Give me this perps profile...
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Dead British man who was found stripped and tied to an airport bench was 'found with a slice of ham on each buttock and his genitals wedged into a can of TUNA'

Steven Allford, 51, was found on a bench in an outdoor area outside airport
He had his hand and leg tied to bench with cable ties and trousers down
Slice of ham was on each buttock and his genitals were in an open tuna can
Police waiting for post-mortem but suspect he may have been choked
Investigators also believe he may have been the victim of sexual assault
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More here:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3863986/Dead-British-man-stripped-tied-airport-bench-slice-ham-buttock-genitals-wedged-TUNA.html

I'm tempted to go with the jilted lover mad over a small penis angle because of the genitals being put in a tuna can.....but I can't explain the ham slices on the butt cheeks

Ham and Tuna.

One would think they'd have left a bit of salad to finish the gastronomic scene.

A tossed salad, no less

Instead of ham, they should have used slices of rump roast.

Hahahahahaha!!

Perhaps the perp was a VERY militant vegan.

Given the theme here, I shudder to think where they might find some kielbasa during the autopsy.

It is a bit fishy, innit?
And to use a tuna can, very humiliating, even in death. I mean, who the heck likes tuna? Probably not even a cat.

What did he do so bad to deserve death?
Did he get caught dipping his dipper?

Pfffttt....

In a can of tuna apparently lol

"This just in: International law enforcement officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, have declared that this grisly murder was the act of the Chick-fil-A cow Super Chicken Consortium. These officials say that these animals have put aside their differences and banded together to fight against what they perceive as unprovoked cruelty against their kind on the part of the human race. Officials furthermore state that these animals dispatched their two most lethal Hitmen, Porky Pig and Charlie the Tuna, to carry out the hit. Officials say that Charlie and Porky are not only very dangerous but that they also always leave their calling cards at the scene of the crime. We here at ALLBS News will bring you more on this story as soon as it becomes available."

I am not going to eat tin fish again.

Just look for "Dipper-free" on the label.

That reminds me of The Ladies Man.
"was your father a meat burglar? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole 2 fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress"


Hey!
That reminds me of The Ladies Man too!
"So...you...don't want a fish sandwich?"


"If you are a rich lady, and I have boned you...Please meet me at the Nacho Cart. If you are a rich lady, and would like to be boned...Please meet me at the Nacho Cart"

From The Ladies Man!



Leon Phelps!

Maybe the Hamburgular struck again. He does do weird stuff.
Perhaps he is acting out of jealousy for Ronald's bad clown epidemic.

i like tuna..

Btw, just read a cpl hours ago that an autopsy revealed he died of alcohol poisoning......which makes the ham slices and tuna even more strange to me

Bernie spent the weekend at a frat party