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Here is the topic: Let��s start over:

A great topic to discuss views on. It is very true that some people are afraid to love and be loved. It's as almost love and loving feelings result in them feeling Claustrophobic. Deep down inside they want love, but also they are afraid of it. It's a conflict inside. Sometimes it stems from being hurt badly in the past by someone they may have been deeply in love with. They let that affect them, and don't look forward to happy, healthy relationships in their future, after some healing time.

Then what happens in the cycle is, because of their past - they look at someone else in their future, with jaded eyes, or through jaded eyes - thinking and/or judging that their past hurts might repeat itself. When in reality, that other someone in their future is a wonderful person, who they could have a great relationship with, healthy and happy. This also keeps them from moving forward. This jeopardizes them from having a great relationship in the future.

Love is letting go of fear. Fear and love can not exist together.

The cycle involves people loving people who can not love back. They back away from love. When things start feeling too close, and happy, they back away, because it triggers the fear in them. And only when they've had some time away, does the fear then subside. And then only once the fear subsides, do they start missing the person again, and wanting to be together again. Then the cycle starts over again. At the fear stage, all they can think about is to get away, distance themselves, because of the fear. Once the fear subsides, after they've had some time/space apart, is the only time they can feel the loving and missing feelings again.

Sometimes the reason they're afraid of closeness and love, is because for some reason, it results in them feeling trapped in some kind of way. And they just have difficulty moving forward in relationships.

Some may overcome their fears, but some may never be able to, regardless of the circumstances. This is a real phobia, which actually needs professional therapy/counseling to overcome. Furthermore, this is a problem that can only be solved by getting inside the minds and exposing it. Similar principle to an alcoholic problem. Only once you realize it within yourself, and admit it to yourself, and recognize that you might have this problem, is the first big step to solving the problem. Otherwise, you will just continually push people and love away. Understanding the problem is the first key. With this insight, you will have the tools you need to know what is happening, and take control of your life, and the life of your relationships. Then, and only then, will you be capable, of having the kind of love you need and deserve.

Let's discuss

Beauty Brown Eyes

*shrug*

I reckon my outlook on this, all jokes aside, is:

"I didn't break ya, ain't my place to fix ya."

Here's the other of my two cents - the philophobe might wanna "heal" themselves before getting involved with another person who's feelings they are being inconsiderate of.

It is comparable to having sex with someone while knowingly carrying an STD. It's more than just bad manners, it is down right the wrong thing to do.

Even emotionally healthy people experience some apprehension when the word love enters their relationship. It changes things to some degree. Blame it on Hollywood.

am not afraid to love and have love for many things
both alive and inantament

hard to love what is not there for me to love

Great post regularfeller. Mostly agreed. We of course may not want to take that road of going through therapy with someone who has this phobia. Don't try to fix someone also. It is your decision whether you want to take part in being there for support, working through this with someone, who has this kind of phobia. That would be a long road, and a hard one, with continual withdrawal by the person who has this issue. It of course would be better to just be available to get involved with someone who does not have this fear, and is emotionally healthy and available for a relationship, therefore. Don't expect a person who has this kind of fear to be emotionally there for you. And things like this are not fixed over night, of course.

A lot of times a person can have this kind of fear, and not even realize it also. It is a tendency, for a person who has this fear, to not even want to talk about it. The reason for that is because they know, to talk about it, is to try and work things out, work things through. And they don't want to work things out. Because they are afraid of closeness and love.

Almost all humans love & are capable of it * except psychos born with the ability*

I don't see how this even a topic?
Either someone is in to you or they are not. It has nothing to do with being incapable or fear of love.

too cute.. you have nothing to say? lol

Someone who is emotionally scarred or damaged from a past relationship will have such fear, even if they are into you. This will prevent them from moving forward in the relationship, from fear of emotional pain and being hurt again.

