k, so i'm going to open myself up a little here, and try to talk about something that isn't anything i've had to think about in awhile, as I haven't made any effort to date in awhile, so c'est la vie, it hasn't been an issue.

Generally in the courting or suitoring, both parties ask a lot of questions. Getting to know each other, and divulging things about their lives, and backgrounds and personalities, in order to build a bond or relationship, and/or commonground of reference as they walk their way through the interactivity of the process.

That is generally the normal way i guess that most everyone here, and in most places go about things.

I am not one of those people. I use to be mind you, but things changed in my one and only heartbreak. After the end of that event, I changed how i did things. Ironically nothing about my past gives me shame or embarrassment, and i have zero judgments about anyone's past in any dynamic when i'm interested in them, simply because there is nothing that they could tell me short of telling me that they've had sexual reassignment surgery that would remotely change my mind about them at all in any dynamic.

that one reason is the only reason. hey, i want to be with a woman, not a woman that use to be a man. so meh whatever, i'm shallow...

anyway...

Now, i do have enough commonsense and intuitive realization to know that there are aspects of my life and past that are going to give people big eyes, or the willies, or shock them because I've lived an overwhelmingly free life and vicariously intended in all aspects. However, i still do not ask any questions at all myself.

I prefer to find out what a person decides to tell me about in standard conversation and so forth, unless it is important to them that they share their past with me, in which case, of course i will listen and be interested because of course I do care.

However, I find that certain lines of questioning back and forth aren't interest, but measurement. An interview of sorts. Where we sit there with a clipboard and have a list with "yes" and "no" or "good" and "bad" in two columns, which we check and at the end of the day we add up each column and our assessment of the person we're interested in comes down to a simple tally of likes and dislikes.

Now, from what I've seen, everyone wants someone to accept them for who they are. But do they really? When they go through the interview process of questions such as,
How many times have you been married?
how many partners have you had?
do you smoke?
do you drink?
do you go to church?
do you follow the law?
and so on and so forth, with those questions ONLY being examples of the types of questions that we as individuals tend to ask in our assessment of partners or potential partners.

I really do sincerely take a person at face value from the moment that i meet them. Anything that occured prior to me meeting them is of no relevance to any event or interaction emotionally or mentally at all from any point forward from that timeframe.

I don't like to be measured. Because i do not measure. It may not be the intention but i can guarantee you that it will be the result in the long run. Becuase of one intrinsic dynamic of human nature.

our ability to obsess and think things over and over again till we're blue in the face.

For example:

A boy and a girl, sit down together and of course, one of them will ask "how many partners have you had sex with before you met me?"

right. it won't matter what the number is that either gives. Or hell the fact that they may not know and guesstimate, or ballpark it... or say, i don't know... and of course the usual and random, I'm not telling you....

I don't care who you are... it will go off in your mind. The most secure man, or woman will not be able to help themselves to overthink something as banal as that aspect of the meeting. It won't matter that they're not sleeping with them now. I won't matter that it all happened prior to you meeting them.

How many people out there claim to desire unconditional love, yet are not realistic to realize that it isn't even within the capacity of human capability to perform such a task, with the methods by which we go about shopping for, or looking for a mate.

There is no good that can come from digging up the past. There is no good that can come from expounding the past in a manner of measurment or assessment of a possible partner. It completely undermines the ability for two individuals to think on the present if they are revolving that potential partners past in their minds like a record player, while trying to accept them in the aspect of the present.

I do not agree with hiding anything. But, I do think that there is something to be said for learning about a person over time, and enjoying that aspect of what you learn, knowning that the now is where the emotions are building, and the now is where the relationship is occuring, and the now is where you both are walking. That the foundational building blocks to be able to accept and love, and care for each other, stem from the now which exists for both of you at the moment of time which was granted for your acquaintance.

