Something to watch out for, especially these days, is the way that especially energized people do what used to be called "talking past each other."

It happens in different ways, under different circumstances, but "talking past each other," or "talking at cross purposes" is what it's called when two (or more) people THINK they are communicating, but they are actually referring to and reacting to something other than what the other person is actually talking about.

In close relationships, it's common for someone who has a past they have yet to reveal completely, to react badly or much more emotionally to something you say, and to thereby confuse or even anger you. It's something to watch out for, in order to make the best of things. Advice: when someone overreacts to you, rather than immediately deciding they are either nuts, or fundamentally incompatible with you right away, calm yourself as best you can, and investigate through more careful communication, to find out what's really going on.

This is important when we get into hot politicized subjects here in the forums as well. I get attacked regularly by people assuming that I believe some nutty thing, because I chanced to use key words about another subject, that they've taught themselves to apply all sorts of additional meanings to, that I never even hinted at.

Basic general advice: work on recognizing your own ASSUMPTIONS, and then VERIFY THEM before you run off on a rant or a wail about them.

Well put. I see it all the time. I find it rather difficult to speak with most people. The reason is probably because they focus on the less important items in the conversation and miss everything that could help them.

I was going to offer a reply addressing each point you made individually but everything you said is spot on, well worded and understood. Great Topic!

My golden rule as I said before is to learn how to communicate. Communication is not just how you understand others but also includes how you understand yourself.

Sometimes I close my eyes when someone is talking to me. It enables me to concentrate on the words being used to convey their meaning. What I have found, from trial and error, is that many people use words that don't fit the real meaning. It does to them but since I am not drawing on their personal associations for the meaning of those words it gets mixed up. That is when I ask questions. I also try to repeat what I heard back to them in my own words to see if I understood what they said.

As a lead mechanic in the shop it fell to me to give OJT to my fellow mechanics. Some of the jobs are extremely complex. One thing that I learned is that repeating back helps to clarify meaning. I call that thing a widget but he calls it a doo-hickey kind of thing.

The words we choose to convey meaning need to coinside with the words the listener uses. When they don't, the listener often replaces the word with something from their own reference trying to understand. That often leads to misunderstanding.

The written words online, in forums, should be written using words established in meaning. In today's world, any word can be 'googled' to find the meaning. This requires a commitment to understanding the meaning and admitting to yourself that you do not know. It also requires a function to be performed to find out what it means; Google it or ask about it.

When conveying complex meaning in written words, not only must we understand the words used but the effect of those words in that sequence. Comprehending complex ideas or intentions requires not only having understanding skills from the reader but composing skills from the writer.

I'm a fairly good speller. I use spell check everytime I compose a message or reply anyway. I also proof read before and after posting to see if what I wrote means what I intended. Sometimes a key word, spelled right but improperly used, can change my intended meaning.

Each of us takes what is written or said in our own way. Sometimes it is perfectly understood and sometimes not. When it is not, the knee-jerk reaction is to be offended. Do we become offended from what we thought was written/said or because we personally feel bad for not understanding?

I try to remember that I can delete/erase a written word but once said out loud, a word cannot be unheard.