I have read this phrase in another post... which caused me to ponder..
Do I have a need to be 'needed' ? then, 'needed' for what?
What do I need? Am I getting what I need from this site?
I fullfil my needs first, while considering the needs of others...

As far as relationships...
I think men need to FEEL needed & women need to FEEL desired.


* That may be the most sexist thing I ever said in my life...so bye now *

Unfortunately for me yes I do think a lot of people need to feel needed. I totally suck at making guys feel like I need them, one of the many reasons I'm single lol

Is asking a guy to do something for you, to help you get something done, making him feel needed?
This one guy I know.. he's saying to me "how can I help?"; "tell me what you want me to do";... so I said that I needed something moved.. and he got that accomplished for me. yeah!

This topic sounds too needy to me...lol
.. and a little bit clingy..lol

Lot of women need to be needed ... Needed for what doesn't matter, it's about feeling to be needed, not what for.
Many need that so they do not have to address their own issues but can focus on someone else's.
Lack of self-worth can be another one. When others need you (whatever for) you feel good, validated. It fills a void that you cannot fill yourself.
Just look at yourself, women around you, a great many women have this "pleaser" syndrome. This unstoppable need to help. Many of those are working in healthcare, and if that is the reason, the reason for working healthcare is not the right choice.

As for men, as far as I've understood they need to feel needed for their egos. That ties in with their need to provide and protect.
When you constantly reject his love and care (his provide & protect), he will end up feeling emasculated.
In men this is a healthy thing, within reason of course.
In women, not so much. It gets you what phD reacts to: Clingy, I'm outta here!

For myself I don't think it's about feeling needed.. it's about feeling appreciated.... not being taken for granted... we all have needs wants and desires... but do we need someone to fulfill.. our needs wants and desires..?..no.. but when somebody does the trick is to appreciate them... let them know how much it means to us, that they are forfilling our needs..

hooray I knew this counseling thing was gonna come in handy

All the usual semantics concerns apply to things like this.

In particular, I've seen that the word "need" gets used a LOT these days, when the person using it, was talking about something else entirely.

Most of all, lots of people who have DESIRES which they also want to refuse to take responsibility for, will call them "needs" as a sort of social disguise.

Sassyeuro, I am familiar with the idea you expressed, that men and women differ, and that men "need" one thing and women "need" another. The one you described has become fairly popular, actually. I don't like it myself, as expressed. No criticism of you of course, I'm just picky about exact word usages.

I have seen that there are lots of inherent, at least GENERAL differences between the nominal sexes, but that those differences are often difficult to describe simply.

Maybe the idea that "men want to be needed, and women want to be desired," has to do with OTHER modern social fads or characteristics. I'm thinking that all genders, as human beings, want to be uniquely appreciated, and to have a sense of personal well being. And that there are slightly different ways that that sense of well being or security, tends to be expressed, due to differing ROLES that have come to be assigned to each member of society.

It is fairly common for males to derive a sense of security from being FUNCTIONALLY NEEDED. Perhaps women are more likely to feel secure and in control of their lives, when they are DESIRED, I don't know, since I haven't been a female for at least sixty-five years.

I myself have found that I do NOT want to be "needed," per se. My experience with people who "need" me, has been that if I am out of town for more than a few days, they decide to fulfill their "needs" elsewhere. So I have come to have a VERY negative view about "needs."

Instead, I want to be UNIQUELY AND SPECIFICALLY DESIRED.

The only person who is needed is Nanny McPhee.

reciprocity

except when you see this anymore it usually means whatever I do for you
you must do in return

not really what I mean

it is about a little appreciation
someone noticing when you do the little things


favorite coffee creamer

turns radio to the channel that you like


mows the lawn before you get home so you don't have to

clean towels in closet

calls on their lunch break to hear your voice


think danger is..for both men and women

as we get older and oh sooooo independent


is that we no longer require anyone to do a damn thing for us

because we can do it our own damn selves thank you very much



something is lost in the process

I have no need to be needed.

I already know that I'm worthy.

I guess others aren't............

We don't need to be needed. I don't need to be needed. Just be wanted and loved.

Yes.
Ask anyone that is always picked last for dodge ball.

Or anyone who never gets asked to go do things by their "friends."

Or anyone who realizes their job could be done by a monkey.

Or anyone that succumbs to peer pressure.

"Needed" = "belongs, desired, has purpose" = "not kicked out of the group into the dangerous wild among the tigers, strangers, and elements."

People who aren't needed tend to be ostracized, at the very least indirectly.

Being ostracized is an atavistic fear every human being on the planet shares.


Yes.
But if you aren't "needed" romantically you're going to seek out being "needed" by someone else, some other group.
Work, family, kids, community. Something to sublimate a lack somewhere else.


Whatever you want to be needed for.
Usually for whatever makes you feel the most pleasure (mental, emotional, physical, social, spiritual, etc.) and least amount of guilt/stress.


The same things as everyone else.
You only recognize those needs being fulfilled in different ways to different extents than everyone else, with some overlap in recognizing needs being met, which is relevant to romantic relationships where a lot of needs are the same, where fulfilling your needs also fulfills theirs.


Not everything is directly fulfilling a need or even supposed to.
You may be getting some of what you need from one source (work? t.v.? spaghettio's?) and this website fulfills a relief of stress
for the lack of need fulfillment somewhere else, and that somewhere else could be a transitory situation that may lead to greater need fulfillment in the future.

i.e. Putting a band aid on a scraped elbow doesn't fulfill a need, but it might be helping something, if you got it while training to run a marathon for fame and accomplishment.


IMO the danger here is you never really know what other people "need" because other people don't really have an accurate picture of what they "need."

A lot of people rationalize and don't want to accurately identify what they "need" because what they may need could make them seem "bad."
The more time, effort, and energy you spend trying to figure out what people really "need" the more time, effort, and energy you are taking away from accurately identifying and fulfilling your own needs.

IMO it would be "better" to "fulfill what I perceive to be my needs first, while considering the potential harm and consequences to fulfilling them, including as it concerns future potential fulfillment."
IMO that leads to greater honesty although a lot of people will judge you selfish. But at least you'll actually fulfill your needs.