As some of you know, I have a faith in God, and although my antics and goofiness on this forum may not seem as an indicator, there is something that i strongly believe.

if a person opens a door to a possible wound or fragile place within themselves before they are in a position to be able to trust their intended - in confidence - with that information, then nothing good can come of it. Because there is a world out there that we cannot see, and there are affects that will touch our minds, our hearts, and our emotions, to give us doubt, and trigger our fears, towards the destruction of the very thing we desire - ripping it from our hands.

And in those events, the very thing we desire the least will come upon us like a plague and destroy us again.

just food for thought, and my little needed to get this off my chest.

Intriging thought, but how do you get to know the lady without asking questions? A question is so basic in a lot of communication.

Another Christian smart alec on this site

and i'm going to answer you using scripture, for the sake of argument. :)

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil--this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.

I'm an open book..

Pick it up, thumb through it.

Don't like the cover jacket?

Then put it back down.

Skim through the introduction?

Then put it back down.

Read the ending first?

Then put it back down.

Bocome engrossed in the story, the plot, the tales of intrigue, until you can't put it down?

You're choice.

I'm an open book.

to be an open book is different than being tested on all that is therein

Other's choices how they veiw the content....nothing to do with me..

Test all one likes, it's their grades...not mine.

Living I think I see how you are thinking but as for me I still need a small percentage of questions answered, but yes, you are right in that time and their actions will tell the real story.

Hi Jess Hope your wednesday has seen you well. (John's trying to remember the Day switch direction)

if we are the book, we are responsible for our content. I will not live an existence that teaches or embraces indifference or validation. Nor will i not take responsibility for the contents within my pages.

I am responsible for my life, and thusly am responsible for how others will view it, based upon their reading. I can however, have faith in the reader, knowing that they will have to hold the weight of the book in their hands, and slowly, in due time, traverse the chapters, and pages of my core.

To give a person the ending, you have robbed them of the story.
To give a person the cheat notes on the content, has robbed them of the passion.

Be right in all things, and to safeguard the helpless means to protect the hearts of those whom you allow to pick you up - as that book.

We are our brothers keeper.

Hi John, an interesting Wednesday, reflective, poignant, sultry weather, here..

We dont have seasons, in this part of the world,...the weather has moods.

Living, that may be where we differ....

I am not my brother's keeper in how he/she decides to veiw the content..

They are the sum total of them, an accumulation of their own stories, their own beliefs, their right to be all of them...

They decide how to veiw the content of me...I refuse to colour their perception of me...for in their perception, I may see more of me.

Every book, every person has a gift for me, and I honour the WHO of them..

Some may not be capable of reciprocating.

"In the end what matters most is....

How well did YOU love

How well did YOU live

How well did YOU learn to let go..."

here is a simple question then, based upon your metaphor...

There are the stories by shakespeare.
there are the coles notes (quick notes) of shakespeare.

you can get the quick notes and pass the exam...



that is what i am talking about....
people want the cliff notes, they don't read teh book, the book has the passions, the depth the truth and the volume and progression. the plot is built and the core is written, with characters introduced and removed. events and inflections in the book in order to draw the story to the fullness, which then leaves a reader amazed and in awe at the entirety of the book....

i'm talking about the questions which we - within our relationships persue, which are the cliff notes...
not the story....

Yes...most do.

I am by nature, curious, I want to peel back the layers, and see whats underneath...to see the WHO of someone...but with permission.

and I find they share their own cliff notes...at their pace, and their story follows, in all it's richness, and fullness, all the characters, all the scenery.....

No judgements.

Who am I to judge another?

I have new reason to go and think how I view things. very intriguing idea. but as I said I'll agree with parts of it but not all (automatic response) but will consider further.

I am also a Christian! I find you extremely attractive for being so! I am looking for a man who is in love with God and it isn't always easy, boy, are those guys missing out on the good the Lord does!

well i'm not trying to convince anyone :) just thoughts i had to formulate out of my own head to be able to explain it properly to a friend really :) so each will do what each is within themselves i suppose :)

I for one like what you had to say and for some it needed to be said...thanks for posting that!

Did I just get booked doing 90 in a discomfort zone?

well its ok ;) the speedlimit is 120 kph

I'll try to spin my wheels less, officer..