So, how important is temporal compatibility with your potential date?

To clarify, your date is a very early riser (4am) and goes to sleep early, and you are much less of a morning person and like.to watch late night TV or vice versa. Do you bend to their schedule or not? Do you make them consume large quantities to caffeine to stay awake on your dates? Do you just walk away, as you're not changing your dream time?

FTR, this did just happen to me. I chose to not pursue that person further, not being compatible time-wise made setting up a time to meet very difficult, and I am not a fan of morning.


What say you?

It's a dealbreaker for dating. If you live together there are workarounds plus the added bonus of not being up each other's arses all the time.

I don't think it would bother me so much if say he had to be up at 4 am for work and I did not get up until 6..as long as he did not make a lot of noise
kissed me on forehead on his way out


now the different bedtimes might turn out to be a hassle..

Has a lot to do with how accommodating a person is.

I am the kind of person who needs a lot of rest/sleep my partner did fine on four hours sleep a day not to mention often working 16 hour days and being deployed months at a time with little notice.

We had to make several accommodations to both of our schedules but you take one problem at a time and resolve it rather than just say I have to have a perfect match that less face it does not exist.

But I will say if you are not a person who is adaptable and can not compromise it is easier to find someone who is more closely matched than seriously different.

Many people are night owls here on Mingle, and in the world in general, so it is looking in the right places/times for people who do match. Why beat yourself up if you don't have to.

Your profile is a good place to note such significant lifestyle choices. It Gives people the best chance at a good match and avoiding a irritating one. But Thanks for a good thread.

My sympathy for your recent breakup. That is never fun. Good luck.

I don't think I'd use the term: " Temporal Compatibility" but, instead "Commonality" in terms of the individual's preferred life-style choices/habits. Diurnal or nocturnal activity is only but one of so very many of those behavioral preferences that over time may become quite impossible & uncomfortable to change. "Set-In -One's-Ways" is a common term that would describe the situation that I'm referring to. In my own individual case; the only type of intimate relationship that would stand a chance of success is commonly referred to as "LAT" or Living Apart Together. "LAT" is a term to describe couples who have an intimate relationship but live at separate addresses.



"LAT is also increasingly understood and accepted publicly, is seen by most as good enough for partnering, and subject to the same expectations about commitment and fidelity as marriage or cohabitation.When you meet someone later in life it’s hard to know the right way forward. The majority of over-60s are looking for love again after a death or divorce so the traditional notion of getting married, moving in together and having children doesn’t apply.It’s why many over-60s have chosen to be together but live apart. It sounds unusual but it’s a rising trend that more and more Australian couples are embracing, becoming so popular that it has its own acronym: LATs (living apart together). Demographer John Haskey of Oxford University defines LATs as having “separate addresses, [being] monogamous in nature and having more than a casual relationship."

Thanks for the replies. I realize that everyone will have a different view, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Just food for thought.

It's one of the many "know thyself" things to deal with in any relationship.

Mainly, it's important to know whether the life you will have to lead is acceptable to you or not. That means both, that if you change to accommodate them, that the change wont restrict your own life, and, that you wont resent the other person for that fact that you had to make the changes or accept the limitations.

time sure can be a issue in relationships ... but if you let the other sleep in once and awhile and not get up set that ones stays in bed longer then that is a good thing ... want to stay up late go for it ... tv or pc in bedrm no way ... now I at one time being together a long time ... I had a saying in my kitchen the early bird gets their own breakfast ... do not expect me if I am not up to get your breakfast ... and don't have a attitude about it either ... happier family ...

Depend entirely on what you expect from the relationship and partner
during the time that you are out of sync time-wise.

- Do you need/want/desire to spend you evenings with your partner? Then this
one is not compatible with what you need and desire in a relationship.

- Are you happy to be on your own in the evenings/nights, maybe even prefer that?
Then maybe it's not a problem.

- Do you prefer to go to bed simultaneously? Then this person is not right.

- Do you prefer to get up together, spend your first time out of bed together?
Then this is not the right person for you.

- Does she need any of those things (in reverse) from her partner (= you)? Then
you aren't the right one for her.

Changing your rhythm is not the answer. You will come to resent her for that
and your own rhythm won't change. You're either an early bird or you're not.
You shouldn't have to change things that are part of who you are for a partner.
That just never works in the end.
Meaning you shouldn't expect the other to change either. You either match and
work, which depends on the things asked above, or you don't work.