dating site where 90% of the "Local Matches" lack the creativity to write three complete sentences about themselves in their profiles. I've spent too many years dealing with women whose most creative activities were buying shoes or complaining about their relatives. Having been with someone whose overall level of creativity and intellect completely dwarfed my own, I could never be happy with the creative shoe-buyers again. |
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My ex husband used to introduce me as ... this is my wife ... she's an artist ... said in THAT tone ... like it somehow explained me ... my liberal views ... my questioning nature ... my abstract thinking .... hmmm ...how strange that he felt that I required prefacing ... even in jest ...
 Artists can be dreamers ... free thinkers ... questioners ... problem solvers ... driven ... focused ... The creative process can be extremely fragile too ... in the beginning ... Dream squishers are everywhere ... wouldn't it be nice if your SO understood that and was supportive and nurturing? |
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if you ever have time rent a movie called "Pollock" with Ed Harris Very good movie... Thanks for the recommendation Def a thumbs up movie 
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In my experience, they tend to focus solely on trying to turn me into someone else, i.e., someone more "standardized" to their own personal agendas. People have to realize you can't change a person..... And I can't live her kind of life. And you shouldn't have to  And the saddest part, for me, is that, 10 years ago, she used to be brilliant and creative and she wrote some amazing poetry; none of which applies anymore because she's too busy being "domestic." It killed her creativity. That's typical of "mainstream." That's why I will have no part of it. Life does that to many Lex... sometimes not out of choice. But I think every situation is different. That is so true. I think when you stumble upon something so special that things just 'flow' naturally like a hidden brook or stream and it feels right... you still will have to work at a relationship of give and take, like Quake mentioned (give n take). Creativity is too important to me. And I'm more aware of that than ever, having spent a year on a dating site where 90% of the "Local Matches" lack the creativity to write three complete sentences about themselves in their profiles. Is there even a friend/dating site geared for "artists"? Now there is a forum that would be interesting to be a fly on the wall in LOL I could never be happy with the creative shoe-buyers again. That is good though that you have an understanding from past experience to know WHAT you DON'T want. So many repeat that cycles of bad choices.... Awesome input Lex... Thanks Again
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Lovers definitely make the best Artists.
-s1owhand |
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My ex husband used to introduce me as ... this is my wife ... she's an artist ... said in THAT tone ... like it somehow explained me ... my liberal views ... my questioning nature ... my abstract thinking .... hmmm ...how strange that he felt that I required prefacing ... even in jest ... OMG!!   THAT tone..... like you are green and had the spaceship out back... Sounds like he has some some major insecurity issues.... Artists can be dreamers ... free thinkers ... questioners ... problem solvers ... driven ... focused ... That is an open can... there is no definite definition of an artist because I think daily that energy of cosmos blueprint would change depending on where projects are at, life is at and that in itself is a beautiful concept. Dream squishers are everywhere ... wouldn't it be nice if your SO understood that and was supportive and nurturing? Dream squishers... nice term. To find that SO that made it click for you... would be nice indeed.... Thank You ArtGurl for your input... I appreciate it! This has been very 'eyeopening' Thanks to all who have shared.   |
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Lovers definitely make the best Artists. -s1owhand LOL Yeah Quake and Jess ummmmmmm made that opposite point too on page 1 that "Artists make the Best Lovers" LOL  
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Yokoke,
All very good advice, but the missing word is 'passion'. pas·sion /ˈpæʃən/ –noun 1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate. 2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor. 3. strong sexual desire; lust. 4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire. 5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire. 6. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music. 7. the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him. 8. an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words. 9. violent anger. The lion's share of society use that word in reference to things more basal, but it isnt that at all. Passion is vitality. Passion is a zest for all things - LIFE. Passion is a firey intensity that only the creative mind can tolerate - they are the ones who know how to interpret true passion in ways the layman is able understand. They feel everything at a depth that would nearly kill the simple - who cover the concept ignorantly with a blanket called 'crazy'. Being with someone like that is to be carried along the crest of an ocean wave - while burning from the soul. Survivable, when understood. The important thing is to remember the space. There must be plenty of space. :) XXX Bex |
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I guess simply with an understanding that the way you think and view the world is mostly abstract to the artist and that some acts committed by the artist my seem ridiculous to you but to them it is a turning point or maybe an epiphany for the ages. I would i wish that ll peopl are approached with a toleance of expression and not just those deemed more reputable than others..blah blah blah lol -OPEN ARMS
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Yokoke, All very good advice, but the missing word is 'passion'. ???? The original questions were: Any advice for the relationship as in dating?? Any advice for living together with an artist?? I think many brought up passion... Thanks for the input...
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I would i wish that ll peopl are approached with a toleance of expression and not just those deemed more reputable than others..blah blah blah lol -OPEN ARMS In a perfect world yes.... but we know it's not perfect.... Only our perceptions of it... thanks. |
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i myself do dabble in the arts and it is a life that i wish not for others. I am repeatedly ripped apart by the desire inside to write, or sketch or mod something and time and time again those needs come before my human needs, the need to be held is secondary to the want to express..It is funny that the things shy away from in life are usually the main focus in my art..SUCH A BUMMER..
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