Like being the better person.

Wow talk about something that humbles a person.I remember him telling me about this but to read it takes me breath away.. The sad thing about this is I have no memory of this, my son shared this with him...reading this makes me cry since I know how much pain this "real Man" is in be not being able to be physically with me.

Yet he has been "there" for me more than any other human being in my life has been. This man is someone that I never thought I would find I am thankful he was my friend first and now my partner...

My definition of a REAL PERSON
A person that shares all that they are
strives to constantly be better for themselves and others,
A person that will take the high road always
A person that can admit when they mess up
A person brave enough to give of themselves.
A person that dares to live.
A person that never gives up on themselves.
A person humble enough to right a wrong even if it takes years to do so.
I think a real person is someone that knows thyself well, is constantly evolving, is willing to be true to themselves no matter what.



I think this is a great thread IAM... this list could be endless because we each are going to have a different meaning of what it means to ourselves. I think as long as we are able to look inside out ourselves and find it and be willing to share who we are. We all will be fine in the long run

I am happy to see that most appreciate the substance in a person. I speak about the importance of physical attraction but it is not the only thing. I have had so many pretty boys write to me from this site. They initially got my attention but keeping it entails substance and character. Many of them who wrote to me from the forums were attracted to my brilliant mind, not just my looks, which I found astounding.

real women all want the same thing...CONTROL...real men can control it for hrs,like I can!

The ol' endurance and stamina

this is sweet. i agree! A man who can put down his ego and sincerely apologize if he ever is in the wrong is damn sexy and damn precious!

this is golden! An insightful opinion! :D

A "real" woman can headshot an enemy sniper from half a mile away, throw a chakram like a Greek goddess, watch her man's back during the zombie apocalypse, put a lioness to shame when it comes to fighting off threats to her children, and critique my critique of Shakespeare's Hamlet that makes the argument that the title character is a sociopath.

A "real" man can headshot an enemy sniper from half a mile away, dodge the chakram thrown by a Greek goddess, blast his way through the hordes during the zombie apocalypse, kill and eat the crocodile that is threatening his cubs and lioness, and write a review of Shakespeare's Hamlet that is resistant to scholarly critique.

Also, they both can cook.

A real man 4 me must be understanding, patient, be a listener, put down is ego, caring and romantic

a real woman would never leave her man down

women trying to define what a 'real' man is, or what it means to 'be a man' is the precise reason we have so many 'nice' guys out there. Since world war 2 this has been the phenomenon women raising boys while the father is away, schools dominated by female teachers, boys having to e
accept a women's definition of a man...then when they do the women aren't attracted to them and they can't figure our why.

You can be the best mother in the world, but you can't teach a boy how to be man, just as you can't define a 'real' man.

Otto was real enough for Elaine Dickinson.

actually I agree with this ..sorta
I am mother of sons and as their mother I can teach them right from wrong and how to be a decent human being, have a good work ethic..how to do dishes, laundry and be able to cook for themselves so that when they leave the nest they are capable of holding down a job, getting a degree and survive in this world.

elementary schools are dominated by female teachers because once upon a time this became an acceptable career path for wives and mothers. It was not always so..
and there are more men teachers in the upper grades. More men hold administration and coaching positions.

I would argue that most men have a hard time agreeing what constitutes being a real man ...can women wager a guess and throw in their two cents on it? certainly..just as women can also offer an opinion on what makes a good cook, a good care giver, a good role model, chauffeur or basketball player


is this opinion based on walking a day in a man's shoes? no but neither might the opinion that she holds of being a basketball player..she may have never shot a free throw

great many people hold a great many opinions and very few may be based on actual experience

I agree sorta....lol

of course women can have opinions on what they think, every one has opinions as you stated, for me the issue is that when someone is 'defining' what a 'real man is'.

if I said REAL women are good cooks, it would automatically imply that any women who can't cook are somehow not real...now granted that could just be my opinion, but what if that became the norm (it used to be) when we were a completely dominant male society (yes I know we still are just to a lesser degree)

People can have opinions they want. personally I wouldn't consider the opinion of a lawyer on medical issues, just as I wouldn't consider the opinion of medical doctor in legal advice.

