I am a dedicated mom of 4 girls. been married for 14 years now. i have spent my life loving and being faithful to my husband. he tells me a month ago he has to learn how to fall in love with me again. he has had multiple affairs. he has girls he talks to who he has sent pics too. he wants me to be in the same room one day as them. I am lost. looking for something im scared he cant give me. i want to be number 1 in a mans life who loves me and wants every part of me. my husband has put stipulations on our marriage. all of this starting a few years after we got married. am i stupid? do i work it out? im lonely and heartbroken and lost

I am sorry to say it but I think you are married to a real jerk...Might be best to move on... Good luck and best wishes

so because he is chatting and cheating with women online
you decided what is good for the goose is good for the gander


how would this possibly make your marriage better

I suggest couples counseling
and if he refuses

I suggest that you go

going by what you have said here, there is no marriage, he does what he wants.
honestly, you're better off out of the marriage to let him live his life the way he chooses.
Good luck, i hope it works out for the best

No one can tell you what to do, only you can decide.

After the first affair I would have kicked his sorry but to the curb and walk away.

If he loved you why is he looking at other women?
Is this the kind of life you want for you and your children?
What kind of role models do you want for them?
How do you know he is not having unprotective sex? He could catch something deadly and pass it on to you.

You need to decide what is best for you and the children.

Sorry for being blunt but sometimes we need it .

I'm not an expert but man I know I would not put up with this crap.

there is only one reason really to visit a dating site

when you are married



now this forum may be the exception to that for there are many on here that have been friends for years




but ...the real reason many married people come onto dating sites

is to get sympathy and the " oh you poor thing" validation that they feel they deserve and are not getting at home


or to get a crying shoulder and someone who will listen to all their problems
and nurse their wounded pride or bruised ego

someone to tell them how wonderful they are and how they deserve so much better


and perhaps someone that makes them feel attractive and alive again
by flirting with them and complimenting them

some even go beyond that at begin texting and calling each other for that secret thrill


and some eventually meet up

When we get married,
It is with the hope of finding that ever elusive Sunshine Happiness.

Even in our worst nightmares can we envisage or foresee then end of the relationship!

Starting again after a long term relationship of more than 10 years is a difficult step to take, sometimes it is the only step - like in abusive relationships - And sometimes the wake up call can bring home to a person everything that they risk to lose!

The other members have more or less voiced what I would say or think to myself if I were in your shoes.

T Mommy and Annieroo kind of encapsulate the core of the issue with their replies.

I agree with everything they say.


Good Luck Shorty

Kick the two-timing SoAndSo to the Curb!
No one deserves a Hassle like this in one's Life!

don't quite agree with the ladies so a longer explanation
2 case studies from long ago
(one in Rich, Va & 2nd in Bangalore)

Case 1: was an unhappily married woman hooking up a married colleague
guy had the prettiest and sensible wife
the guy quit later; for a career & a future

slightly
now i had some interest in this lady who was married w/ no kids
but by the time she came around to me; 2 years later
she had already worked through all eligible colleagues
and by the time she came around to me
the big boss (owner) was informed by her ex-lover
and nipped it before it started (story of my life)

Case 2: was in India,
guy looked like a star (married with 2 young girls)
and i saw young working women throw themselves at him

in fact, being a pal he took me with him to one of the offices
to intro e to someone
and all the girls clustered around him
me, an eligible bachelor - sitting alone, trying not to watch

this guy's wife - fair looking (trusted me like a brother)
knew all about it. yet she adored him (and what a good cook).

He was a good friend of mine but his career
always a good start; went to rocks
it was a mystery how they survived as a family w/ 2 kids
then the house wife started working; did well after initial
adjustments; in fact for some mysterious reasons she started
to look even better than those other girls
may be it was classiness emerging or something.
---- ---
met their daughters recently (all grown up & great in every way)
--xx--

it appears you are married to a rock star and so..

Now when he says he has to learn 'how to fall in love again'
It could mean anything: a late realization of what a strong home
you have built for him; or something else.
i presume the former.

checked your profile, doesn't say much but it reminded me of case 2.

now for case 3: are you sure he's having an affair
or is it some mild flirt? some men are dumb / gallant types.
women become insecure & men don't realize it till late

as a member said: it's your life
but the difficult part is detaching and looking at oneself
starting up some creative shanges
and Lo, a rainbow...
just sharing.

Tell him that it's his own doing, if he wants to get off with different women, and maybe say to him, that if he can't commit to you, you're better off without him. He'll probably use that all too familiar line "You will never find another man who will treat you as good as I did". Simply reply with "Of course I won't, because I'll find a man who will treat me BETTER than you have". Surprised he hasn't caught an STD by now.

Don't waste another minute on the bum.
Dedicate yourself to your girls..give them all your love and it will bring you happiness you can't find from a jerk who only cares about himself.