http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7442724

10 Small Acts in a Relationship That Are Actually a Really Big Deal

There is an important distinction to be made in relationships between people who pay attention to detail, and people who don't. The first type are people who don't usually go all-out on the big things like extravagant gifts or getaways for special occasions, but they don't do small things like take care of you while you are sick or go to pick up a prescription at CVS.
People who do pay attention to details, however, are the ones who you can trust to stand by your side and weather the storm. These are the types of people who understand that the small things count the most because those are the things you do for someone simply because you love them, with no special occasion required.
So, then, what are some examples of these smaller romantic acts that, in reality, speak volumes?

1. Write love notes.
I know, we're not in high school anymore... but all the more reason that nobody would expect to open a small piece of paper with "I miss you" or "I love you" written on it. It's free, easy, and can be left anywhere to surprise him or her. A surefire way to put a smile on his face.

I know from experience how amazing it feels to have your significant other do something like this for you.

2. Listen.
In a healthy relationship, each partner relies on the other for love, guidance and advice. Sometimes, just taking the time to genuinely listen to what she has to say, and not saying anything at all, will say more to her than your words ever could. Particularly for the guys: If a woman is complaining to you, remember that it means she trusts you enough to express her feelings to you. Don't betray that trust.

3. Do that thing he or she wants to do.
Whether it is watching a TV show your significant other enjoys, going to see the musical you're not really into, or trying that new restaurant with the cuisine you don't really care for -- do it anyway (and have a good attitude about it). Relationships are about compromise, which means at times we do things we wouldn't normally do in order to make the person we care about happy. They will appreciate your effort and enjoy the experience even more because they get to share it with you.

4. Send a good morning text.
A text that starts your partner's day on a good note doesn't just say "good morning," it says "you are the first person I thought of when I woke up this morning."

5. Do what you say you're going to do. Be reliable.
Reliability, how boring. Reliability is the reason you buy a Toyota Corolla, not excitement. It's not glamorous or sexy or particularly interesting -- but you know what? When you walk outside in the morning and turn the key you know that sucker is going to start up without a flinch no matter how much it has been through.
A great romantic partner is someone you can count on without having to worry. You know they are going to be there for you when you need it. You know they are going to stand behind you when you need support, beside you when you need a teammate, and in front of you when you need protection. You don't have to wonder if they are going to do what they said they are going to do or if they are going to flake out on you last minute, because they are reliable.

6. Pay close attention and react accordingly. Be thoughtful.
In relationships and in life, I believe many of us overlook the importance of thoughtfulness. Life moves quickly and we often get so wrapped up in our day-to-day routines that we lose sight of how important it is to work to make our significant other happy as well. This includes learning one another's likes and dislikes, supporting each other during difficult times, and encouraging each other during the good times.
It includes paying attention to small details and doing special things accordingly that we know each other will like. Being thoughtful helps us live, connect and love more deeply with others.

7. Be patient with your partner.
Patience is an essential trait in someone we hope to build a strong relationship with. It takes patience to learn about each other and our personality differences. It takes patience to adjust, and to remain kind while they adjust. It takes patience to have productive discussions rather than arguments.
Patience is something that only we can feel -- others may notice it but if you do it right, nobody will actually know you are even being patient because you remain so calm and collected the entire time. Take a deep breath, and allow life to unfold as it should.

8. Be honest.
This is another big one. It may not seem like it, because honesty should be a quality that you express towards everyone in your daily life -- but being honest with a man or woman you care about will show that you respect them enough to be straight up.
Choose your words carefully, don't express your honesty in a way that would hurt feelings, but make sure your partner knows that they will get a straight answer when they come to you for one, no matter what it's about.

9. Make your partner feel safe.
This is not about physical safeness, but also emotional safeness. Just because men enjoy the feeling of physically protecting the woman they love from harm, doesn't mean they don't need to feel safe in their own ways as well.
Some men find it more difficult than others to emotionally open up and express themselves. In order to do so, they need to know they are not going to be judged for their feelings. Safety, in all uses of the word, is important for both partners to feel.

