A prisoner escaped from jail. He broke into a house around the corner on Elgin St and finds a young couple in bed.
He gets the guy out of bed and ties him up on a chair, ties the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. kisses her on the neck , then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife;
” Listen , this guy looks dangerous! He’s probably spent a lot of time in prison and has not seen a woman in a long time. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, just do what he tells you. If he gets angry , he may kill us. Be strong honey. I love you.
To which the wife responds
” He wasn’t kissing my neck he was whispering in my ear. He told me he found you very sexy and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you TOO!

There you go, Big Teddy. Now, that was funny. and not gross.