Hi all,

Currently embarking on a lengthy study of love and intimacy across cultures. In particular intercultural/interracial dating.

A question(s) I would like to pose to those interested is ...

"In an intercultural dating situation (2 people with different cultural or national backgrounds), at what point can you state you are a couple (boyfriend/girlfriend)? What are the markers? "

Various cultures have their own norms, but in a cross cultural situation do you follow your norms? Are you sensitive to your partner's cultural norms and adjust? What do you do?

Thanks for any preliminary feedback!

I have experienced both intercultural and interracial

to answer the questions

1 we were a couple when we discussed it and decided we wanted to make a go of a 'relationship'

2. I tend to follow the norms of the geography I am in. So for the time we spent in his country, I followed their norms, and the time we spent in my country, I followed my own

for those intercultural/interracial relationships in which my partner was American, I followed his customs when we were with his people (friends/family) and mine when we were with mine,, and when we were on our own,,,we both compromised somewhere in the middle...

Thanks. How did you know you were a "couple" ? Was there some significant event or marker? Confession of love? Request to be monogamous?

Thanks. How did you know you were a "couple" ? Was there some significant event or marker? Confession of love? Request to be monogamous?

there was a request,,,we had chatted a while, during which time we were friends

then we took a trip together, after which it was established that we were a couple'

I think these days the marker would be facebook in a relationship and link that person otherwise a person could have multiple relationships going and none are the wiser
cultural differences should be worked out between the 2 of you some cultures require virginity for example well that can't be worked out lol and i don't think the restore surgery would be acceptable

Perfect. Thank you for sharing.

When you say perfect, does that mean you do not want any more answers to this thread?

Single...!!! looking for relationship hr.. Any1 out thr..?

I can only say what would work for me. I wouldn't really consider us to be a couple until we were in a monogamous sexual relationship and it wasn't just a casual thing. There's a distinction between being a couple and between being lovers that I recognise. I'm not old fashioned and wouldn't really consider it a relationship without sex but there's a whole lot more to being a couple than that. To a certain extent I suppose you're a couple when you're saying that to the world and not just to each other. You introduce them to your family and friends and see how you work together.

As far as the cross cultural bit goes, I personally wouldn't be prepared to convert to a religion. I don't know about other customs. Just don't expect to get a dowry out of me.

No. I want much more of those type of answers. What was the moment you both knew you were in a commitment? What marked the start of coupledom?

No. I want much more of those type of answers. What was the moment you both knew you were in a commitment? What marked the start of coupledom?

Watch out for one thing in particular in your 'study,' OP.

You appear to me to be approaching this from a viewpoint, that ignores the existence and influence of an overall Host Culture.

You would be wise to define at least your most basic terms, and examine them for your own cultural bias before you get much further with this.

liked your question..waiting forreply from others

Confession of love
and understanding to be true to each other
a lot of mutual view points

even though we never met in person

ps : facebook accounts can be faked
so careful with that one

love or just sex, you have to keep them happy, so it would be in your best interest either way... especially love, not as much with sex...

-----> when both confess their love for each other (mutual affection); agreement on exclusivity; presence of sexual intimacy ; letting each other know of their jealousy; BUT, in some other culture they don't declare their love for each other, they just have mutual understanding and have sex instantly even if they just met, they no longer undergo a long period of dating or courting.

-----> there is a saying "when in Rome, do as the Romans do", so when you are living or exposed in a different culture, you have to learn to adapt and adjust, but if you have been born and raised in a culture that you are accustomed to, you just can't easily change your ways and follow your partner's norms, usually you stick to your own beliefs. Yet, in an intercultural/interracial relationship in order for it to work out, both should come to a compromise for better understanding, you have to learn to respect each other's customs and beliefs. Coming from two different cultures, both have a different ways of living but when you start to live together or interact with each other, you learn to live as one, think as one , unified with your love for each other.

Well, in the last 20 years there has been two loves. Both different cultures.
It was a meeting of minds and after time together, discussion, we made our relationships exclusive. With those words being said... Exclusive.
Directness is essential, no matter what culture IMO.
Even if you turn up at my door with 500 cows, (dowry) I would get you. That is direct!!!

Thank you all for your comments. I welcome more...

OP, it seems you define culture as nationality. many people can be of the same nationality yet still have cultural differences, as culture encompasses beliefs and traditions of a group. (very badic and limited definition.

for example, one can be American by birth (nationality) but have their culture defined by regionality or subgroup like southern, northern, native American, just to name a few.
each has a belief system, traditions, special history, etc.