I see a women giving an opinion 'being REAL man' the same way. It honestly makes me laugh.

I'm sure you'd laugh at my opinion too if I tried to say how you should behave, feel, act while pregnant or on your period, these two things are uniquely female and I have no clue how they affect you. Other than what you tell me.

my point is even though yes everyone has opinions not all opinions are equal, and sometimes more weight should be given to correct respective party.

think it's more of a wish list ya know

not so much women dictating how men should behave
though some might try it

more of a list of qualities they are hoping men would display

not so sure there are any qualities, characteristics in this day and age
that are specific to one gender

I understand a wishlist but I do think some things are nicer on paper then they are in the real world and often they don't match up with reality

For example.

How many women have I heard say 'I don't need a man to do anything for me!'

yet those same women also say a REAL man is a provider, and they definitely want a REAL man.....

So they want a man to provide for them or not?

they say 'I am full capable of doing everything so just let me, I don't need your help'

then later they complain to their girlfriends about how chivalry is dead, and he didn't open the car door for her, pull out her seat, or open other doors for her....he listened and did exactly what she said...after all he didn't want her to feel as if he thought she was incapable of those things

then there is also the 'I don't need a man's money I make my own, I just want to be treated as an equal'

then on a date the if a guy has the audacity to listen and ask the waiter to split the check, then he is 'cheap' even though he is doing EXACTLY what she said she wanted.

my point is a 'wishlist' of qualities often isn't really what they expect. Even if a guy meets all these qualities most often it still comes down to 'do I like him, like that' if the answer is no, the guy who meets this wishlist is left wondering why you don't like him..he fits your list, he knows it, you know it, but 'your just not into him' and can't figure out why

ahhhhh then she is not truly being honest with what she wants

she is saying what she thinks she is supposed to say as an empowered independent woman


what she might really mean is
I was a dependent woman once upon a time
in a relationship or in my first marriage
and I did not like having to ask permission
anytime I wanted to go the store or get my hair done

he was the major bread winner
the power in relationship was not equal
though I liked that he paid for the meals when we ate out
liked that he paid the bills
I did not like feeling at times as if he were the one in control


I now have my own career, my own money, my own car, phone ..

I am now "independent" and I like how that feels...but yet
there is a very traditional part of me that still pops up
when it comes to relationships

I cannot seem to help it when I feel like
he is rude if he does not open a car door for me or hold the door when we walk in the restaurant..and I tend to think he is a tight wad if he does not offer to pay

then there are men who like to talk about the emasulation of men in our society and when you speak to them of their past relationships..often turns out that once upon a time he was giving, nurturing, vulnerable and got burned for it along the way and now hides behind walls to maintain his self-preservation


not accusing you darling just saying
people are funny

I think the problem lies mainly in that these things can never TRULY exist in conjuction, what I mean by that is "equal power" and "traditional expectations" in order for equal power to exist equal expectations should exist as well, because if not then all that happened is you shifted the balance of power from him to you.

it's the same as if I said I want a strong independent women, but a traditional part of me pops but in relationships that i can't help that feel a women should stay home and raise the kids.....the two can't coexist, someone is going to have to compromise, either the women on her career or the man on his belief.

it can't be that one person in the relationship is always 'determing' when tradition is appropriate and when it is not, if that dynamic exists then that shows where the 'power' actually lies.

now here comes the rub, biology has most women wired to be attracted to 'powerful' men. ever notice that most female office affairs are with a manager, a supervisor, a boss?...rarely do you hear about a female having an affair with her male secretary.

so what we have now is a society, where the balance of power in a relationship has shifted from men to women, but now that they are 'in charge' per se they find themselves no longer attracted to their SO,
'he has no backbone, he won't stand up for himself, I've fallen out of love with him,'

it's no wonder the divorce rates have skyrocketed

A real man can be defined simply in one word










ME