Are we supposed to let things happen? Translated: in my case, a female companion. So are people supposed to look for a companion, or do we just sit back and wait for something unexpected?

I'm torn between these two questions. Made a few social attempts in daily activities, but it seems useless since other people are busy doing something. First thought (which was several weeks ago) was to look and try to be outgoing.

But it doesn't work for shy people. And with the holiday's here and no opportunity to spend time with one person, I've stocked up on my supply of anti-depressants for the holiday season. The pharmaceutical companies must be very happy.

So which is it: look or not to look? I'll refrain from Shakespeare to spare you the agony. Thank you.

Well, I think both.
I just depends how you are looking. If you are looking to fill a gap in yourself, it is likely not going to work. Or you'll attract the wrong people. Because when you are looking that way, you are focusing on what you don't have (no partner). So you will get more of that.

If you are looking from a happy place, meaning you feel good and happy in the situation the way it is, you may suddenly spot someone, and that person is more likely to be right for you than what you find in the first situation.

If you are not looking because you harbour negative feelings (It's not going to work for me, I can't find the right one etc etc) you won't find someone.

So I think somewhere in between. You aren't desperately seeking Susan, but you DO keep your eye open. You do send out the vibration that you want a great relationship and a great partner.

If you only need someone to tide you over the holidays, that's not going to work. Even if you'd find someone, it would be the wrong person. The right person for you now, because you exude this unhappy "I can do it on my own" vibe, so you'll attract someone who matches that.

Work on your own happiness and being able to stand on your own feet. I wouldn't mind doing CHristmas on my own. I'd still put up a tree, decorations, have some nice food etc
Or if I wanted company, find one of those organized single events. There's no need to be miserable because you don't have a partner.

Most important thing; If you can't be happy on your own (regardless) you can NOT be happy with a partner.

Something is telling me I'm right in my assumption of "filling a gap." Though I'm not one of those pests you see at a bar or something. "Can I buy you a drink?" "Do you want to dance?" As for wrong people is concerned, my radar is always on alert to someone who is scamming me for something, or has body language or verbal cues that warm of a possible fake or insincere person. In other words, I don't trust people as I used to.

As for "being happy" I am fighting with a medical issue (which I will not mention here) that makes some days for me miserable. Medication helps but not totally. Hard to discuss here. I think what I should have posted is trying too hard, or not trying hard enough? I do keep "looking" options open to a place like this, or something related as means of connecting with someone.

As far as trying to find someone "just for the holidays" I am not doing that. I just mentioned holidays because they are notoriously depressing. It WOULD be nice if I didn't have to spend the holidays alone. Just wishing.

Faint heart never won fair lady. You have to know what you want first, before you can go for it.

I've been thinking about the subject, & I think that CF presents some pretty good info here. I believe that most people look for "someone that will make my life better".

I suspect that getting to a place where you can be content by yourself (NOT necessarily always happy!) enables you to exude the "vibe" that you can make someone's life better. (Or maybe I'm full of crap...)

To the OP - Good luck man, I hope that things get better soon.

this might be cheaper than anti-Depressant-Meds!


as for looking or not,Whatever!

Personally I think a lot if people when they are single stop living their real life andnstart living a theatrical life....then they advertise themselves as their theatrical life and for those looking it doesn't add up.....

Here's what I mean....

Man:"I love the theater and going to the movies!"

Woman:"Me two!, what movie have you seen recently?"

Man:"Well...last movie I saw was 'Homeward Bound'....but IF I had someone to go with I'd go every week!"

Woman:"Nice chatting with you goodluck, (thoughts:great a man that can't do anything on his own,or has no life of his own...next)"


My advice just start living a life, look at the interests you say you have on your profile and indulge in them...for exampledif you say you love to travel, go on a vacation who cares if it's by yourself...who knows maybe you'll evem meet a lady overseas....

You may even learn that some of the interests you used to have are annoying to you now and learn about yourself...besides if you indulge yourself in your interests you'll have something to talk about with a potential partner

uh huh like the ones who have Harley in their profile name
or a pic of them on a bike
but if ya ask they say
" well I don't have the bike anymore"

or the ones who say they love to go boating, hiking, camping
and they love to travel but when ya ask..they can't name the last time they did any of it but it sounded good on their profile

well, just be responsible for your own thoughts and actions...whatever the result is...


haha..


if you wait as if miracle will happen...that's ur decision


if you'll make a move as if tonight is the end of the world...that's ur choice...



whatever you do...you'll surely get the result you deserve...

you are always attracting to you what you wanted...