Exactly Soufie!

It really seems like people do not see in their mirror what the general public sees as you and Charles alluded.

The thing is that looks are so subjective.

There is nothing wrong in seeing one's self as stunning. Many of us in fact , when we look in the mirror, we actually see the person that we were 20 years ago , because on the inside, that is how we FEEL.

But in reality, we look way less breathtaking to others than we imagine ourselves to be

I offer my thoughts in the form of two poems of mine that seem applicable to the topic.

Altar of Ego

Persona Falsum

Unfortunately we now live in a shallow society that puts so much emphasis on looks and body etc, that most people don't tend to see what's inside a person anymore.

people are fussy in today's material, celebrity, enhanced world and therefore that is what people judge others on now

Totally agreed :)

And self confidence and self actualisation do not have to translate into harshly criticizing other people.

As I said to Nobootyhunter, people have a right to their preferences irregardless of what they look like .

They even have the right to set the HIGHEST bars for OTHERS in terms of looks they demand.

But if the people who are less-than-stellar- to behold ,feel entitled to publicly scorn the features of others that do not meet their high standards, then those criticizers should not have a problem with me feeling entitled to publicly point out their shortcomings and their colossal nerve.

Mmmmmmm,
I tend to get most things at the corner Pakistani shop


I like way they greet me,
And usually have nearly everything,

Next time I'm in there I will look out for nerve

Awwwwwwww...Thank you David.

It's sweet of you to rush to my defense like that

But the ex I was referring to wasn't stupid for not seeing my body as his ideal. He was just being honest about his physical preferences and his perception of my physical being. Although that knowledge bruised my ego a bit , I understand the harsh reality that my body, face or even personality will not appeal to all people in my country or the world. It's nothing personal. It's all a matter of preference, chemistry and compatability.

What I think is more important is how we make others FEEL regardless of perceptions of our looks or other's looks.

Although my ex wasn't impressed with my body, he was impressed with me as a package and he made EVERY PART OF me feel loved including my body.

That's what mattered most to me in the end.

I am a huge fan of your poetry techno. I will read it tonight for sure.

I will defend to the death anyone's right to pick what they want in a mate. Some like a little of every creed and kind with every shape that can BE imagined. Good thing; be bad if everyone wanted the same thing. Or that it is bad or deluded to want what you want.

But; what I will not defend, is people being so hateful in trying to fend off people who do not meet their criteria. Just BE COMPLIMENTED if someone likes you and move on. No response is a response. More often than not there is no call for using shaming words and name calling when a few direct questions can usually help you find your match. Or taunting someone just for sport. If anything it just points out the people to avoid.

There is always a way to say "I am sure you have qualities that will make someone very happy but I am looking for someone different than what I see in you."

Sometimes what you want is not readily obvious or why and I don't think people have to give detailed explanations. "No" or "No thanks" are not a mean word it is just a short cut to know you are not going to be happy if you pick someone who will not want you.

It is pretty tired for someone to totally ignore your stated boundaries in your profile but I get some people just think they are guidelines or hope you are going to cave if other things are extraordinary. Kind of silly to me if I take the time to spare someone spinning their wheels for nothing.

Now if they want to argue the matter and make you the receiver for all the other rejections they have ever gotten in life you never had anything to do with; then my patience may wear a little thin and tell them why I find them "unsuitable" in more "direct" terms.

What I also find ridiculous are the people who ask for an opinion about their profile, or some other premise, and they get huffy if they are given advice they really did not want because it does not fit their already declared notions. If you just want to hear welcome and be seen then post in the new members or forums. Don't ask to be "rated" if you do not want the answer from the person replying. Nobody says you have to apply the opinion if you think it is inaccurate.

Well Im never gonna deceive anybody by saying that looks don't matter. And certainly the way we present ourselves to the world will often inspire or discourage a person from exploring what we have to offer from the inside.

But the balance is that no matter how inviting the package is, the quality of the contents inside is what matters the most :)

Exactly PacificStar !

Thats all I'm saying..

I don't think it's bad to want to be physically attracted to your mate...I am kinda picky cause I am in pretty good shape and would like my mate to be comparable...I give most guys regardless of how they look a chance...and have tried to not let his looks be a deciding factor...but in the long run I do hope my eyes are just as satisfied as my person...

I couldn't agree more my friend.

Everyone desires to be physically attracted to their mate and strive towards that ideal. Looks do matter irregardless of what anyone says.

We are also within our right to set the bar for other's attractiveness as high as we want, but the balance in my opinion, is in understanding that our looks may be judged with the same harshness that we dispense, and that life is not so great on the receiving end of that judgement.

I commend you for not letting your high physical ideals impede you from trying something maybe a little different. None of us are obligated to do this but it can sometimes bring some surprising rewards.

I am so glad that the ex I described earlier looked passed his physical preference and gave me a shot. We remain amazing friends today, and as it turns out, he has given me the highest quality of love to date.

Karma is a biotch isn't she? Sometimes the harshness we dispense to others is the same harshness we are imputed. It's never appetizing on the receiving end

interesting point you make op ... I sometimes felt oh my gosh he is really old and I am this old... an that this is what a Mr right for me would have to look like ... I thought about this a lot ... now I know I am not as young and pretty as I use to be ... but even when I was...
I thought of the person more ... not so much their looks ... becouse honestly not to brag but I have been with some real nice looking guys ... some where cool and some where not ... but found was a must is
personality that meant the most... I am now as large as I was as a young kid ... but lost most of my weight back then ... and those that did not like me when i was large back then of course loved how I looked and wanted to date after the loosing of the weight ... so have been on both sides of the coin ... people are going to like me for who I am or not ... how I feel now ... looks are all superficial... becouse anyone can looses their good looks at anytime ... then what would u do... stay or go ...

I just read them

A lyrical commentary on the 'souless ego" and misguided perceptions of others and ourselves that we uphold.

Very thought provoking Techno

In a society that judges weight gain so harshly, by you having a BBW identity vs an average size identity and a heavy contrast in the way your circle responded to both incarnations of you, I would imagine that it almost felt like living two different lives in one lifetime, which is quite an adventure.

It's great that you learned that no matter what side of the spectrum that you stood on , that looks although very significant are secondary to character

Our sense of self and our sense of others is often disproportionate.

Thanks for considering my thoughts Pegs.

Always a pleasure John.

Mirror mirror on the wall..
Who's the fairest of them all..
..yup..need I say more?..wink