This is your view. Ok, your view is accepted. But please be careful about "debating" views, or putting down anyone's views. Your view does not count out other views, and that fact that this is also a true phobia. Yes, someone can be into you or not into you. That is a totally different subject. Your view is respected as well. But also, people also have different views. The fact that the subject you're bringing up, is a totally different subject/topic than this one is clear also. In differentiating between the two, there can also be people who are very into another person, and they are afraid of that also, which goes along with the topic of this thread. It is a true phobia.

EXACLTY.

I posted in your identical thread.

I fear, NOTHING.

Ok.


For dating, it doesn't really matter.
For new relationships, it doesn't really matter.

Not everyone that is "afraid to love and be loved" knows that about themselves.
Just because they know they are "afraid to love and be loved" doesn't mean that's actually true.

People that are actually depressed can think or self diagnose that their problem is "really" that they are "afraid to love and be loved," possibly using that to hide an altogether different issue.

People can behave as though they are "afraid to love and be loved" and be diagnosed by a psychologist and start along something like cognitive behavioral therapy, yet still be wrong, having other issues completely, with the efforts to change or fix pointless.

When trying to date or start a relationship it's just not practical or realistic for anyone to try and build or maintain an emotional connection and healthy level of communication while trying to remain objective, distant, and analytical of indirect communication (like "pulling away") to figure out what the persons phobia or fear is, to see if it affects compatibility.

IMO if anyone actually attempted that they'd have deeper problems than the person "afraid to love and be loved."

Even if someone actually did that, there is no guarantee the person would accept that as being true, and more likely than not they'd either start victimizing themselves, or simply entrench themselves in the idea that "no, that's not true!" since it would help push the other person away.

So, from a practical standpoint, to anyone other than the person who is "afraid to love or be loved" (and their therapist) it really doesn't matter.


People are afraid of so many different things to so many different degrees that if you are trying to date, or starting a relationship, it's pointless to differentiate or focus on one single phobia or fear.

Especially one that shares it's communication with so many other problems.

Push, pull, yoyo, victim, savior, status quo, no real change.
That's common behavior for all sorts of things.
The why doesn't really matter.
It never bodes well for anyone.

See that little girl running across the playground to the swings?sun on her face and pigtails wagging and she is going mile a minute not a care in world and her face full of joy for the whole world to see
And then it happens one wrong turn or one stick or stone in her path for her to stumble on and down she goes bare knees meet concrete and when she stands she now has wounds with blood that trickles down into her little lace socks and button shoes..she stands for a moment and looks around and her face takes on a more serious look
Her momentum slowed she now walks at a much slower gate to the swings

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You are making a " Statement " and presenting it as "Fact" with no data. And your are not asking a question. Or even for examples.

You said " Let's discuss ".
Where is everyone...
What's to discuss?
People don't know what you want.

My opinion is, I don't really see this as a phobia. And that's about it.


* I also posted the same thing on your previous identical thread....(as my FIRST post on this thread) & left... so no idea, what any issue there was, never read it * . shrugs

why not bump the whole thread, so we could read the previous responses given ?

to the topic...i think fear of rejection can be crippling for some introverted people...but for most well-adjusted people, falling in and out love is kind of normal....jmo

lil off topic...i think ciretom would make a good card-counter at blackjack...

I ain't afraid of love, I'm afraid of my judgement, lol.....

But I do have a phobia. Did you know wasps can unlock doors and turn the door handles? Apparently my brain thinks they can because I run into the house and close and lock the doors when the come at me several times, lol. Being allergic and somehow extremely attractive to them doesn't help.

:Unlock doors & turn door handles...

I had a conversation about 3 phobics earlier.... Sooo
1- a fear of chickens
2- a fear of elevators
3- a fear of foil .... yes, tin foil.


You have nothing to worry about as far as being judged.... those wackos have you beat...

Thanks Sassy, I feel much better now

Some Insects can more or less attack & your are allergic, so it is an understandable, rational fear of them.

Those others- well no one was just assaulted by a chicken, or stranded in an elevator or attacked by tin foil ... that's just in their head & screaming in everyone's ears.