An hillbilly boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this paw?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "boy, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father , not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . .
"Go get your maw

Where is that elevator at?
I wanna ride in it, LOL.

pms, you don't need the elevator!

Thank you. But you are just being sweet.

I am always sweet... but believe me.. You aren't bad looking.. you don't need that magical elevator..

i axt my pa an he sai it trew wen he waz in da sity

lol shoe..

Thank you JustynTime.

So a southern baptist preacher is walking home one Sunday afternoon down a long dusty road and he sees a little boy riding his tricycle around the front yard of his home. The problem is, as the boy rides, one of his back wheels keeps popping off. Frustrated, the little boy curses, "Goddamn!" and gets off to put his wheel back on. He rides around again, the wheel pops off, and the kid yells "Goddamn!" before getting off to put it back on.

Now the preacher watches this intently for a few minutes, and finally he walks over to the boy and says, "Say... son, why do you always have to say that bad word every time your wheel comes off?" The little boy looks up at him with innocent eyes and says, "I don't know mister... it just seems like the appropriate thing to do."

"Try this," the preacher says, "Next time that wheel pops off, say 'Praise Jesus' and that wheel will pop right back on." The boy looks at him, then says, "Okay mister." So he gets back on and starts riding around. When the wheel falls off, he cries out "Praise Jesus!" and the wheel miraculously pops back on.

The preacher sees this and mutters to himself, "Goddamn..."