I'm disabled and it adds a certain level of difficulty in finding someone.
I'm fortunate because my disability is invisible.
I'm wondering when the best time to speak of this. After I've met and talk to someone, orright up front

all depends on how much it would get in the way of a so called normal relationship (uhg i don't like the word normal)

if its invisible , they might not even notice

but most people know that i am brainless and out of my mind , soon after they have been talking with me <shrug> so i don't have to tell

and i have all ways been a no secrets type of person (even when it hurts)

to me i wouldn't dwell on it
but would say something before it gets to far
so if they have a problem with it , then you both wont be waisting your time and effort (every one has there breaking point so to speak)

time is short
i think it gets shorter each day we fall out of bed <shrug>

was a good Que . made me think about it for a while

my best advice , you know what is right
i can only tell you what i would do

best wishes on your hunt : )

A disability, as I'm sure you know, is a condition that damages or limits a person's physical or mental abilities...Without knowing what your disability is, it's impossible to offer solid advice...I can only tell you how I would feel...If it's something that would directly affect the quality of the relationship, I would want to know up front...Good luck and welcome to the forums!

The right person will look at your heart not your outer appearance.
Yea I checked you out. You look normal to me.
Have fun, make new friends. Enjoy what you have and see what happens.
Welcome

I also suffer from an invisible disability, I can so understand your dilemma. After many years of dealing with it(since 95), I have chosen to bring it up near the beginning, if the conversation appears to be leading somewhere besides a little flirtation/silliness. If it's going to run them off, I prefer it happens before I get attached.

(((((Suz)))))

Personally I have never thought and invisible disability was that big a blessing. Like it or not people often will hold it against you, even if it is relatively minor, so it is better to stick with the Honesty is the best policy format. Save you a lot of suffering and frustration. Generally people are going to guess it is much worse than it is than if you say how it effects your life. I would not put all the details out there but if they want to do the research let them look it up and ask questions. The surprising thing is so many people know, work, live with a family member with a disability that much of the stupid prejudices are going away. That so many people have had at least one serious medical issue has helped as has mainstreaming in schools for 40+ years. Probably a lot bigger deal to you than others. The old ditty if you knew how little people think about you it would hurt your feelings is true.

Jump in the forums and just be yourself. That is what people are really looking for. Welcome to Mingleland.

There you go you have already made new friends.
Enjoy the ride and have fun.
Don't change be yourself. You will love us, we tend to grow on people.
Now let's party.

I honestly believe we all have some kind of disability whether it is just extra baggage we carry around...I think in the long run put it out there, if they are interested enough they will stick around to find out if they can handle it.

I personally would want to know pretty soon that way I can have some time to think about if I can handle it or not..

I agree come out to the forums get to know us and let us get to know you..
Welcome

I'm in a similar position. It's not something I wouldn't let them know about before aranging a date but it certainly isn't the first thing that I would mention. Like it or not, people judge on first impressions and a disability is by definition a negative, although overcoming it can be a positive. Basically, I would see how it goes. Unless you're actually going to meet them it's none of their business really but if they seem genuinely interested you can work it into the conversation and just bring it up at an appropriate point. Also, probably best to downplay it a bit because they really aren't going to know how they feel about it and you until getting to know you in person a bit first, unless they are just prejudiced or super picky.

As someone who has the label for 60+ years I can tell you there is not going to be a good moment to tell someone something they didn't already notice that is negative. They will feel deceived and once trust is broken you are not going to really get it back. You tell them from the start and they have a choice and choose you then you are on a level playing field. Is it fair to have to deal with all the garbage that goes with a label? No; but who said life was fair.

The secret you learn about living with a disability is it is pretty much like playing the cards you are dealt to the best of your ability. Then you have the same chance to win, loose, or draw like everyone else. Lie about the duce up your sleeve, even if it would change maybe nothing you are a cheat. Nobody is going to feel good with the results but You can bet you are going to get disqualified from the game.

I guess this is why men lie about the size of their penises.... fear of rejection..oui..

Sorry to disappoint you but most of us don't have disabilities and would like to meet healthy people. That is nice that people with disabilities are upfront about their condition but there are those who omit information or don't tell someone everything. Now, some of us might appear a little off but that's a different story. Lol

It really isn't lying to omit it from your profile or not tell them in the first message. I'm giving you advice about how to go about it on dating sites as someone that does have a disability and has managed to get dates.

A profile encaptulates for people what you are all about, or how you want to present yourself at least. Bear in mind that women on dating sites are highly suspicious, at least until you build up some sort of rapport and they tend to get a lot of mail and will just instantly reject anyone for the most superfishil reasons. I've read threads like these before and they are always whiney and "woe is me." I've posted like that myself and you are unlikely to get anywhere with women if you aren't a confident sort of guy. I bet that my disability gives me more problems than yours, from the way that you're talking about it but I rarely talk about it and frankly, when you've had to live with it for years you get bored talking about it, unless you are an attention whore.

I've even had women asking me why I'm even mentioning it and saying that it's irrelevant because they're not prejudiced. I would say the same about illnesses. Believe me, I've heard all sorts from women on first dates about their problems that they weren't willing to talk about on the internet and I didn't blame them or hold it against them. It's common sense. If you're in a wheelchair you don't waste your time on people that are looking for someone to go rollerskating with.

I've had precicely one woman back out of a date when I told her and she was insane and a liar herself anyway. She's still on here, now claiming to have no children, when she told me that social workers were taking her kids into care and that it was unfair because she supposedly wasn't mentally unbalanced, when it was quite obvious to me that she was.

Sorry to disappoint you but most of us don't have disabilities and would like to meet healthy people. That is nice that people with disabilities are upfront about their condition but there are those who omit information or don't tell someone everything. Now, some of us might appear a little off but that's a different story. Lol


I am surprised that the notion that having a disability still equates with always being "unhealthy"; physically or mentally.

Many disabilities are neither contagious or resort in ongoing medical intervention. Many do not effect longevity or even participation in basic life activities.

True to be able to collect a disability pension under social security it usually demands you can not work but even that definition is qualified by the requirement to not be able to do any work you are trained to do or have financial resources that are at the rather low level not to disqualify by assets.

I have often had people tell me that they do not define me as disabled but then others do. I do know if someone does and finds out I have withheld that "label" they are going to be upset to one degree or another.

I have long said/quoted "label jars not people" but then the very nature of advertising yourself on a dating site is trying to pick words that most people would use to describe yourself.

Okay, such as? Specifically?

No one is specifically stating what their disability involves.

Hello Tom and welcome my friend.
I'd go with this advice above.

To even come on here and ask the question say's a lot about you.

Good luck

I will. April of last year, I was operated on to remove a tumor from my brain. It wasn't cancer. It was a slow growing tumor that I was born with. If they hadn't got it out when they did, I wouldn't be here now.

The tumor its self did some damage to my brain. Getting it out did some damage. It left me with the wobbles and walking with a cane. Also some memory problems. And problems with my neck.

Besides all that, I'm as normal as I ever was. It doesn't keep me from living my life. Yes, There are some things I can't do anymore. But I can still date. I let them know within a reasonable amount of time what I have been through. So far not one woman has refused to date me because of my disability.

I think one of the reasons they date me is because my disability doesn't define me. I don't wear it on my sleeve. I don't wear it like it's a badge. I don't come off like "Poor pitiful me" It is what it is.

If a woman will let my disability stop her from getting to know me, Hey, it's fine with me. At least I know up front what kind of person I'm dealing with.

opie deactivated