10. Always be willing to compromise.
While of course you should be compatible with your teammate, that doesn't mean that you will automatically love every single thing they love, and vice versa. If you truly care for someone and their happiness, you will be willing to watch, do, see, and experience things they enjoy, as they would do for you in return.
Without compromise, we can easily find our relationships resembling a see-saw with a huge boulder on one side, the distribution never shifts.

In this case, the boulder represents the wants and needs of one partner. There should be an equal amount of balance in order to keep you both happy and satisfied.
Satisfaction and fulfillment in a relationship can only come from forging a strong bond with another. When your hearts beat in unison at night and your thoughts transfer through a simple glance across the room. When you find that, you will understand the small everyday gestures that build this bond are the most important ones of all.
As Robert Brault said: Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

These are all wonderful Iam ....I would only add this...Never ask your partner to do that which you are not willing to do....No double standards....

All that is good in theory honey...
For real on hands practical knowledge & experience, you will learn it from me after meeting me

.

Thank you for the advice. I will use them one day. I have copied a paste into a file.

Got that covered...and more.
My Sweetie makes these things seem as natural as breathing.
Truth.

This isn't a bad list..as far as they go. seen million of em on facebook and other sites and magazines. most of em are pretty similar. I am one that tends to believe there is no one recipe for succes..really just depends on the two people involved

Washing her/his undies, manicure, winks at dinning table, scratch her/his back, surprised appreciation party, special pet name for him/her, helping in the kitchen and house chores, whispers to his/her ears, etc etc etc. African men are experts in caring for their spouses!!

One each...

Good morning,

Interesting article, Iam..

As Robert Brault said: " Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things".

Thank you.

Have a beautiful week!

When you have the right stuff love is easy as breathing. When you know you are in trouble is when "love" is a chore.

I believe we have this and so much more.. One thing I didn't see written here and it just be an understood thang.. "Respect" have to have it with out it none of this other stuff would work.




I agree my friend, I also believe in treating my partner as how I want to be treated and there are times it is work to have two strong willed people, come to a compromise where both parties feel they have not lost something vital to them and yet gave to the other..

Relationships at times are the hardest job you will ever have and yet the rewards are so unbelievably fulfilling that how can you not work for it.

Where is the part about oral sex in a relationship? Hey....it's healthy for both men and women.

hmmm could be implied under number 5 or maybe 6

Le sigh. It's always gotta be hidden in PC type wording.

I think this crap is written for women who aren't very smart and possibly doormat men who are unable to think.


But what? Grow up.
Writing "love notes" doesn't solve anything and can create all sorts of problems itself.

There really is no difference between writing love notes and randomly texting things.

It leads to all sorts of "why are they writing this? What do they want?"
Or "I'm not getting as many notes as I used to, they've tapered...there MUST be something wrong."
Or "ugh, if I don't constantly acknowledge this then they are going to pout and be annoying." Or "they used to write 'I love you,' but now I'm getting more 'I miss you,' does that mean there's a problem in the relationship? OMG! They're cheating on me! They're going to break up with me! They don't love me anymore! Let's go start a forum asking strangers about it!"

Sometimes, it's a part of a relationship, but just as often it's someone reading something in some article and doing it because they are expecting the outcome that the article describes and unable to handle what happens in reality.

So they aren't writing notes because it's what they want to do, or even natural for them, but because it's a means to get something from another person. To manipulate someone.


And sometimes someone is just talking to fill silence.
And sometimes someone is saying something in order to instigate a fight.
And sometimes someone is saying something in order to fish for validation.
And sometimes someone is saying something to start a conversation.

How exactly does someone spot when someone just wants the other to listen without saying anything at all?

And what happens if the person that just wants someone to "listen" chose to date someone that refuses to remain silent? To not offer their opinion?
Is that person then expected to change?


This should be amended to "do what they want to do and be happy and enthusiastic about it, try not to pout or act all huffy and annoyed by it." Right? Otherwise there's all sorts of guilt and games going on.

And what if it's sex?
I know married women who said they'd bend over reading a magazine while their husband went at it.

Is that okay? You're all dry and bored, but he wants to do that thing...so, just do it ladies. It's for the relationship. A minor/major thing.


Good god, please don't.
You know what a lot of people would prefer?
Keep your texts to yourself. Think about us during the day, build the anticipation, and then when we get together be prepared, having worked through all that instant emotional ejaculation stuff, and say something really worthwhile.

