I would kill ten men to know your love...

Send me your list.



Dear law enforcement agencies monitoring internet traffic - I'm kidding.

Don't know either of you, but can guarantee it isn't that you are unworthy of an explanation, it is more that the reason isn't worth being heard.

Personally, don't care for an explanation of why, just "git". No need for someone who no longer desires to be my partner to be criticizing me.

Kinda flip the Jerry McGuire script - "SHHHHH. You had me at goodbye!"

Now shrug it off and get your mingle on!

I am not sure why people always think they have to have and explanation coming. The absence should tell you that they want something different than what you are. It doesn't make you bad. It doesn't make them bad. Just means you are not going to fit and why waste anymore time haggling about it.

Say soon to depart if you don't change friend says "ok I don't like you do A), B),and C)" they wait around and maybe you can change one or all of those things, if they are patient enough, but maybe you can't or don't want to. Would you not be forcing yourself to be something you are not? So they don't really like you only their revised version of you.

Or the obvious; you don't care what they like or dislike and just want to control them to accept you regardless.

So why even open it for debate?

My premise is the people who cry about being abandoned are "right fighters" and that is an argument you will never win so why even start?

Since I doubt many people often make the promise to stay, no matter what, (are usually lying when they do) forever is often and illusion. Especially in younger people who don't even know what they want in life. How to get it or keep it.

well said
I would also add that sometime they do tell you why they are leaving or that they are leaving you just don't always get the note
or don't want to see or hear it as it happens.

It's a common human trait to want answers. When my ex wife and I were going through our divorce she never would fully admit why she wanted the divorce. I figured out that she had an affair and I did wonder why she would never talk to me about it (since I felt she owed it to me). But after a while I finally came to the realization that sometimes not getting an answer is sufficient. But that's just me.

I'm in a different boat, entirely. The only time anyone left without making absolutely certain I knew why, I was so relieved I didn't know what to do or say. I literally said a prayer of thanks.

There wasn't any prior (or post) animosity or drama; just a clean, no-nonsense break. For awhile, we'd run into one another here and there. Comfortable, even friendly, interactions. Noone ever even knew we'd hooked up and then unhooked. Our friends used to tease us, 'Y'all ought to get together.'

If trying not to hurt you was high on their list of priorities...they wouldn't have left in the first place.

If you were high on their list of what's most valuable...they wouldn't have left in the first place.

Even if they tell you "why" that doesn't mean they care about your pain, or value you, at all.

And I would bet anything that people that tell you "why" are doing it for their own sake...not really yours.


IMO the only important thing is that they tell you their decision (and even then, there are situations where disappearing is the best viable option).

"Why" really doesn't matter.

And it's nowhere near as relevant as you might think.

What are you going to do? Change?

It's over.
If you change, you're changing for them, and for a relationship that is not coming back.

There is no guarantee that the next relationship you get in won't be killed by what you changed for the dead one.

If we all lived in a tiny community, where everyone knew each other, everyone was dependent upon each other, and everyone had a reputation, "why" might matter.

But if you're dating online then it's probably someone you are never going to see again. Or see anyone that actually knows them.

"Why" is pointless.
It's information without any real use.



What you might want to do is come up with the break up letter that you want to receive.
Then give that to everyone you date.
Even if you are given a "why" there is no way to determine if that's really true.

And really, if you want a "why" because to you it feels better, you are simply asking people to offer you pretty lies.

So, come up with your own. They're just as true as any "why" you will ever receive.

You are so correct we all have the right to leave.


I honestly believe if we know ourselves and our partners then we know the why's and if we don't then we were playing make believe from the start.



If we are really honest with ourselves the reason doesn't really matter. What matters is you want that one last contact to state how " you the dumpee is really feeling"...


In all honesty, deep down you know or have a really good idea, I personally would just prefer to get it over with if I am leaving or if they are leaving. Usually by this time so much water is flowing under and over the bridge you can't even see the bridge anymore

I am not a person that drags crap out... By the time I choose to leave they have been told many many times why I am thinking of leaving. They don't have to be told each and every reason.. The sad fact is I am ...

