So yeah, my girlfriend of two years left me three months ago to go back to her ex-husband. They have two kids together and are separated for nine years! I have two kids also but I'm divorced. Here is my situation that I need help with. For two years when we were together I was on cloud nine, both of us. It was great I would sleep over her house four, five, six nights a week. Love was in our hearts and happiness was through the roof. Her kids and my kids got along great, My family loved her, her Family loved me. So I go on a business trip for four days and I come back and she tells me her and her ex have been talking and they're going to try to reconcile for the benefit of the kids, they deserve to see and have the family/ parents together. Her kids are 9 & 11. I said are you kidding me? Your ex-husband physically abused you when you were married to him, wasn't there in the hospital when you gave birth to either one of your kids because he was out doing drugs. He was a big drug head, cost your family $40,000 because he told the town you had an illegal basement apartment after you left him. And your family got hit with a 40k fine. How in the world can you give this guy another chance? Oh and they did try to reconcile one time within the nine years and guess what happened… he beat her then also.... so somebody tell me what in the world is going on? Because I still have strong feelings for her, let's be honest I still love her… I tried to go and speak to her so I could hear it straight from her mouth rather than over text and she she was crying to me and hugging me and saying she sorry but she thinks it's the right decision for her children. I don't understand it hence the reason why I'm divorced and not separated. There is a heck of a lot more to the story but it's been three months since we haven't been together and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I'm respecting her and not contacting her since but it kills me every day.
Sorry for venting

Doesn't seem to be your fault. She needs some professional help on her self-esteem, and I hope she gets it. No woman should have to go back to what seems to be an abuser.

The best for you is to not focus on what she does or her reasons for it as it doesn't matter and you need to move on with your life. If you find yourself continuing to perseverate about her please seek help as obsessing only hurts you and your kids and does nothing to change her choices which need to be respected not judged as they are her choices and you are best served accepting what you find so painful and difficult..

something doesn't look right to me, I would bet she was seeing him long before she told you she was going back to him

Thanks guys you both give good insight. I say the same thing once an abuser always an abuser. She says he went to therapy and has changed after the second time he abused her. What can I say besides shake my head and look in her eyes and say why why why? I'm right here we were together for two years and it was freaking great all she says was I have to do the right thing for my children. It's funny you say she needs professional help because she has gone to a therapist in the past and was on anxiety medication. It's seem to work but I just don't understand her. And truthfully the second time I went over there to speak to her father because we had a great relationship, I brought flowers and she came out of the house and I broke down in tears because I knew just by her body language she was done. Long story short she told me please do not come around anymore and if I don't leave she's calling the cops are calling her ex-husband I said do me a favor please call your ex-husband and I would like to speak to him because he's taking away the best thing I've ever had in my life and I'm not going down without a fight. She ended up calling him I grab the phone away from her and I said what are you doing you piece of human garbage what gives you the audacity to come back into her life after all the miserable terrible toxic things you have done to her and her family and steal her away from me. I hung up on him two minutes later the cops were there. Again long story short nothing happened until that night when the sheriff knock on my door and hit me with an order of protection. So the court date came I went to court and she never showed up so the judge dropped it. That was basically my wake up call to say to myself **** it Chris got to move forward

Couple of people said that to me… But we were together all the time so I don't know when she would possibly have time. That's my only case why I don't believe that

Meant to reply back to green eyes

I hear ya and I know you are hurting but no woman makes a instant decision like that and zip.. she's gone.. and he's waiting in the wings to take her in.

Doesn't happen that way.

Hope you do o.k.

good luck

Give her some room...they may have some drama between them that needs to play out...stay cool and stay friends...

You're right... I just don't want to accept it bec it's so hard to wrap my brain around

Thanks... hard to stay friends when she hit me w an oop. But I'm laying low n hopefully she opens her eyes sooner then later and reaches out to me bec I'm still here for her

Move on. If you can't do it on your own find a therapist. Nothing positive will come from your continuing to obsess over this woman. There is so much wrong, from all angles, with what you're saying that I would need a couple of pages to list it all.

As hard as it would be for you op..you should let her go...and move on with you and your kids life. ..she could be going back to him for the sake of the children..she is holding on to the hope of the way things used to be with her and him as a family....she may love you!.. but she's more in love with what she used to have..with him..them as a family....it will be hard for you to let her go...but she has made her bed..let her lay in it..mybe it's best for her kids to be with there DAD...

Thank you and I haven't contacted her or seen her since November 14. Court was December 14 and she didn't show. I'm taking that as a kind gesture from her not to mess up my relationship with my kids. Either way, I know the ball is in her court and I'm not reaching out to her at all. But I still have hope and I don't want to give up that she will contact me… Sooner or later I'll get over her but three months just is not enough time yet

Thanks buddy, I do appreciate your words. And it does make sense hearing it from somebody else besides a friend or family. But listen, I think you're giving her ex-husband too much credit. On top of the abuse and the drugs he was gone for the first two years of the kids lives. Nobody knew where he was. Supposedly he was upstate doing drugs, selling drugs. And then he has the audacity to come back and act like he's back in the picture. She tried to get a divorce from him but he would never signed the papers and always disagreed with the stipulations. And I'm only saying all this because she told me this. So for her to go back to him I can't understand. But again it's her choice, it's her decision and that's the bottom line. I know I'm an idiot for wanting to sit on my hands and hope and pray that she comes back to me and it might just be a pipe dream but I'm not ready yet to give up even after she played the hell out of me

Yes it is her choice.. and you have a choice as well... do you continue holding out hope that she will leave him' the father of her children and come running back to you....
Are do you suck it up ..be her friend and say I wish you all the best..
Hope things work out for you..

But I'm going to look for somebody that really cares for me.... you! Op deserve to be happy as well...
Yes!! you will have to go back to being alone and lonely.. and choke back the tears when you miss the good times the both of you had together..
But eventually you will learn from this and be a better person for it..
And a better person for the next woman you meet.. you need to invest in you now not in somebody else's relationship..yup

I've been trying to focus on myself and all the free time I have now by going to the gym and keeping busy. But it just sucks so much, I just wish I knew what was in her head giving him yet a Nother chance. I mean we went on three vacations this summer one with her kids one with my kids and me and her to Miami. A month later after our Miami trip is when she hit me with this. So I have a lot of questions that I probably will never get answers to and that's on me to get past. Like I said I don't speak to her, text her or anything because this is her wishes. I'm holding out on her hopefully she will contact me and we can have a conversation one day and see where that goes. But her brother, sister and parents all say the same thing. It's just a matter of time before he hits her again and then she's going to run her next BF. Either way I'm not ready for a relationship now and I'm just trying to focus on my kids and myself. But again it does suck not having her in my life. OK I'm done LOL thank you guys

Yes you probably will never get the answers you seek...and let's be honest..
What guy ever knows what a woman is thinking..lol..take care..best of luck..

Lmao exactly they have a brain process that only another woman can understand! Thanks buddy take care appreciate it

You think she's not in your life? She's obviously in your head likely 24/7 from the sound of it. Until you truly grasp the fact that you are much better off without her she will remain in your head and your life.