SOOOOOO, Goofydame, is it a happy ending... or happy ending pending to-be-continued... you are serious, I gather, no banter...

I wonder why do you call yourself Goofy, you're smarter than of most of the women I know.

You can't "filter' your interaction with people in real life, so I don't here either

Filters are good for cigarettes and air conditioners, motor oil etc..Not for people. I think anyone who takes the time to write, at least deserves to be heard. for those that use them, well thats your prerogative, but you may miss out on some great friendships along the way.

I quote Lex. : "To be honest, I have to admit that the few rules I DO have are enough to exclude probably 90% of the pool right off the bat. Maybe more. I mean, I am not aware of anyone on this site who fits! This was a conscious decision though, after dozens of bad relationships. I would rather be alone than waste a lot of time on someone who will be just another "wrong one" in a very long list...."

I agree, but still doesn't take the sting out of the lonelies....

CF -- That is unquestionably true -- but for me, it eventually worked out to a choice between being in relationships that are boring, uncomfortable, and have no future, vs. being single and unencumbered, just in case someone good turns up....

You know, when I was younger, I never really thought about any of this stuff. It was just jump from one to the next, the old revolving door. Fun, to an extent, but shallow. There was a time for that, and I lived it, and parts of it I wish I hadn't. Once I had been with someone I really loved, though, I think I lost my ability to do frivolous and flighty anymore.

And -- in the end, for me anyway, there are few things worse than being in a relationship you can't stand anymore, and spending days or weeks trying to figure which way out will be the LEAST destructive for all concerned....why even get into that situation if you don't have to....?

For all I know, somebody really great might sign up here tomorrow....

Whether we would like it or not, we are an agent amongst many other sites that shape our future culture... I more than agree with Marcepheus, if we are forming a filter culture, we are doomed to get ever more lonely...

Well, loneliness is a symptom of a social pathology... it is a vicious circle, the lonelier we get, the tougher filters we set just to make us even more lonely... and so forth...

There is the issue of two scenarios -- be alone, or be miserable with someone you've settled for, just to be with someone?

This is easy for me: I like myself, I have lots of things to do, to work on, to keep myself occupied. The occasional bouts of loneliness are more manageable for me than a perpetual nightmare of being with someone who simply is not a good match.

I have friends who "settled." And self-deception has a limited shelf-life.

I guess I should have made myself more clear. I was agreeing with lex, and I have said several times that I would rather sleep alone than wake up to and a$$hole. I guess I should realize that there are many new here and that not eerone listens to what I have said over time....hope this clears things up. It stings to be lonely, but only for a bit, then you wait and go on with your life. And if you notice, which seems everyone turned the comment upside down, I AGREED with LEX......I gave up on finding anyone a long time ago. Doesn't mean I don't want to have a mate, just means I don't believe there is one out there for me.

Lex, may I ask you a personal question ???

Sure.

I'm trying to shed on this dismal course some light of hope... have you ever experienced fulfillng relations over a period of time, say a few months...

It appears that I'm not the only one to feel the internet fatigue... this discourse can go on and on, hopefully with some conclusion... I thank you, pals, for your contributions, some of them indeed poetically witty, profound and instructive... good night.

PBB -- Sorry if I ever gave the impression otherwise. Yeah, I met someone (from another site, actually) back in 1999 -- totally by accident, and she lived 20 minutes away from me -- who was the best girlfriend I ever had. I can't imagine a better match.

I was separated, divorce almost finalized, at the time I met her, and my ex-wife and her family could not stand to see me happy, and they did everything they had to do in order to destroy that relationship.

But the few years I had with her were absolutely the best time of my life. I think most of the doubts I have about relationships now, internet dating, etc., are founded on the idea that I'm really not sure if I will ever be able to feel like that about another person.

I have dated since then, two last year (who I met on other sites), and they were total train wrecks. I'm not sure if it was because I just jumped back in too fast, or if it was because they were two of the most dishonest, deceptive people I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. I mean, they were fine as long as it was e-mail and IM and telephone. They were completely different in person.

So -- light of hope? Sure. I think exposure is a huge thing. The reason I always tell people that they need to have a presence in the forums is because this is where people get to know you and see you, where they find out about your thoughts and concerns and interests, and such. And LOTS of people read these things, and many of them NEVER actually post, but they are still here reading.

I can't tell you how many times I've gotten an e-mail here from someone I never even heard of, but who saw something I wrote in the forums and had a question or something. People do notice, and some are not reluctant to talk to you if you say something they find intriguing.

So there is a light of hope. I think you have to give it time. I have seen people post "This site doesn't work, what's wrong with it?" after being signed up for 2 days and not posting at all except for the complaint about the site not working for them! They think we have a team of 100,000 psychics who can read their minds and send a crew of eligible matches over to their homes as soon as they sign up.

But there are LOTS of great people here. The thing that has impressed me most about JSH -- as opposed to the 9,931 other sites I have tried -- is the sense of community here, the sense that we all are here for a reason, so let's respect each other and be courteous and civil, and maybe we can even help each other out along the way. I have not seen that on any other site.

I have not met anyone from JSH as yet, and I'm not sure I ever will -- as it's constituted right now, there's a sort of a "skew" that makes it unlikely for me to meet anyone suitable here. But I would certainly be open to that possibility, if the right person signed up.

In fact, I don't believe, at this moment, that the kind of person I would like to meet, is using a dating site at all. But if they ever do, this is, I think, the site where they would be most likely to sign up and stick around long enough to see how things go.

Dear pal, Lex, I do appreciate your exhaustive and enlightening reply, and in some points you actually read my own mind, though we are so far apart. That's the ultimate power of the human common denominator, which is unfortunately so often underestimated. You are eloquent and willing to talk, and indeed you're doing great service to other people who share the same problems. In our individualistic society we tend to forget to what extent we're really so much alike. Talking, and this is no secret, helps ease the burden of that stinging loneliness we were going on about. I've had my own share of painful dating, reminiscent of the experiences, you were so kind to share with us. But I do NEVER SAY NEVER, and I never establish eternal and world-embracing principles of disillusionment based on my bad experience. I'm a great believer in hope. As you sure know, negative thinking tends to incur negative results, and this is certainly a powerful rationale why to avoid the dating disbelief frame of mind. As a message of hope I'd tell you that my two elder daughters found their sweethearts in a dating site. The eldest one is to get married soon. They both had boyfriends before, but they found their Mr Perfect only in those dating sites.

as long as it's a female,i don't care

JT, this is indeed a commendable liberal stance for such a young man... youngsters should indeed consider that over the forthcoming years they are bound to be victims of that filtering culture, and feel it more intensely with age...