Communicate like you mean it and have something to say.
Not just because you have a momentary hormone spike and want to gush your feelings onto someone.

I know if I received something stupid like "you are the first person I thought of when I woke up this morning," I would ask "who was the second? If I was the first person, what was the first thing? When you thought of me, was it something positive?
"Because for all I know you thought 'thank god he's off to work, now I have to text the insecure bastard because that magazine article said I should.'"


This is useless without actual tools to help someone do so.
Every human being tries to do what they say they are going to.
People want to be consistent. There's books written about the concepts of commitment and consistency.

Otherwise what you are saying by "be reliable" is "allow them to take you for granted."

If you are overly reliable people will come to take that for granted.
And that just begs for someone to be randomly unreliable in order to showcase all the other times they are reliable.


Again, helps if there are tools.
And the previous tip was basically "allow yourself to be taken for granted...like a car, where someone can get to the point where it's safe to just assume you're reliable and going to start."

So great, this is helpful. Take someone for granted! But don't take them for granted! But we're not going to give you any tools on how to do this.

Also, pay close attention...to every single thing? No matter how minor? "OMG honey! You used a teaspoon more thyme in this than last time! Oh you're sooo wonderful!" That's not going to happen.
So where exactly is the line? What information exactly should be paid attention to?

Conceptualization would be far more important than paying attention and reacting accordingly.
Being able to correlate and integrate in the puzzle of who they are the information about them from what they said last month, 2 years ago, and yesterday.

Reacting accordingly? So what if how they want me to react, or think I should react, is different than how I really want to react?
Do I react accordingly to what they want?
Or do I react in a consistent and reliable manner to who I am?

Just one more potential contradiction.


What if I'm not a patient person?
Am I supposed to change again?
And who determines what is "patient"?
Some people can stand in a line at the deli all day.
Some can handle standing, waiting, for 10 minutes.
Some want immediate help.
Some people can wait in line at the deli all day, but want immediate help at the DMV.

Which "patience" should I have?
I mean this is no help at all "others may notice it but if you do it right" ...how do I do it right? Oh wait, it doesn't say.


This is one of the worst things here.
"Honey? Do these jeans make me look fat?"
"Just a sec honey, give me some time to choose my words carefully, I don't want to express myself in a way that would hurt your feelings. I want to make sure you know you are getting a straight answer no matter what you ask me about."

How would that play out in a relationship "really?"
I think most people would see that as trying to buy time because they are scared to answer. They don't want to be honest. And that is an answer in itself.

Why is there never advice stating "don't ask stupid questions where there are no good answers or it paints someone into a corner in how they answer, be very careful and aware of their perspective when asking for their opinions, especially when it involves judging you."


Exactly how does someone do that?
What are some tips and tools to go about that?
Because a lot of women "say" something like "I won't judge you honey! You can tell me anything!" and then fail at it.

How many women are going to make their partner feel safe when their partner says something like "I feel I need to wear your underwear," or, "I feel I need to go away for the weekend with my ex, I feel I need closure."
Is there going to be a lot of patience and compromise and understanding and willingness to do what they want to do?


Great.
What about when it comes into conflict with #3? Where you are supposed to do what they want to do sometimes?
Why do what they want to do rather than try to compromise out of not having to do it if you don't really want to?
When do you compromise and when do you do what they want to do?

And this is just read todd did "Without compromise, we can easily find our relationships resembling a see-saw with a huge boulder on one side, the distribution never shifts. "
With compromise many people can find that boulder sitting on the middle of the see saw where no one can go anywhere or do anything unless they get off the see saw and go play by themselves.


Balance is not really possible.
There will always be conflict.
A book on conflict resolution would be more beneficial to a relationship than anything from this article.

^ I almost don't care what you look like. Almost. Marry me.

I will write you love notes all day.

Can anyone relate to this?

lol
some of those i can
and i still have a bit to go before i hit 50

I can give a couple of components of shallowness that completes shallow relationship...

1. Fear... Fear of getting to know someone indepth.

2. Laziness To lazy to put the effort in..

IMHO

I agree. And a great OP. Good too see you Leigh {{{IamwhoIam}}}