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| Topic: If Your Mate No Longer Loves You.... | |
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Hi..
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The easy and logical answer indeed would be: leave or ask him to leave. However, things usually aren't black and white in a relationship. Apart from the practicalities, like a house/mortgage etc., there's also a letting go of comfortable and familiar routines -and I believe a great many ppl stay together because they fear letting go of those-, and also letting go of the partner emotionally. I've experienced in the past that can still be quite a process in itself, even though you know you don't love them that way anymore. Depending on context (just dating/having a family together/etc.) it's not only letting go of the partner, but with them a part of your life and hopes and dreams for the future. All that stuff goes through your head before you decide to split up. I was the one out of love with my ex hubby, and the question that bothered me the most was: "Do I have the right to ruin the lives of 3 other people? Who am I to do that? Can I do that?" I didn't love him anymore as a partner, but I still cared for him. his siblings, their spouses my father in law my nieces and nephews and my kids when you are a part of the family you walk away from a lot more than just him... took me years to get to the point that staying no longer became the better option.. It certainly isnt an easy decision to make Tmom. If its not too personal what was the ultimate pro or con that made you decide that staying wasnt worth it , after you had done all you could to save the relationship? 
you cannot change someone who is not willing to change for himself |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Wed 10/19/16 03:38 PM
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Like so many people have stated..
I believe if leaving was a viable option.. Most people would leave.. It's easy to leave that type of relationship... But it is even harder to stay in a Loveless relationship... if kids are financial obligations.. come into play.. .. it would be a hard line to walk.. Wanting your own Freedom wanting out of the relationship but feeling trapped somehow.... walking away from one person is easy enough.. The walking away from your children or your financial obligations... is something totally different.... so I guess the only answer is if you can leave leave... if you have to stay make the best of it... split your bills down the middle don't argue around your children show a united front for their sake... and then separately try to find some happiness somehow.... just my humble opinion..ohhh...yhea .jmho...lol |
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Hi.. Hi cyndi! |
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The easy and logical answer indeed would be: leave or ask him to leave. However, things usually aren't black and white in a relationship. Apart from the practicalities, like a house/mortgage etc., there's also a letting go of comfortable and familiar routines -and I believe a great many ppl stay together because they fear letting go of those-, and also letting go of the partner emotionally. I've experienced in the past that can still be quite a process in itself, even though you know you don't love them that way anymore. Depending on context (just dating/having a family together/etc.) it's not only letting go of the partner, but with them a part of your life and hopes and dreams for the future. All that stuff goes through your head before you decide to split up. I was the one out of love with my ex hubby, and the question that bothered me the most was: "Do I have the right to ruin the lives of 3 other people? Who am I to do that? Can I do that?" I didn't love him anymore as a partner, but I still cared for him. his siblings, their spouses my father in law my nieces and nephews and my kids when you are a part of the family you walk away from a lot more than just him... took me years to get to the point that staying no longer became the better option.. It certainly isnt an easy decision to make Tmom. If its not too personal what was the ultimate pro or con that made you decide that staying wasnt worth it , after you had done all you could to save the relationship?
you cannot change someone who is not willing to change for himself Soo ultimately you decided that change was necessary for welfare or growth . Makes sense 
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Like so many people have stated.. I believe if leaving was a viable option.. Most people would leave.. It's easy to leave that type of relationship... But it is even harder to stay in a Loveless relationship... if kids are financial obligations.. come into play.. .. it would be a hard line to walk.. Wanting your own Freedom wanting out of the relationship but feeling trapped somehow.... walking away from one person is easy enough.. The walking away from your children or your financial obligations... is something totally different.... so I guess the only answer is if you can leave leave... if you have to stay make the best of it... split your bills down the middle don't argue around your children show a united front for their sake... and then separately try to find some happiness somehow.... just my humble opinion..ohhh...yhea .jmho...lol 
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Thu 10/20/16 05:29 AM
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Like so many people have stated.. I believe if leaving was a viable option.. Most people would leave.. It's easy to leave that type of relationship... But it is even harder to stay in a Loveless relationship... if kids are financial obligations.. come into play.. .. it would be a hard line to walk.. Wanting your own Freedom wanting out of the relationship but feeling trapped somehow.... walking away from one person is easy enough.. The walking away from your children or your financial obligations... is something totally different.... so I guess the only answer is if you can leave leave... if you have to stay make the best of it... split your bills down the middle don't argue around your children show a united front for their sake... and then separately try to find some happiness somehow.... just my humble opinion..ohhh...yhea .jmho...lol It seems like one of those cases in life where you are forced to choose the lesser of two evils. Either way , it seems like all the important stakeholders lose in one way or the other . Your recommedation makes sense Doc, but if finding happiness separately means dating other peoole , then I would hope the couple involved would be mutually honest with each other about it. Having discreet affairs behind your mates back whether offline or online or whether temoorary or longterm is unacceptable in my opiniin |
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yes
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yes
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