From the Language of Letting Go

Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of.
We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates.

When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play - an attempt to control or force others to do something they don't want to do. When the way we're reacting isn't helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we're reacting is hurting us.

Often, it's time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.

The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don't help. The next step is getting peaceful -getting centered and restoring our balance.

Take a walk. Leave the room. Take a long hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution.

Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.

Smart Lady, hope the outcome doesn't hurt.
Be Safe

Morning Winx,

It is so hard to detach and stay engaged with what is going on around me. I tend to colour everything with how I am feeling and attach it to other situations.

My aunt told me detachment can be healthy, if I acknowledge the problem, accept that I am powerlessness over it, and I must consciously choose to no longer invest needless emotional energy into trying to fix it.

She gave me a check list:
-If someone sets up a situation that becomes a problem,choose not to react to a crisis that is put in motion. It is there problem, from their actions, and you do not have to carry it.
-Choose not to do for others what they can, and need to, do for themselves
-Choose not to allow yourself to be abused because someone else has a problem and fails to accept responsibility for it. They just want to include you so they can cover up the mistakes and misdeeds that they have done.
-Choose not to stop a crisis from occurring to someone, if this crisis is part of a natural course of events, resulting from their actions.

If you are like me and haven't been able to follow the above and have gotten hurt (the last one especially.I am a fixer):), you have the hardest choice! You must detach on purepose and walk away from them until they have fixed themselves. If the choice involves loving them, but no longer carrying their actions on my shoulders... well it is hard, but I am finally learning to let it slide off my shoulders.

I grineed at your statement, 'take a walk, etc'. Yup. I do them very very often! Thanks for the blog. It reminded me to accept what I can't change.

Extemely wise words...I refuse to engage...I can see through things like that and all it does is push me further away...Either be straight up and honest with me or don't bother saying anything!!!!!!!!

Pollyanna,

I like what your Aunt said. That is good advice.

Thanks, Native Grl. Yes, it does push us away.

Very well said, wise words to go by.......

Problem is....sometimes I'm not good at remembering to listen to what I've learnt or the advice that I know backwards and forward. I also need to learn to edit typos:).

Pollyanna,
OMG you sound just like me I give great advise to others and I do not listen to myself.I just detached myself from someone that I had been with a year.Bad relashioship co-dependent the person was a addict and didn't want help,but me being me I wanted to help.We can't ,we must let go even if it is all to painful.

winx...fab advice!!! hard to follow but so worth it!

cool stuff live by our choices

You know what is so cool? By the time the emotion subsides and we actually distance to think... we know exactly what to do, how to do, but especially, 'what we should have done!'. Hey Winx:) I'm a slow learn but the coulee banks makes an fantastic thinking chair:)
Outandproud so sorry that the learning curve was rough. Sucks to have a fixer personality, but ... it is also a wonderful way for be to be. It means you still care about the world:)