I have decided that men are not suited to shopping!

When I was younger, I used to shop with my sister. My nephew and I would be traipsed around the shops in Exeter as my sister shopped for England. My sister’s shopping habits are legendary in the Precincts and Malls in Exeter’s eclectic collection of clothes shops, shoe shops and we must not forget the accessories shops.

There is a rumour that in a fit of pique, my sister took her Platinum (no limit) AMEX card, and purchased a car on it. She also had more different sorts of plastic than Tupperware.

On a shopping trip she would think nothing of meeting friends, Marlene, Sarah, or any of the other plethora of female shopping professionals to while away an eight hour day flitting from the top to the bottom of the High Street and then back again looking for bargains.

Not content with the usual Saturday rush, she would shop all week. I was surprised if the shop assistants did NOT know my sister’s name.

I, as a man, enjoy shopping. But I enjoy it on my own. Different moods bring on different forms of shopping.

If I need something, I will go into only two or three shops and find something that fits the job for what I want and then buy it. Straight in, check the size, don’t even try it on, pay for it and leave.

If I am in an ambling mood then I will slowly walk around all of the shops looking at everything from garden appliances to skimpy underwear for my girlfriend. But at the end of the day I will have bought nothing, or bought a few bits for the sake of it.

If I am in a “boys toys” mood then Currys, Dixons, PC World and my credit card take a battering.

If I need retail therapy, then look out! I will check out the clothes shops and the shoe shops in true female fashion. Try something on in shop A. Put it back. Try something else on in shop B then put it back. When we have reached the end of the High Street then it is back to shop A or B to buy the original thing I first tried on! But this is paid for with cash.

Sending men shopping with women is a torturous affair. In fact it is possibly worse than putting pins in your eyes. Women are beautiful creatures with fantastic minds and incredibly sharp wits. (Well most are!) But get them together with a man, when she is in a shopping mood is purgatory.

I would assume women have shopping moods as well. Working from a state of ignorance about women’s shopping moods, I am already onto a loser when I continue with this narrative.

But guys, I ask you, have you and your lady ever had this conversation?

Picture this. It is Saturday afternoon, you have had a hard week at work and you genuinely want to go shopping with your lady. You have not seen her all week without the kids or the confines of the house and you want to spend some quality time together.

It is even fortuitous that you are in a Retail Therapy mood! Wandering down the High Street doing your stuff, she is doing her stuff, when you chance upon a ladies clothes shop that is new. So new, that your lady has not seen it before, so all the treasures within are new and exciting!

It is 4pm and you have been shopping for three hours already and you are getting close to your attention limit for shopping. You go in. The music loud and cacophonous. Your lady is all excited. She starts trying stuff on. No problem so far then the following conversation ensues.

She: “What does this skirt look like”
He: (Genuinely likes it, but is tired) “Hmmm, it looks ok”
She: “Only OK? What is wrong with it”
He: “Nothing, it looks fine”
She: “So, you don’t like it?”
He: “I do like it”
She: “But you didn’t say so”
He: “I said I liked it, didn’t I?”
She: “No, you said it was OK”
He: ”It is OK”
She: “But only OK, nothing special”

Comment:
He is onto a loser here, but not too bad in the doggy doo. Then he makes the cardinal mistake …

He: “It is OK, I do like it, it shows off your figure nicely”
She: “What do you mean, shows off my figure? You mean, it makes my bum look fat!”
He: “I never said that! I like you in that. It would go nicely with your green top”

Comment:
Another mistake! The green top does make her look fat! Her friend, who is a size 8, says so!
I would give up now and go home!

She: “The green top? The green top is three months old and that DOES make me look fat!”
He: “It does not! That shows off your nice cleaveage” (Trying to back peddle by complimenting)
She: “It shows off all my fat stomach, you mean!”
He shuts up and she is in a bad mood.

Comment:
There are two statements from a woman that a man is scared of. No, I would say petrified of. Both of these statements are a disaster.

One will destroy his love life and the other will destroy is personal life.
His love life destroyer is “Is it in yet?” Hopefully he has never heard this or never will!
His personal life destroyer comes next in the above conversation

She: “Actually, does my bum look big in this?”

This is possibly the worst question in the world! Because, what ever you say is wrong.

If you say no, then she thinks you are lying because you want to be nice to her. Because her size 8 friend will tell her the truth, they will tell her that her nicely rounded rump sticks out in the wrong place.

But, if you say yes, then it is salad, vegetables and no red meat for the rest of your life as she diets to extinction, taking you with her in her self-imposed exile.

Another statement guaranteed to get you in the doghouse is;
She: “If you want to, you can go, and I will finish looking for this, then I will meet you in the coffee shop”

What do you do?
If you go, via the electrical department, of course, to see the sports scores, then she thinks you are bunking off, which in fact you actually are.

If you do stay, then she sulks because she thinks you think that her bum is too big, even if you do not! Then she doesn’t even buy the thing you went in for!

SO, its easier just to feign distates and disdain for shopping altogether!!!

yeah i dont shop if i do its in out of the story and no trying on anything guessing haha

I shop like a man....

lmaooooooooooooooooo belushi!!!

belushi you should put this in general......you will get a whole lot more responses!!!

its only for the select few

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh you think there are only a few of us psychotic shoppers????

just say no to shopping

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! I think, I have a mouse in my house.
In terms of shopping, I think, I partially agree with you.
I only like certain kinds of shopping.

yeh shopping sucks.

pfffffffft!!!

Tools, cars, home stuff!

Hate Shopping.

clothes, boots, purses, pants, tops, omg I think I may be having a

On-line shopping great