Last nite I was told that a female friend is in an abusive relationship,
both emotionally and physically...whats the best way to talk to her
about getting away from this guy...?

Goodmorning Ontario, You should talk to her and be straight fwd about
the issue, but be careful the way u say it to her. Maybe she needs
someonoe to help her see that creep is no good. Just be her friend.

You probably can not talk her out of it Ontario. She will have to want
to get out of it herself. I have not been able to "talk" one out of it
yet. Does she like the abuse? She may not say she does, but her actions
tell it all.

I doubt if any women enjoy abuse...she,s like a sister to me I just want
to help.

Hey Ontario, that could be a tough call to make kinda like your damn if
you don't and damn if you do. I would say use your knowledge you have in
the type of work you do and others that have experience in the same
field what is the best way to approach a situation like that. For you
want to let her know you are there to help but at the same time you
don't want to scare her off. At times ones that are in that postiion
there self estem is so low that they will not admit it is happening to
them. Good luck.

You can't talk her out of that relationship, you can only assure her
that you are there for her when she needs you. When she's venting about
him, let her, without alot of negative imput from you, I find this only
makes the woman want to prove to herself that she can change the
situation. I don't even think they are aware that thats infact what
they are doing and so they find themselves in that horrible place in
their lives for a very long time. I'm not suggesting not saying
anything, I'm simply saying allow her to bash him while shes venting and
like I said, be there when she needs you and hope that she gets over it
quickly, but the decision is hers and you'll find that you cant change
that fact.

Hey Ontario, That is a tough call. Some people even if you tell them
what they need to do. They will not hear you until they see it
themselves. What ever you do, try not to push to hard. But at the same
time let them know that no matter what happens that you will always be
there for them. And that the only thing you can do is just suggest to
them what to do. But it is up to them whether they going to leave or
not. Try showing the facts of the situation if you know what is going
on. But be gentle in how you talk with them. Like someone said you don't
want to scare them off.

Your going to have a very hard time talking with her about this because
of whats happened and once you do talk with her it may still take her a
while to leave this man because of all the abuse.Dont feel your doing
anything wrong if she doesnt leave him or talk about him.Be There Donr
That 1!!!

The cycle of violence is a complicated issue.. The best thing to do is
give her an open ended out.. IE: she can stay with you until she gets
her feet on the ground or whatever plan you can come up with (womens
shelter etc) then she has no barriers to leaving when she chooses to.

Well...she made the classic mistake of thinking she could change
a Professional Lowlife into a respectible man...let this be a lesson to
some of you...I like the bad boy type...!

Hey Ontario, have you talked to her yet?

Briefly...but she did not tell me about this someone else did...
she went missing for several days this week...finally turning up
like nothing happen, then she told someone of this and and now we all
know...I suppose she,s embarrassed to discuss it, but its for her own
good.

just beacuse we like the bad boy type doesnt mean they will be a beater
of ladies

No...I mean...the element of a Lowlife..I hope you know the
difference...although, me and the rest of her friends have not
really met the guy...clearly he,s a bum.

I realized that she had not told you but did not know after you talked
to her if she mentioned it or you did and if she was still with him. Yes
it would be hard to tell others what happen just knowing that we would
let ourselves even get into that postion is bad enough but sure it
happens so quick that they don't know what to do. But hope all is well.

No, she went missing on tuesday...halloween, she was,nt at the party
after making plans to be there and told nobody where she was. I telled
to her thursday nite briefly and friday nite is when I was told that she
and the guy got into something and she left...and there it has been
hppening for a while.

Soo sad I do hope she gets out before its too late.
I can say that I'm one of the lucky ones have never
in my life been hit by any man. But none of the ladies
that I know of have either or at least has never told.
I do feel for them, But.. can't say I know what they
are going through since I have never been in there shoes.

Ontario
hello yes I know the diffs and now I understand what you meant
better.Good luck with your friend I just know when I was going threw
that no one could get threw me because I was sooooo screwed up because
of him that I THOUGHT that nobody was right and I COULD SOON CHANGE HIM
but of course I was totaly wrong it took him about killing me if someone
hadnt of helped me and him going off to jail before I woke up and ran
from it all (left the abuse)
My older sister is going threw the same right now but she just want
leave this dude,thinks he shall change but he only changes for a few
weeks and then bad to the abuse I stay away before I put him to
rest.Your friend really needs your help right now even if she disagree's
have a talk with the dude first and if that doesnt work then ask her
over and fix dinner whatever just make her at ease and ask her if you
can get personal with her about her boyfriend.

Ont. firstly, im sorry your friend is in this type of situation.
there's so many emotions goin thru your friend, let alone you over this,
it's difficult to know where to start.

you won't be able to talk her out of this relationship. more than
likely, she's made enough excuses for him that she's starting to believe
them herself.

the only thing that will allow her to see this, im afraid is time. time
for her to be able to step outside of this relationship, see the
pattern, and then DO something about it.

i hope this occurs before something serious happens. until then, the
only thing you can do, is listen to her, have the biggest shoulders
around, and hold her hand when she cries


good luck to you Ont, and to her

Well...she has options, she could stay at my house...or any of the
others, she has money to get another place of her own...I,m just hearing
about this and must talk to her about it.