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| Topic: Boring Posts tonight, hit me with a joke. | |
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Ok, show me what you got!
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What's green n smells of bacon?
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Guy is wandering the desert. He finds an old lamp. "Hey, maybe there's a genie in here!"
He rubs the lamp. A girl genie comes out. What is thy bidding, my master? Wow, I've always wanted a genie! Do I get 3 wishes? The genie shook her head. "Just one" Now hurry up I want to go back home! Well he thought for a while. Ok, I've got it. I want my thing to hit the ground! The genie eyed him. "Are you sure? I could give you riches, women, property, gold? The guy smiled and shook his head. You see, I've always been lacking in that department. Well that's my wish, and I order you to deliver! The genie looked at the man once more. You want your male organ to long enough to touch the ground? The guy claps his hands fast and says Yes yes yes! So do you blink and make it happen? No, she said. It goes a little some thing like this... She grabs her sword and slices his legs off. |
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Dayum! Moe and Rob will make serious bank with that abs program!
JUST KIDDIN! Fellers!  In case ya wanna know....Rob on the left, ol Moe on the right 
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hahahahahahahahahahaha |
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What's green n smells of bacon? Lol she said it was Kermit's fingers |
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A traveling salesman arrives in a small town and heads to
the nearest bar. He bellies up and orders a beer, and sees a jar full of money on the counter. "That's a small contest we have going here," says the bartender, for $5 you can try and make that sad old horse tethered out front into something happier. He is depressing us all in town." The salesman looks out at the pathetic horse.."Mind if I have a go?" he asks the barkeep.."$5 says you're in" he replies. The salesman puts his money in the jar and walks outside to the horse, who hardly notices he is so down. He leans in and whispers something in the horse's ear. Suddenly the horse erupts in delight, pawing the ground, snorting, laughing it seems. The salesman goes back in the bar for his $$ amid stunned onlookers. The bartender gladly hands it over and the salesman leaves town. A few months later, the salesman is back in the same town and heads to the bar, most interested to see how the horse is doing. The bar now has the jar refilled with $$! He asks the 'tender what the deal was as he just passed the horse on the way in and it appeared so happy, prancing about, throwing his head back and pawing the air. "Well, he said, "ever since you made that horse happy he is driving us all nuts, he never stops snorting and bumping anyone who walks by..so now the contest is to try and get that old horse back to his former self, the glum was easier to take." The salesman tosses in his $5 and walks out to the horse, who now is more excited than ever, seeing the salesman. The bar patrons had all followed him out to the horse, so he said to the bartender, "Mind if I take him out back for a second?" "Sure, sure, whatever works.." The salesman unties the happy horse and leads him behind the building..they are back in a minute..only now, the horse is dragging it's hooves, head lowered, shoulders sagging, the picture of misery. He collected his money again and prepared to leave. "Wait, says the bartender, "I have to know..how did you make that horse so happy to begin with?" "When you wanted him happy, I whispered in his ear, that I was hung better than he was. The horse thought that was hysterically funny and it cheered him up." "When you wanted the old miserable horse back, I took him out back and showed him." |
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Dayum! Moe and Rob will make serious bank with that abs program! JUST KIDDIN! Fellers! In case ya wanna know....Rob on the left, ol Moe on the right I am prettiest! |
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A traveling salesman arrives in a small town and heads to the nearest bar. He bellies up and orders a beer, and sees a jar full of money on the counter. "That's a small contest we have going here," says the bartender, for $5 you can try and make that sad old horse tethered out front into something happier. He is depressing us all in town." The salesman looks out at the pathetic horse.."Mind if I have a go?" he asks the barkeep.."$5 says you're in" he replies. The salesman puts his money in the jar and walks outside to the horse, who hardly notices he is so down. He leans in and whispers something in the horse's ear. Suddenly the horse erupts in delight, pawing the ground, snorting, laughing it seems. The salesman goes back in the bar for his $$ amid stunned onlookers. The bartender gladly hands it over and the salesman leaves town. A few months later, the salesman is back in the same town and heads to the bar, most interested to see how the horse is doing. The bar now has the jar refilled with $$! He asks the 'tender what the deal was as he just passed the horse on the way in and it appeared so happy, prancing about, throwing his head back and pawing the air. "Well, he said, "ever since you made that horse happy he is driving us all nuts, he never stops snorting and bumping anyone who walks by..so now the contest is to try and get that old horse back to his former self, the glum was easier to take." The salesman tosses in his $5 and walks out to the horse, who now is more excited than ever, seeing the salesman. The bar patrons had all followed him out to the horse, so he said to the bartender, "Mind if I take him out back for a second?" "Sure, sure, whatever works.." The salesman unties the happy horse and leads him behind the building..they are back in a minute..only now, the horse is dragging it's hooves, head lowered, shoulders sagging, the picture of misery. He collected his money again and prepared to leave. "Wait, says the bartender, "I have to know..how did you make that horse so happy to begin with?" "When you wanted him happy, I whispered in his ear, that I was hung better than he was. The horse thought that was hysterically funny and it cheered him up." "When you wanted the old miserable horse back, I took him out back and showed him."   
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Dayum! Moe and Rob will make serious bank with that abs program! JUST KIDDIN! Fellers! In case ya wanna know....Rob on the left, ol Moe on the right I am prettiest! ummm.... keep telling yourself that... |
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Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to listen.
MAN: “Hello!” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$90,000.” MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.” WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.” MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!” MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turned and asked, “Anyone know whose phone this is?” |
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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.” “Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer. “Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?” “Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’ “Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?” “Not everybody pays.” |
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Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to listen. MAN: “Hello!” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$90,000.” MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.” WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.” MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!” MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turned and asked, “Anyone know whose phone this is?” Hahaha i thought the man was just generous lol |
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Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to listen. MAN: “Hello!” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$90,000.” MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.” WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.” MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!” MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turned and asked, “Anyone know whose phone this is?” OMG LOL
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   Are you for Trump or Hillary ? |
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Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to listen. MAN: “Hello!” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$90,000.” MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.” WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.” MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!” MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turned and asked, “Anyone know whose phone this is?” Hahaha i thought the man was just generous lol he's a generous man... she's worth it... |
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A traveling salesman was driving through the countryside
when he spied a large farm, farmer in the field, and a rather large pig with a wooden leg hanging about in the farmhouse yard. He had to know more so he pulled over to the farmer, parked the car, got out and waved to the farmer. The farmer, a friendly sort, stopped his tractor, climbed down and came over to the city guy. "Hi there, I was passing through and I could not help noticing that pig you have..it has a wooden leg?" The farmer wiped his brow, "Oh yes, that pig is part of our family. Once, years ago, there was a fire in the farmhouse upstairs and we could not get the grandbabies out..that pig rushed past us, ran up the stairs, grabbed a grandbaby in its mouth and brought her downstairs, then went back for the other child." "Another time, I was coming back from town and took a corner too fast and flipped my truck right on top of me.. no way out..I was a goner..I looked across the fields to the farmhouse and saw that pig come a running to help me..he nosed under the hood just enough so I could roll out.." He paused to wipe a tear from his eye. "So, uh, how did he get that wooden leg?" inquired the salesman, totally fascinated. "Well son, if you are ever lucky enough to get you a pig like that..you don't eat it all at once." |
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Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to listen. MAN: “Hello!” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$90,000.” MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.” WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.” MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!” MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turned and asked, “Anyone know whose phone this is?” Hahaha i thought the man was just generous lol he's a generous man... she's worth it...  
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