Yeah I do think that prayer and meditation are very theraputic for some people Kitty

Your last paragraph reminds me of what Simply complicated said about not clinging to old beliefs so firmly and being more fleible to present realities. :)

Yeah. I think realistically there will be moments when we give in to our darker thoughts

TMommy you are simply delightful to read. You do have wisdom and have passed this on. I am positive it will help.

One thing not mentioned that has healed me is forgiveness. If you think about the person or action you give it power. Take away that power by releasing it and forgiving. It set me free from a traumatic childhood and things in my adulthood to the point that I do not think about it anymore and I live in the freedom of my today. Forgiveness unlocks the prison of bitterness. It worked for me. All the best.

Cant speak for all the guys on here, but personally, holding grudges, bitterness and negative thoughts...hardly becometh a man.....I think we are built that way....when we walk away from the problem....the whole issue is put behind us.....lol...we even get re-married three times.....now that says plenty....

I know not everybody is religious but I always think of forgiveness as something divine , and you are right Intigt. Forgiveness is mandatory in order to really move forward.

Congrats for achieving that in your journey and welcome to the forum

Moving forward physically doesnt mean you have moved forward mentally D-one . Think about people who have been abused as kids how some of them remain frozen in that space in time even aftern they've grown up and accomplished things in their lives.

I sincerely doubt anyone comes from a perfect family. At what age do you stop blaming your parents for being human and imperfect..

yes I think forgiveness is necessary to be able to move on


the scars are still there that is true

but ya know..think that if we let it
it can teach us to be compassionate, kinder, more caring human beings

think that is something that does come with age

sometimes trying to put yourself in someone's else's shoes

trying to see it from their perspective..well it may help you understand it

not condone it, or even trivialize it but maybe come to peace with it

we were never promised a perfect life..sometimes it's during those times
of hardship, hurt..times of trouble
we learn how strong we really are

Personally....just means about me and my experience...and really you are giving credit to our mental ability...thats a shocker....when I move forward, it means I do not carry any bitterness etc....hence the ability to move forward. I understand where you are coming from but, seriously I cannot solve the world's problems......I think, by today's standard, I was abused as a kid...but I have grown up and lived my life as a productive member of society....and it was an uphill battle....I could have easily cried wolf and waited for any kind of "special " treatment.....just saying...

Knowledge +Experience = Wisdom.

Class follow the above formula and you can't go wrong. Bitterness comes from some unresolved emotional issue. A difficult relationship can cause bitterness. Time heals all.

What doesnt kill us, makes us stronger and possibly more empathetic :)

I shouldnt have used the word "you" in my last statement . I was referring to people in general. I dont doubt for a minute that you have moved forward :)

Time and conscious channeling.

Hi Rob

I don't know. I sort of agree with some posts, and sort of don't with others.

I see everyone so far, seems to be assuming that "bitterness" is a well defined, specific thing. Part of why I'm not exactly on anyone else's page, is because I've found that it's a few different things, depending on the circumstances.

For one thing, a lot of the time, I've seen people using a form of what others call "bitterness," as a coping tool. They are hurting, and still feel raw and vulnerable, often embarrassed, and so as a self-defense reaction, they adopt a bitter outlook for a while.

One general thing to think about: are people who seem to take everything in stride, and remain on an even keel, really wonderfully balanced in their outlook on life?

Or are they really just so callous and uninvolved with the people who they interact with, that nothing ever really registers on their heart?

It's not always an easy thing to decide.

two sides of the extreme

most people

have felt pain or suffered some kind of loss

yes..shutting down, lashing out, being full of angry and hostility
may be a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with pain when it is fresh

but at what point does it then become a life choice
your modus operandi ?



yes there are some callous,emotionally distant , people who can float thru life without feeling much of anything

Hi little Peggy!

Part of what I'm talking about, is that I don't think it's JUST a matter of fighting off "bitterness."

Most of life is made up of transitions and learning experiences. If people get caught up in thinking that one element is entirely bad, or entirely good, they can mess themselves up by trying too hard to be perfect.

It's a bit like diets. There are things that are very good for us, but if we eat nothing but those things, we can starve to death for lack of other things, which are actually only bad in large doses, or when repeated over a long time.

Some people do need to be jolted or coaxed out of the bitter stage. But timing can be very important, in figuring out if that is the case with a given person.

I'm just saying that there's no more logic in blindly attacking all occurrences of bitterness, than in supporting them.

I think one's evolving attitude toward their own bitterness is a more important focus than the time they take to evolve.

At some point, we all have to at least acknowledge the bitterness inside us , which some of us are not even aware of , or which some of us will resist admitting because confessing bitterness is almost like confessing that you have a dreaded disease.

But for those who reach the critical point of acknowledgment, maybe the next critical stage is not making excuses for it .

The people who do not acknowledge their bitterness or who convince themselves that holding on to bitterness is a necessary evil , or who continue to assign blame to the target and source of their bitterness , are not at the best trajectory point for healing.

And although its painful , I think we all have to come to the place of realisation that at the root of all the bitter feelings, are the more vulberable feelings of colossal grief, disappointment ,and confusion.

I cant say how one reaches that stage of owning /embracing one's vulnerability ,but I suspect that one has to eventually get there before taking on the reconstructive work towards their " new normal"

Maybe the approach may resemble dealing with a death. Im not sure.

But I dont think for a minute that dealing with bitterness is a linear process . There will be progressive and regressive steps along the way but positively changing one's attitude toward's one's bitterness has to be a conscious goal that one eventually decides to work toward.

I've been thinking about this some more, and I have another angle.

Here's some things to think about. Sort of like the "you might be a redneck" jokes, only more serious.

If you find you are making GENERAL declarations about how other people (especially the opposite sex) are defective, you might be "bitter" in a way that goes beyond healthy, temporary self-defense.

If you find that you are seeking out things to complain about relative strangers for, because it's not enough for you to just ignore them, you probably need to address some unhealthy bitterness.

If you find that you are working hard to create things to do in your life, projects or whatever, and you don't enjoy them, you just need to "prove" yourself...you might have some stuff to deal with.

When it comes to how to deal with things like bitterness, I've found that the same thing that works to deal with almost any mystery, works for that, too. Because things like "bitterness," are, in a way, mysteries we create within ourselves, in order to hide our psychic bandages and crutches from ourselves.

What you do is, you break everything down, and examine each detail of what you feel, what you think, and why. When you do that, you can figure out which elements are in your head for the sake of revenge, which are there because you don't trust your own judgment, and which are there because you are still angry about what made you bitter. You can decide what to discard, what to rethink, and what to make more concrete plans about. That will change the bitterness from a festering emotional open sore, to a realistic life-improvement project.

You let it go. Never think about them...Breath in the good...exhale the bad. Eventually you will learn how to dismiss those thoughts immediately upon enering your mind. Just gotta move forward