DisorderS in the Court

Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how may of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: ALL my autopsies are performed on dead people!
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me


ATTORNEY: She had three children , right
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Those were hilarious.

These were priceless.... Laughed all the way through

Classic!
Thanks for reminding

Thanks for the laugh.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!