It "is" in effect lying, and i suppose we all do it to some degree. It's human nature i think. A defense mechanism. I think the older we get, the more we rationalize.

well of course we rationalize...we can't remember the lies!!!

lol Sadie, I think it's the older we get, the more honest with ourselves we become.

You got it!!!

Hmmm... that's a really neat point, too. I've been reading a series by Lois Bujold that had a rather interesting quote in it along the same lines. One of the main character's teachers claimed to never change his test questions to prevent cheating. He maintained that while the questions never changed, the answers did.

Maybe that happens because it's easier to rationalize a quick answer when we're younger. As we get older, we see the inherrant complexity of the questions.

This is something I may have to consider.

When I see sweeping generalizations about groups I often think wow that person is still "walking wounded" and don't give a lot of credence to what they say. The sad thing is if you read a lot of men are all this women are all that you really are not in the game for yourself to know. Some behaviors are clear from the onset; being a bully, selfishness, mean-spiritedness but insecurity and manipulation are a little harder to spot. That is the best reasoning I can find for giving things time to develop before jumping right in with feelings.

"Maybe that happens because it's easier to rationalize a quick answer when we're younger. As we get older, we see the inherrant complexity of the questions"

Yes, i have to fully agree, Life is a learning process. The knowledge and experience we gain along the way, lends itself to our ability to make better informed decisions, and also to understand and apply that knowledge. The exception to this, is we do not treat our relationships as an exam, enter human desire or should i say attraction. Now we are dealing with emotions, this is the distinction between knowledge and passion. Each time we enter a new relationship, the questions do change. This is not gender specific, it applies to both parties.

Interesting insight, that. Do you suppose that means that as we get older both elements come into play? That would suddenly make generalization make a vast ammount of sense.

What if not only the questions change due to the emotional involvement, but we also look for more evolved patterns because we've learned to expect them? A really unfortunate form of synergy that would cause one person's "perfectly valid concerns" to look like "some kind of friggin game" to the other party.

I'm tempted to forward this conversation to a phychology specialist friend of mine. I'm wondering if we're reinventing the wheel

But what's coming out is absolutely fascinating. little things in behaviorial trends I've seen are starting to click into place.

Very good point.

I don't think the basic questions ever do change, but your answers to them do.

Now I must go take a Tylenol. Thinking is not good on a Saturday night.

Love the pirate look, Tarnakk. Welcome aboard, Matey!

Great Question...
hmmmmmmmmm....let me muse on that while my nails dry and I puruse ladies home journal after getting your remote control and brewskie!

BBL....

I think for most it is just the wording, we are not all educated to be able to express better what we write...I for one have done it and not meaning to group all into the one basket.

But, if I say 46 plus men is too old for me, thats my pref and my reasons derives from my own experience with that age group either its about maturity, sex, well-being blah. Yes, some might argue with me or be defensive and says I am not like that blah blah blah. Again, its just the men I happen to date from this age group I was referring to and not every individual from that category. I have no doubt what anyone says about themselves and in that age group.

Well right, sin39, but that's not the particular vice we mean. It's the ones who hammer back that there are never any exceptions that bother me. I mean, it's one thing to slip and say "Older guys just want a young plaything" - and in the majority it might even be true - but the people who confuse me are the ones who will tell the people who are the exceptions that they really aren't without knowing Thing 1 about the other person. How does one know the person isn't an exception unless one tests the theory?

Perfect example. I dated a significanly younger woman last year. Knowing all the people that say "this can not work". Now, obviously we broke up. Because of a difference in maturity levels. Not shocking, but am I going to believe no one of her age could be mature? No. Further, I'm not going to tell a demonstrably mature member of her age category that she simply isn't mature because no one that age can be - something many people do.

And also the nature of my confusion.