Based on what your saying she is stuck in compensation. Trying to alleviate her low with activities (shopping,sex...) She never got to the root of the problem and likely doesn't even know what the problem is. Only recognizes the systems when they occur. (take with a grain of salt, I'm only speculating off of what I read)

Please remember to speak to your kids frequently, they are experiencing something entirely different from what you are. Maybe some 'just us' activities (fishing, game night, camping) have fun and encourage conversation :)

That is NOT what this quote is saying joethebricky. Consider re-reading it if you are so inclined to get the meaning of it. . The quote is basically reproaching people for IGNORANTLY setting up conditions that could gradually lead to affairs . If I were to use your analogy with the chocolate shop and its relation to obesity, the quote is saying that if you are committed to losing weight, why are you REGULARLY putting yourself in temptation's way? Why do you go to the grocery every week and BUY chocolates? Why do you pack sweets in your bag everyday ? Why are you choosing to take the route with all the candy stores to get home everyday if there is another route you can utilise with less of those temptations? If anyone asked the obese person if they were committed to losing weight, the answer would be yes, but that answer and intention is not lining up with their actions. That's what the quote is saying about unfaithfulness. When perpetrators of infidelity are asked if they had PLANNED the affair they committed, most of them will tell you no, but when you trace the origin of the affair, most of them will say it started off with the increased frequency of one or more of the unwise behaviours listed above and snowballed into something bigger.The quote is NOT making excuses for unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness is and will always be wrong and destructive to families

That being said, the quote is also suggesting that the act of infidelity does not always mean that that the perpetrator didnt love their mate. Some of the perpetrators have actually been very consistent and strong in terms of other expressions of commitment and nurturing to their mates, but clearly their love is VERY FLAWED .Even couples who are not guilty of infidelity and who typically express their love in clear and endearing ways to each other, sometimes go through seasons of regrettable offenses. These include spitefully withholding sex from each other, saying hurtful things to wound the other person that apologies cant compensate for, frequently being slack with scheduling quality time for the other person , refusing to talk to the person for days when angry. Those offenses are grievous too and most of us have been guilty of one or more of these behaviours REPEATEDLY in our relationships.Doesn't this illustrate that our love is FLAWED? But does that mean that we were guilty of not loving our mates?

I don't need to re-read it peggy122, there will always be temptation, is a man supposed to stay away from every woman he may come across and vice versa.
In my opinion there is no excuse for it.
It sounds like you are trying to say it's ok sometimes, it might be for you, not in my book it isn't.

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Both of us agree that infidelity is wrong. All I did was to add a list of other grievous offenses that most couples are guilty of, which are also wrong. No offense is ever right in my book, and nothing in that quote even implies such, but if that is what you got from it, then I respect your interpretation. Your comments are always intelligent and appreciated, and this one is no different. Cheers!

Ya'll realize we are nothing but animals, who are not meant to be monogamous. What other animal stays with on partner? I have been cheated on which is why I will not do a monogamous marriage. My wife and I couldn't be happier with were we are.

My 2 cents.

Wolves, owls, eagles, swans, a few that I know of, there's probably more

Many people have heartaches in their life but it does not justify inflicting heart ache on another, often more than one other if children are involved because you are not just cheating on the marriage but betraying the family, which cheating does.

I am going to call BS on using being abandoned by a mother as a reason to cheat. That does nothing to the perpetrator since obviously you did not choose to abandon the spouse; she is abandoning you. If she wanted to hurt someone it should be the person who left her not the person who picked here and loved her. What she is really saying is I was hurt and I get to get away with hurting anyone else I want to as long as they tolerate it. People who have that mind set will continue to cheat as many times as they have opportunity; while they will rarely own up to how often it is the reality is it is quite frequent you just happen to catch them once or twice.

And only because they wanted you to catch them more often than not. It is not the cheating itself that is fun or exciting it is the pleasure they get in inflicting pain on others.

Every time a person cheats there is a conscious moment when they know what they are doing is crossing the line and betraying their partner by the ACTION they take. It is not and accident. It doesn't "just happen" it is a choice. They decide they are the center of the universe and their feelings their needs for instant gratification at the moment are more important than any one else's; their partner, their kids, even the person they are cheating with because on almost absolute is they are only the flavor of the moment and once they have been acquired they become useless too. ((% of the time they don't even want the one they cheat with.

When you find yourself with that kind of person you just have to cut your losses and let it be their problem.

You can't build someone else's self esteem if they want to see themselves as worthless. But you can assess your own value as too good for that kind of abuse. Why I make it VERY CLEAR to anyone I date/get in a relationship with is it better be worth it to you because there are no second chances with me. Once and you are done. You cheat you cease to exist. You have made your choice. Live with it die with I really don't care. My life is too precious to me to waste it on anyone who does not treasure me the way I treasure them.

Do know what Doug, things are better now than before the affair broke and she was asked to leave.

Before she spent everything on herself now she wants to put in for the kids.

The guilt has hit home now and new guy is helping the situation as he is in love with her and wants it all to work out cool.

It's a happy ending I suppose.