Sometimes, they dont speak it out specifically. Because they think that you'd probably understand. But the fact is, we all want an explanation to clarify everything. And i guess, only numb person who can't see or feel enough.

If thats your wife, then she got all the chance to tell you honestly about it. Waiting an answer and find it on our own is a long process. But then, being patience just to get the answer that we wanted is a virtue.

The only time I ever feel it is better to tell someone is if you have deceived them and they were building their image of the relationship around that lie. To me truth is always easier to accept that trying to unravel lies.

Yes, i agree with you. Its more easier to go on with your life if you know the truth and you have closure in the relationship.

In general, I don't really believe in "closure." Not any closure that depends on the OTHER person, anyway.

In every case I've been through, absolutely everything that was necessary for ME to feel what most people mean by "closure," (that is, a feeling of satisfaction that I fully accept that the other person is gone, and that I can go on with my life without waiting for anything else from them...

...came 100% from me, alone. When I got it through my head that everything was over, when I understood how and why I felt the way that I did...only then, did I feel "closure."

No matter what cover story the other person gave (most of the time, what they said was designed to make THEMSELVES feel okay with dumping me, and had nothing to do with logic or justice or reason), even if it sounded like very solid reasoning based on factual information, until I was willing to communicate completely and honestly with myself, it didn't matter what they said.

And after I worked things out with myself, it no longer mattered what they said.

Agree. Acceptance is key

I agree "closure" is one of those popular psycho-babble words that gets thrown around a lot but generally is a bunch of balogne.

I liked all the answers (especially mine ) but we're gonna need some closure from this emotionally charged thread

I agree we can not all have closure at some point in your life ... of course would be ideal ... but does not always happen that way ... so you move on and then all of a sudden you find out the whys ... in some cases other wise your just stuck and may never know and you will never grow as a person ...

In general, I don't really believe in "closure." Not any closure that depends on the OTHER person.

Every one have every right to leave someone but make sense while leave someone

In general, I don't really believe in "closure." Not any closure that depends on the OTHER person.

Every one have every right to leave someone but make sense while leave someone

For me i still need an explanation rather than wondering whats really matter what i have done wrong knowing the reason why he/ she left. i guess that is easiest way of forgiving someone and to let that person go for what it makes them happy.and for them to accept the truth.

It's happened to me more than once and I do believe that there is such a thing as closure, although some people may not believe in it due to their own psychological makeup and personal situation.

It took me five years to get over one girlfriend and I had to talk to her to get mixed emotions out of my system and forgive her. I finished it but we never had a proper chat about how I felt because I couldn't at the time because it would have hurt too much and I was too proud to get into a debate about it. The relationship wasn't good in a lot of ways but I am socially isolated and having someone in my life is better than just being lonely. It's not so easy for me to just shrug it off and get somebody else, or make new friends. Even when I do the same thing happens and then I'm back where I started but with a lot of memories and unanswered questions.

I met another girl two years ago and she just hung up the phone on me one day and that was it. I spent months trying to understand what had happened and thinking about how we had met and how special (albeit unlikely to work out) it had been to me. Then about a year later I met someone else and it happened to be someone from the other one's social circle, so I was basically trying to get answers from her friends because she wouldn't talk to me and I got them (sort of) and also met someone that initially at least seemed much more like proper girlfriend material. Well, I saw this latest one for about a year and then she just stopped calling me. The signs were there I suppose and things did seem to be fizzling out but she blew hot and cold a bit and was going through a bereavement, so I was just trying to be patient with her and she did seem to become a happier person as we got to know each other and it was a close friendship, whatever else it was.

Now I'm left wondering again. She probably just met somebody else but there could be other explanations and at this point I would settle for just having her back as a friend. Maybe she didn't feel that we were right for each other and that staying in my life was leading me on. I simply don't know and she could have been run over by a bus for all I know.

Saying goodbye properly is difficult but losing someone that you love or care for is a bereavement and I am sure that these people here saying that closure is BS would feel differently if someone that they loved actually died and they never got a proper chance to say goodbye to them. Theirs is just the psychology of unforgiveness and writing people off as not having been worth it as their way of moving on. They may be capable of that but it's still their version of closure.