Hey everyone . . long time no see. Hope all are doing well. Here is my situation. I've been dating a guy for over a year. He lives about a hour from me, and being that I have school; and no vehicle, I only spend about two weekends a month with him. We never really go do anything just sit around his place, watch tv. Most of this is due to his health issues .. He has COPD and it make it hard for him to walk or be active for long. I care about him and he is a good person. But he has yet to say he wants an exclusive relationship, although he had mentioned moving in together when I'm done with school, but he also knows I don't want to live in the small town where he is, and he doesn't want to move to the larger Tucson area. I'm not seeing anyone else, And that I know of he isn't either. But I'd like to know where I stand, or if this is as far as it's going.Or if I should just assume he expects an exclusive relationship. I know I should just talk to him . . but part of me is kinda afraid that He's gonna say he doesn't care if I see other people. UGGHH!!! Relationships are so complicated!!!! Any Suggestions?

only the one you just gave yourself

talk to the one you are in the "relationship" with

it really isn't complicated unless you make it so

way i see is it this:

if you both want to be with each other for the foreseeable future then you're both going to have to commit to it, and maybe make some sacrifices?

but.. on the other hand, of you're both happy with what you've got going now then why change it?

Well the way I see it this has been going on for year this is a relationship. You both have set the parameters of what it is. Now for what ever reason you want clarification.

Neither one has any desire to move to even a middle ground area. That right there is a death note for anything more than what it is as it is. IMO.

You both have been coasting for a year now.. In this relationship.. I am not clear what you need clarified? Him to say the actual words that he is happy to the bimonthly time shared?

Is he seeing other people? That is a huge question here and if he is how is that going to affect you?

Me personally I am not exclusive til we both have had the talk and we "both" decide that we aren't seeing anyone else. Til that moment I am free to chat with, flirt with, and date others.

I think you should be having this talk with him with the clear understanding it might not what you want to hear.

I am a huge believer of communication at all phases of life.

Good luck and best wishes

Never assume anything, communication is key.

Talk to the man - give him the honesty he deserves, and be prepared to be treated as honest as he can.

Ask the questions you need answers to, and allow him to ask you a few questions that he needs answered.

He might say: i want you and only you.
He might say: i want to have someone over on the two other weekends.

He might say: look you live too far away, this is an issue. This is the best we can be, if you really need more, - sorry, can not do, if you NEED MORE break it off.


Overall, we know little details, but then again those details are irrelevant.
You know you will have to talk to the man, and both of you will have to lay your cards on the table.
And no, it is not going to be a "effortlessly happy" moment, as you seek for a better arrangement.

The worst you get is a whole bunch of answers you do not like, and everything goes to waste.
The best you can get is a compromise on how to keep going.

Do it in order to make progress.
Do not accept living like that if it downright sucks.

heeeeeeeelll yes it should be

Hi Penny!!! Long time indeed!


The way I see it, and of course I could be wrong - as it happened that one time when I thought I was mistaken but wasn't, if you've been together a year, mutual exclusiveness is implied.

That being said, experience has taught me that no relationship is exclusive until both parties have sat down and had "the talk." We all have to do it sometime, and it sucks. Sometimes it doesn't go the way we envisioned it in our minds, other times it can be a nice and easy thing (the ideal answer always being "I thought we already were exclusive"). But the Band-Aid needs to be pulled and it needs to be done fast.

No beating around the bush with this talk, just a straight up "where do we stand." It'll be tough, but if you try to lead a guy to this topic, he'll find a nice side tangent to go down instead, because we men hate these talks (hey, we are taught to bottle up our feelings and emotions from an early age, what can I say?).

Another option, and I know this worked on me the last time anyone tried it, just tell him you're in a relationship. Don't leave him any other choices, it's a "we're doing this and it's exclusive" type thing. I know when it happened to me all those years ago, I just kind of looked at her and said "alright," so you might want to keep that in your back pocket.

The only way being exclusive should be "expected" is if both of you feel it is going that way. To me, based on what you wrote, it sounds like the two of you like one another and simply enjoy not being alone....basically meaning that I can't see this going any further than what it is. I might be wrong and if so then you can have your $31.99 back for this tid bit.

Sure that's exactly what he's going to say yes sweetheart I want you to see other people.. and then he's going to say do you want to see Other people?..
because honestly I thought you and I were kind of a couple I mean I've just spent a year with you I kind of thought it was fairly clear that I'm committed to you... but hey if you want to date other people I guess that's okay with me..... well he Recalls his grandmother saying if you love something set it free in the back of his brain

Dang it I was going to go with that originally or something off of Old Yeller lol

if youre in a committed relationship yes.

run forest run comes to mind lol

To be blunt, in my crystal ball, I see your future as his caregiver, unless you RUN, as fast as you can. Finish your education and MOVE ON.

if two people have communicated that they have that expectation,, than,, yes

Ding ,ding, ding we have a winning answer here.

Sorry this guy is not getting off the couch to decide anything and just coasted along as long as he could when you were not motivated to settle for less early on. Probability is, when you were not aware, he has had other people coming in and couch sitting too. Which by the way is not dating.

What it is more often is mooching free aid and attendant.

He doesn't want to move and it sounds like he doesn't see a future in it and he's just making the most of it until you finish it. It sounds like you will decide to finish it sooner or later because if you don't want to live where he wants to live and when you get together you don't do anything much and don't go out and even if you do care about him that's not a lot of fun really and he knows that you could meet somebody else that wouldn't be a burden and could take you out dancing or whatever.

In short, you're both avoiding the issue because you feel that your relationship is doomed and it does sound like you want to know where you stand now; visa vis exclusivity; because if you can date other people and you agree upon that you're not trapped and when someone better comes along it's bye bye loser and it was nice knowing you.

You need to think about what you really want and if you are just stringing him along and if you are happy continuing like this.